Ancient's Smashing Reviews

Kueshango Ghji

I can't rate this. I only made it as far as half-way through chapter 3 before I had to stop. Here are my notes.

Prologue - Okay so a fireball lands and he walks through a gate. Imagery with no substance. Doesn't even offer context or setting to the story.

Chapter 1 - So a guy is dumped in hell and spends just as much time claiming to be innocent and wondering why he is in hell as much time as he spends blaspheming, mocking, spitting insults, and saying "i deserve this" and "i deserve that" and "me me me". Is he actually that stupid or was he just dropped in before being judged and told how much of a shitty person he is? The wording half the time also is trying so hard to be flamboyant that it fails to make any sense. Many of the sentences read like "towards the magnet glorious plane the toaster paper You chalkboard to used!"

Chapter 2 - WALLS. OF. TEXT. BY GAWD. When you are being slapped in the face repeatedly and shoved into boiling water I am pretty sure you cannot manage to pull off 25 sentence paragraphs of speech in between slaps.  

Then the level of contrivance is just astounding. A couple demons want to have a meeting and one acts like he doesn't know what the demonic items are, as if he isn't a demon, only to be revealed as one and therefore should know more than he lets on in private, and they cant be bothered to have even one security guard keeping watch to make sure the meeting is secure and just... wow. Are we supposed to take them seriously as half-way compotent? 

The world building is also painfully forced. A little bit of it was fine in its execution, but this was like shoving an entire wiki in two paragraphs as, of course, the big bad retards have to be divulging all their plans for the next 20 years, along with their backstory, along with the entire worlds backstory, and all kinds of other stuff, OUTLOUD AS IF THEY DONT KNOW IT THEMSELVES BECAUSE SERIOUSLY WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO!!?, the one moment girly decides to spy on them from 2 feet away. 

And then all the arguments just fail to make the slightest sense from their own perspectives. The human-skin-demon can't keep his act straight, public or private, what he is. The girl cant say one sentence that actually makes sense in the way she is portrayed because, fore a single example, if she actually believed she had the right to top-secret meetings (which she doesn't have a snowballs chance in hell of having even if her parents weren't human-skin-demons) then she wouldn't be sneaking, so just saying it was all around stupid no matter what her reason to say it was. Then we are trying to force backstories and prologues and "remember what i did to you?" stupidity into page-long paragraphs.

I was more confused after chapter 2 than before. This was pain.

Chapter 3 - So, lets recap. We just learned her parents were actually human-skinned-demons. We get obnoxiously long prologues and recaps and wiki-world building to learn that. And not only do they NOT kill her, but the first thing she does after being exiled onto the street is turn around and want to go back, with begging and puppy eyes and stuff. And she is like "i cant believe they would do this to me".

I'm just... I... no. No, in fact make that Hell no.

After the yelling stupidity of two idiots butting heads for 10 pages in page-long paragraphs, after the abuse, after the clear goal of genocide and with them being demon worshippers while she is (somehow, again this is one of many contrivances) a worshipper of God, this makes absolutely no sense. Even if we were to retcon it back and forth on whether or not they are human or human-skin-demons or human or human-skin demons or human or human-skin-demons and now say they were in fact fully human, then it wouldn't work. If they were demons this wouldnt work. Nothing. About this. Works. Period. 

*sigh* okay lets press on.

So the girl walks off and follows a random bird. The bird flaps its wings and she loses her shit... basically entering an LSD trip for several paragraphs... What? The? Fuck? How does a bird flapping send her into an LSD dream?