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The last few days I have chewed through Spin the Bottle by musicaldiamond.
TLDR; Its a cute fairy tail, but I have no idea what it wants to be yet.
Main Character: All interest is sucked out - At first the MC is interesting and you get some idea of how she is. Shy in public, has a crush, has a large family that is supposedly eccentric. Not bad. This quickly changes as the "shy" plot is resolved in the first interaction possible, but yet we are beat over the head for the rest of the story that she is "supposed" to be shy, when she isn't. At all. Even once. Along with this is that every new trait is told to us, in the most literal sense, by every, single, conceivable, character, going "omg your so beautiful" and "omg you have such a revenge streak didn't you know that?" and "omg you are so [pick your characterization]!" I mean... I get it. Siblings should be supportive. Sometimes, esspecially early on, it does come across as basic sibling support. But there is support and then there is excessive chanting of endless praise long into the night until their dry throat cracks, blood pours from their mouth, and they embrace the agony to praise the oh holy MC. This removes any ability to learn and grow into her. She never once acts the way they tell her she is, and while it is nice to have her viewpoint and emotions directly plugged into the narrative by how the story is a 1st person perspective, which I love, its like trying to pour water on a rock because any and all interesting characterization is sucked out. Combine the constant being told how beautiful and awesome she is, with how every conceivable flaw and potential for growth is short-lived as if it doesn't really exist despite being constantly told they should, and how she should be treated like a princess with the fact she secretely is a princess of beings that are basically gods... and I am very concerned. I'm getting all kinds of red flags in pretty much every interaction.
Side Characters: Bunch of vampires - Half of the MC's problem is the side characters. When you hear there is a large family from many different origins, my first thought is fun, eccentric, potential drama, and so on. Instead they all fit the same exact personality and role: To tell the MC how awesome she is. There is only one SC that doesn't fit this role, the genie, and he is half-interesting because he also spends only 50% of his scenes telling the MC how awesome she is, instead of 100% of his scenes like everyone else. Also half of their interactions with each other don't make any kind of sense, and this is partially because there is no understanding of their characters to know where they are coming from. When you have 5 identical clones yelling random gibberish at each other with no topic at the center of discussing, with nothing starting it, and nothing resolved, and the conversation ultimately going nowhere, it just leaves me confused with a massive sensation of "WTF?!"
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Grammar and word usage: Good - I didn't notice any spelling or intense grammar issues. As I said, I loved how the story is written mostly from a 1st person perspective. There wasn't any point where the choices in words or punctuation confused or hindered the story. There are likely grammar issues somewhere, but I don't notice unless it directly hinders me haha
World Building: I can dig it - The world building is pretty solid and offers a lot to the story. You, very quickly, get the sense that there is something big at work beyond the scope of the immediate scenes. You don't know what. You don't know how. You just have enough provided to have a tension, and its juicy. The genie offers a lot of world building from his small actions and hints as he takes things beyond our sight into account in his words and actions. It can be... obvious. It lacks subtly most of the time. But its not bad. It keeps the story interesting.
Plot: I don't know what I read - At times the story seems a bit like a mystery, at times a romance, at times a multi-verse-scale drama between gods, at times just a slice of life. thankfully this massive disconnection of scenarios has a small thread linking them together by the world building, but its not much. It can work. What shoots it in the foot, however, are the characters. They don't know what they want. Every flaw or potential plot element that can be used to rich effect is resolved in the same scene they are introduced, if it exists at all amidst the endless chorus of "omg your so awesome/beautiful/brave/spiteful/funny/[name it]!" And when the characters don't know what they want or where they are going, and they are all reactionary to events that don't happen to begin with... the story goes nowhere. They are all like kids sitting around a soccer ball waiting to see who will kick it and start the soccer game, to the point that the referree has to step in and go "uh... maybe someone should... you know... do something?". Not a single person gets the ball rolling. So I really find myself asking... "what plot?"
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Overall I would rate it 2 smashing out of 5! I found the story fun and cute if you take it as nothing more than a slice of life, but the way the world building is handled makes it seem like it is trying to be, and ambitious enough to be, something far more, yet none of the characters are mature enough, interesting enough, ambitious enough, independant enough, nor proactive enough to handle anything more... if they can even carry their own plots.
If the characters became exactly that, characters, then they would be able to handle the ambition the story is trying to place on their shoulders, and it would easily be capable of 3/5.
I'm out with a smashing!
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If you are interested in learning to write, mastering the craft, want some really good reads, or just to chat and hang out with a mature group of adults, feel free to hit me up for a smashing discord book club that has lasted years.
