Behind every great woman there is a smashing! How can he shoot something so beautiful?!
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Today's victim is Betrayal at Dragon's Bog by thestormfallen.
It is a short story that is completed. As such it will be reviewed differently. The reason being that most stories, despite being short at first, aim at something longer and the point of my review in following is to help them understand where they can go in the future going forward, but if a story isn't continuing then naturally I should adapt.
TLDR; Action-packed short for the imagination with plenty of mystery to tease, but don't expect answers or emotional resonance from the characters.
Positive:
The story is packed to bursting with action and fighting. Dragons are always cool to have because really it is hard to mess them up. They are a force of nature unto themselves. Also, the language, grammar, word usage, and writing is incredibly visual and makes it easy to imagine it, to hear it, to live it. The world offers mystery as you have technology, magic, DRAGONS!, a medieval cardinal-commander, and possibly even sci-fi all mingled up in an interesting mess leaving me to wonder what time period this is, what universe this is, or if the overall larger scale story is a conflict between science fiction and magical fantasy. The story is not wordy but punctuates the moments one after another trying to fit as much into its small size as possible, while still successfully pacing the action to not be concluded as soon as it starts.
Negative:
Unfortunately, the story suffers from advanced grammar issues. Not basic ones like punctuation and capitalization (though there is some of that too) but rather higher-level issues, namely the fact that you have multiple perspectives combined not only into one scene but into one paragraph. You jump from head to head like its playing hot-potato and that is very confusing. The story also suffers due to its short size to not really give us character resonance. It tries. It truly tries, and that is worth noting. But there isn't much emotional attachment one can get for a whole cast of separate characters in a single chapter, followed by 6.5 chapters of pure action. The action does utilize their personalities and beliefs in such a way that any good action scene should, and so that is very good, but when people die or live, I find I can't really care as the characters themselves mean absolutely nothing to me. The plot also suffers because, even after rereading it, the world and mystery isn't explored, the reasons for the action do not make sense, and the aftermath, though explained briefly, is left with me wondering where we are going anyway because I dont get where we started and how this action sequence affected things.
Conclusion: This story is a situation of 'dont think about it, just enjoy it'. It is like the difference between Pacman and Final Fantasy. Pacman has no plot, just enjoy the brainless fun. Final Fantasy is a deep story and characters at its core. Neither are bad but play to different strengths. This story is a short story with a clear objective to be fun, visually appealing, action-packed, and offer a nice fight with really cool elements attributed to it.
Unfortunately, I cannot help but be the kind that is CONSTANTLY thinking while I read. I love in-depth plot and characters that leave me theorizing what is going to happen next, so I may not have it enjoyed it as others would, but that doesn't mean I don't see its strengths and weaknesses.
Overall I would rate it 3 smashing out of five!
I'm done! So let's smash!
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If you are interested in learning to write, mastering the craft, want some really good reads, or just to chat and hang out with a mature group of adults, feel free to hit me up for a smashing discord book club that has lasted years.
