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Before you go smashing always make sure it is loose and lively. It has to squeal when you go smashing!
Next story is "When Death Comes to Visit" by @GoldenWingz.
TLDR; A short epic quest to send death back where he came from.
Main Characters - cool, boring, and parasitic met at a bar - You have a couple main characters. Thanatos, Giorgio, and Isabella. Thanatos is the demi-god of death, Giorgio is one of Zues' millions of bastards, and Isabella is... her. Thanatos is interesting because he has a slightly similar feel to Lucifer DC. He looks down on everyone but is incredibly polite while blending in, and but while Lucifer is hilarious because he is sassy, Thanatos is so incredibly blunt and straight to the point that it is somewhat autistic (I am autistic so its not expressed as an insult) and that is also funny. Somewhat. I got the feeling it was meant to be comedic, but it didn't quite pull it off. All around he was interesting to follow. Giorgio was not interesting, pretty much at any point.
Giorgio has a fair motivation that sheds light on how characters view each other. Thanatos has so little giving-of-the-shits that he just swoops in and changes the kids life on a dime and buzzes off. There is a death threat, in multiple ways, because Thanatos' very presence is deadly to humans and he is going to be giving off the next mega-covid if they dont let him go home. Its funny because its all from Thanatos' perspective at this point.
But then when you jump to Giorgio's journey it all falls apart right from the start. I'd put it down to 5% writing, 15% weak narrative, and 80% Isabella. Her entire extinct is pointless except to make him look weak, sad, pathetic, and unable to do anything while she leeches away every possible good thing away from him. Every roadblock to the hero is solved by her right from the start. Every conflict, she solves before it begins. Every bit of information he could learn, she already knows. Every philosophical question or pondering goes out the window. Her very existence erases Giorgio because every time she did an action or spoke a word I wondered "with her there, what's the point of him?" She is solving this so easily she is turning into a mary sue and rolling out the welcome mat to him like he is royalty who needs everyone else to do all of his work. She handles the journey, the same journey legendary mythos have done, with 1% of the effort. It was as easy as walking down the sidewalk, and that... is just no. I got bored. Why is she even here? For woke political points to say you have a diverse set of characters? Its fair enough that her motivation is to meet mommy... I think... I dont even remember she was so boring, but with a story this short then it needs to be closely confined to only one or two main characters with all their respective relationships, conflicts, and journey and frankly, this isn't her story. If this is her story then she needs to be the one approached by Thanatos or be the one with the POVs. She would need vast improvement if that is the approach the author wants to take, but at least her entire existence won't be parasitic to the point of ruining Giorgio in taking him down with her into obscurity.
Side Characters - meh - There is a fairly large cast of side characters, like the entire Greek mythology apparently. They show up for all of two seconds and offer a bit of plot info or some narrative device then buzz off. Ultimately they offer absolutely nothing. The one and only exception is Thanatos' mother as she at least shows up more than once. Again, with the story this short, you need to be very careful on how many characters you cram into it. Imagine pouring a bowl of cereal and counting all the flakes as they fall out the bag and trying to name them all and have actual full characters behind them, each and every flake, and you will get an idea of what we talking about here. I don't mind a large cast, but either the side characters would then need to be combined into the same role and purpose and be 'group characters' or they need the time and space to have their own role, and that is not possible in this story due to its size... yet its exactly what the author attempts. you cant have your cake and eat it too. You cant have a 9-chapter story where every chapter takes 5 minutes to breeze through and except to be able to fit in 3 main characters and dozens of side characters.
