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I know babe, I'd be shocked too. Shocked at how smashing they are!
I'ma just walk away now...
Last night I took the time to read "Everything that can never be" by desrelly.
TLDR; This isn't a story. This is an invasive species we like to call poetry. Poetry that has been given story for anyone who doesn't actually like poetry. Like me.
Grammar and Word Usage: ART! - This is the key to the whole story. Not the characters, not the plot, not the world-building, but the grammar and word usage are what makes this story what it is. How do I put this?
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As I said before, this is not a story. It technically is, but anyone who likes this wouldn't like it for its story, but its way of being purely written. The plot and characters are mere vessels and excuses to write this well. They are subtext to poetry to give it meaning and purpose. Like beautiful graffiti being put on a wall where people happen to live and the graffiti depicts their lives. You are not there for the people. You are there for the art.
Characters: Smashing? - I am unsure slightly on this. The characters are well written. You grasp very quickly their needs, wants, desires, flaws, dreams, and everything about them in such a short time compared to most stories. It can be a little overwhelming how much information you learn about these people in comparison to the pace of the plot though, but depending on how future chapters and the plot goes, this may or may not hurt them depending on who does the growing or not. If the mother is not supposed to grow, then all the information you learn about her is not truly about her, but indirectly about her relationship with the main character (MC) and why she is the way she is, which gives SO MUCH meaning to many of the MCs actions. Because you know why the MC acts in such a way, because of the influence of the mother and father, and you can see why they also act in such a way as to establish that influence. The characters you know little about are filled with mystery, depth, but also slightly contradictory details about their personalities that it makes one only want to know more to understand why.
There is a massive flaw, though. When you have a MC who is obviously with flaws and needs, it is important to a really good developing character that they do not already know what the solution is, that they do not already know what that need is. They have to learn it, figure it out, sort it out, and come to the conclusion of truth. And from what I have been able to see, I may be wrong, but the MC seems to already know what he needs because he spends so much time thinking about it, debating it, and fretting it. This sacrifices a lot of relief and emotion from later on when the MC finally develops further as he comes to gain his need in order to obtain his goal. That success in learning it and obtaining it is lost when they already know what it is. A goal is not the same as the need, but in this case they seem to be made the one and the same.
World-Building: MICROSCOPIC DETAIL!! - There is no world-building outside of the immediate family and neighbors. And I shudder to think what the author would do if she did add world-building outside of them! Every. Single. Detail. Is used. It is amazing how so many details can be added about peoples lives, about their living arrangements, about their daily rituals, AND it all is given some kind of meaning and purpose and insight in their lives. There is not a single thing added to the story that is not at some point used or theorized on actively by the MC in relation to character or plot. The MC, I swear, is a future Sherlock Holmes.
Plot: '2001 Space Oddessy' level slow - 2001 Space Oddessy is a slow movie. A good movie. But when you take the time to actually look at the plot, its pacing, its acts, it is agonizingly slow and you have to be actively patient to get from one scene event to the next. In the same way, this story is very slow. Every thought, every action, every single piece of dialogue has anywhere from 3-7 long paragraphs between them because the MC has a thing for overthinking. Is every paragraph useful? Yes. But that usefulness is more for character and poetry than plot. The plot itself can be shoved down to 1/10 of what the length this story currently is. It would lose a lot of meaning, as every bit of dialogue and action and choice has weight from the understanding of what drives them, but the pacing is like if you put handed a professional paint brush to a snail and told it to do the Mona Lisa on an entire ceiling. The plot is simple, but bursting with meaning and purpose. It just takes a lot of patience.
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Overall I would rate this 4 smashing out of 5! This wasn't necessarily 'fun' or had engaging plot, but it is written so beautifully one doesn't notice. Like sitting at an orchestra when you expect to see a film from a theater.
If the plot becomes paced faster and the characters start to develop instead of being 10+ chapters of backstory and learning about them, then I could see potential for 5 out of 5.
Time to smash on out of here! Never gonna smash you up!
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If you are interested in learning to write, mastering the craft, want some really good reads, or just to chat and hang out with a mature group of adults, feel free to hit me up for a smashing discord book club that has lasted years.
