Silent Cries (Complete/Being Edited)

Chapter Fourteen - Stitching Up Old Wounds.

I wake the next morning to a pounding head ache and blazing thighs. I groan as I try and push myself up but when I do I feel as if my thighs were scalded my boiling water and I cry out as I fall back against the mattress. Last night was a mess and indeed very eventful and now my mother knows my secret. At first her reaction was no surprise; of course I would disgust her. Though after I told her how things were she softened and showed love and care that I hadn't experienced since I was a small child. I take deep breaths as I try and make sense of all of the events and emotions of last night and this morning but it all starts to stress me out so I focus on my burning thighs instead... Because this physical pain is far easier to bare.

After a few more tries I finally rise and walk out from my room with my thighs still burning like hell. I shut the door behind me and hug the wall for balance and to lessen the pain in my thighs. I take a deep breath and look over at the couch to see my mother sitting there. She pats a spot next to her inviting me to take a seat. Eager to relax my legs I hobble over to her and plop down groaning.

I hear a sniffle and I look over at my mother to find her in tears. Her face is red and blotchy and she is getting choked up. "Bryan... I-I didn't know that you were in such pain as to do that to yourself." She says gulping and taking a deep breath trying to calm down. "But at the same time I did. You were right when you said that I was acting just like Edwin... He would beat me up and now... I beat you up. I am a very messed up person as you've probably already figured out by now. I was blinded by the alcohol and I never wanted to be sober but I am a very violent drunk. I am not trying to make up excuses for what I have done to you and I can not stress how sorry I truly am. I am not expecting you to forgive me and if you do then that's great but I do want you to know that I will try harder and be better to you." She said calmly.

I was so confused and filled with so many different emotions. On one hand my mother had abused me since my father had left and if I were to try and forgive her and allow her a second chance then that could be a tricky mistake. Though my mother has been through a lot with how badly my father and how her father would beat her. How could she know any better? My grandmother showed her no love or care because she was way to self centered to care for anyone else but herself. My grandfather makes the beatings that she gave me look like a harmless bruise from falling on the floor. I am not one to hold a grudge which is true but I am unsure of so much and my thoughts have always ran wild so this decision is going to be tricky.

After a long silence I finally speak. "Mom I am not one for grudges as you know. I know that you've struggled a lot in your life way more than I have in certain situations. I am just glad that you care enough to understand the error of your ways. I have decided to try and open my heart and forgive you but that will take a long time if I can at all. This is the only chance I'm giving you. If I were in your position then I would want a second chance as well." I said looking at her. She smiled at this and moved like se was going to touch me but thought better of it. "One of the reasons that I would do it was because you are a spitting image of your father and it's like at times that I can't tell the difference.. Especially when I'm intoxicated. I appreciate this more than you'll ever know son. I believe in second chances too. Though if I may ask... Why do you hurt yourself? I know it's because of me but what else?" She asks. "It's not just because of you. I've been self harming since I was thirteen to relieve the stress and emotions and anxiety. It gives me something to focus on and manage which was easier than the emotionally pain burden." I say looking down. I never thought that I would be having this conversation with my mother. "I understand son. That's part of why I drink; it makes it all go away for a while but then when I'd be here... I'd see you and I would have flashbacks and I still do. This is going to very rough for both of us, and it will take a lot of time but I have the utmost confidence that things will get better." She says with a smile.

For once I feel like that I can trust her. Like that I could finally have the mother that I never had when I was young. People make mistakes but of course we do because nobody's perfect. I honestly can't say that I love my mother but maybe one day I may be able to. I don't want to hold a grudge against her because that will only destroy us both even more and if things could get better then that's a chance I'm willing to take.

I look my mother in the eyes and smile. "I feel the same." I say kindly. At that, she smiles at me and leans in and kisses my cheek.

Author's Note.

Now Bryan and Judith have finally begun to try and reconcile at their relationship. They are up for a very rocky road to forgiveness and healing. Do you think it'll work out in the end? Will Bryan finally have the mother that he's always craved?

Thank you all so much for reading and sticking and by me throughout the story. I know the writing quality hasn't been the best. Any feed back is very well appreciated, votes especially.

Until next time.. Stay Strong.