Silent Cries (Complete/Being Edited)

Chapter Eleven - Christmas.

I awake on the twenty fourth of December at twelve noon. "Merry Christmas." I mumble as I stumble out of bed and outside of my room to dress and get ready for the day. I walk out of the bathroom in black skinny jeans and a long sleeves ashy red shirt. Even though I hate the holidays I may as well be festive I suppose. Christmas has always been a terrible holiday for my mother and I, she gets stinking drunk off vodka or whatever drink she has stored in the fridge while I go out for a long walk until the next day or so. The cold is distracting to me as I make my way outside of the door. My mother should be back at six or so so I've got time to distract myself. As I walk past Rory's house I see Jessie running at me from the front door.

"H-Hi Bryan." She says panting and struggling to catch her breath and adjusting to the cold chill outside. "Jessie." I say nodding my head and I continue walking but she grabs my forearm holding me back. I fight back a wince because I had a large bruise there from a belt lash from my mother from the night before. "Bryan wait. Rory is out of the full time hospitalization program and he saw you out here and said that he wants to talk with you. So please come inside, it's much to cold for you to be walking around out here anyway dear." She says somewhat pleading. "You're one to talk." I say teasing. She is out here in nothing but a robe and house slippers. She laughs and nods in agreement and links arms with me and guides me inside. Gee I guess I don't have a choice now do I? I think silently to myself.

We walk into the house and I see that Mr. McDaniel isn't present and noting my look of confusion Jessie speaks. "He had to go and run an errand for me. Rory is in his bedroom, just knock and he should let you in." She says sweetly walking off to tend to the Christmas tree in the living room. It is green and well trimmed and decorated much like the rest of the house with lights and reefs everywhere. "Alright." I mutter as I walk down the hallway and knock on Rory's bedroom door.

Within a minute the door opens and Rory is standing before me in a black hoodie and sweat pants liking no worse for wear. He looks me in the eyes and nods grabbing my hand and gently tugging me into his bedroom and shutting the door behind us. He walks over and takes a seat on his bed and pats the spot right next to him and I walk over and take a seat. "First thing I want to say is that I am so very sorry about everything that has happened... I never should've yelled at you I was just blinded by depression." He says his voice shaking slightly. "It's okay. I understand how you feel it's rough to feel so hurt and shattered." I say quietly. He looks up at me and hugs me on my side and I hug him back. "They held me in the hospital for one week to heal and rest and then sent me to the full time hospitalization program for eight days considering how I hurt myself in there. They normally only hold you for just five days but it was bad for me."

I got home a few days ago after visiting my mother in the mental health center. She seemed out of it but that was just her medication but I told her about you and she said that she's happy for us. I see her on my birthday and Christmas every year now." He says. "That's good to hear. You sound better." I say. "I am feeling better that's very true. I have my bad times but that's normal and I'm on anti depressants and pills for anxiety which have helped a whole bunch. They got rid of all of my blades with the locks on all of the doors in the house so that's why we knock now a bit more. I've been clean for three weeks now. I am very proud of myself." He says joyfully rolling up his sleeves.

His lower arms are no longer bandaged but have faint stitches sutured into them. The scar tissue looks white from where the knife entered his skin and the stitches make the healing skin look reddish pink. I look up and he's smiling at me but this time his smile is different... His eyes smile along with him. His smile is genuine and comes from within. I take his face in my hands and I press my lips to his softly for a long moment.

The kiss wipes away all of the hurt and loneliness since the suicide attempt a few weeks ago. Eventually we pull back but our foreheads press together so that we are breathing the same air... It was like I couldn't resist kissing him again but on a different place at that moment.. His scars. I lightly brush my lips down his lower arms and carefully avoid the stitches such as not to cause him any pain. After I've kissed both of his arms I look up and Rory has tears rolling down his cheeks. He tugs me closer and we kiss again warmly and familiarly. "I love you." He says softly. "I love you more." I say back. "I love you most." He says kissing my hands that were clasped in his.

I stay there at Rory's until six and I need to get going but as I stand outside of the door Rory hands me a small box wrapped in newspaper. He nods to me and I unwrap it. Inside is a bracelet that says "Stay Ever Strong." Engraved in a rubber bracelet. I slip it onto my wrist and look up at Rory. "I had two made special for us." He says holding up his wrist with a matching bracelet that is white with red letters like my own. "Thank you Rory." I say. He says nothing and nods smiling and leans over from the door and kisses me lightly and then turns and closes the door behind him.

I walk back to my house and find my mother taking swigs of vodka as expected on the couch with a lit cigarette at hand as well. "Merry Christmas Ma." I say to her. She smiles at me her eyes bright from the alcohol. "Merry Christmas Son." She says her words slurred as she lays back in the couch and turns in some Christmas music. I walk back to my room and lye down on my bed and shut my eyes. Then the horror show that is my dreams begins.

xxxx

I look to be about twelve in this dream and I am running out of my house in the middle of a fierce snow storm. It is nasty with strong winds and snow. I hear a voice screaming behind me as j run down the street. "BRYAN!" The voice belongs to my mother and it gets fainter and fainter as I head towards park at full speed. My mother is angry with me for forgetting to do the laundry and she got so frustrated that when I stepped into the kitchen she threw a plate at me. I dodged it and it shattered against the wall and that was when I charged out of the house. She is drunk so she will not be able to find me in the condition that she's in so I will be fine.

I approach the park and once there I charge into the public restroom. Once inside I run over to the handicap stall and enter it and latch it shut. I am freezing, I ran outside in just sweat pants and a thin long sleeved shirt with no socks on or anything in my feet. Sinking down against the wall I scream. I scream and scream until my throat is raw and my voice is gone. I thrash and shiver balling up on my side up against the stone wall with my cheek pressed up against the chilly concrete. I am silently sobbing now since my voice has been lost from my tearing screams. I don't know how long it is that I stay there but eventually I rise after having fallen asleep and trudge home.

xxxx

I wake from the memory dream and I get up from my bed and look over at the clock, it's midnight and I walk to the bathroom and shut and lock the door behind me and open the drawer at the sink and pull out my blade. I sit down on the side of the tub and roll up my sleeves and but as I am about the press the blade into my wrist I see the bracelet. "No..." I whisper my voice strangled as I rise my entire body shaking and place the blade back into the drawer. I slowly walk back into my bedroom and shut the door and lock it like always. I sit down on my bed and ball up on my side and silently sob much like in the memory and the pain is the very same as that night in the storm. I am deeply cold and shivering from the things that are driving me mad. I drift off to sleep twisting the bracelet on my wrist just as the voices begin their cry from the personal hell that is my mind.