Romeo + Juliet | s.r

Chapter 8

Spencer's POV:

The white light felt unbearable as I squinted my eyes, trying to stop it from blinding me. My hands instinctively went up to rub at my eyes and my forehead. I had a splitting headache, and my whole body ached. Slowly but surely, I become aware of my surroundings.

I was in a hospital.

I hated hospitals. For one, I was a germaphobe and hospitals tend to be filled with germs. Statistics show that patients are nearly six times as likely to come down with staph, strep or another dangerous infection if the patient who used the bed before them had it.

I tried my best to hide my disgusted face but I wasn't sure if it was working.

And two, I hated the fact that someone could be having the best day of their lives while someone else could be having the worst day of their lives. It just didn't seem fair.

Peyton eventually pushed herself into my mind and I shut my eyes again. Slumping back down on the hospital bed and wincing. Right, I hit my head when my body gave out. Like Emily once said, iq of 187 slashed to 60.

I cried out slightly at the sting in the back of my head just as the team walked in.

"How are you holding up?" Garcia asked and I secretly hated the pity in her voice. She held out jello for me and I quickly pried it out of her hands. Jello remains the best thing on this planet. Aside from Peyton. That know it all voice called out from deep inside my mind.

"I'll be okay. Wouldn't be the first time this has happened." I shrugged lousily, not wanting to talk about this anymore. I had ended up losing Maeve too. I swore to protect Peyton and I couldn't, just like I couldn't Maeve. Somehow, anyone I've ever loved just ended up slipping through my fingers.

Sometimes, I wondered if I was even capable of love. I just ended up hurting them. I didn't mean to, I don't know why I always had to ruin the only people I love. It was the one thing I failed to find the answer to.

"When can I leave?" I just wanted to go home and crawl up into a ball and cry. I wanted to let it out but the last thing I wanted was for the rest of them to see me crumble into a million pieces. I wasn't thinking rationally right now, and I hated that I was no more of help to the team.

"Spence, don't you want to know what happened last night?" Unintentionally, I winced at the nickname. When Peyton joined, she only added to the list of people to call me that.

There were only two people on that list. Her and JJ.

"I know what happened. She betrayed us, she was using us. That's what happened." I stated in a monotone voice, trying to keep my hurt emotions from giving my cover up. I only happened to know because Emily had called us early in the middle of the night. Telling us about the voicemail, and we all hurried over to the BAU. Emily hadn't shown up at the round table and she hadn't picked up any of our calls but we figured she wasn't in a position to try and help. After all, she was the closest to Peyton out of all of us.

I tried shimmying my way out of the bed but Morgan blocked me, telling me the nurse was going to come soon for a quick check up before I could leave here.

I hated feeling all useless, all used up. Now that Peyton was gone, there was an empty void over us. Like all the dark, rainy clouds followed us wherever we went. She really was the light of this team, and with her gone, we'd all gone back to pretending everything was ok while in reality, the guilt and weight of our mistakes continued to push us down into a deep lonely hole. We were all downright drowning in our misery, while trying to get each other out of it at the same time.

With her gone, we were right back at square 1. Adding her death to the list of things we could've prevented but failed to. I sighed and closed my eyes. I really couldn't talk about her right now.

A couple hours later, I was finally discharged. In tremendous need of a shower after sitting in a bed full of germs for god knows how long, I hurried over to Rossi to ask him to take me home. He'd ask the least questions.

As we sat in his car, he cleared his throat and I quickly realized I'd made a mistake. I should've just grabbed a cab.

"I understand that you might not want to talk about it kid, but we were close to her too. She was a big part of our lives too, and you shutting us out doesn't help-"

I rolled my eyes before interrupting. My voice shaky and high pitched as I let my frustration out. "You weren't the one who she cuddled to sleep every night, who she kissed, who she trusted enough to hold her after she let out what was hogging her mind. You weren't the one who loved her with everything you had, Rossi. I saw her go through that, and it sucks knowing I failed. I could've shown her the right thing to do." I sighed, desperately rubbing at my eyes to stop the tears from spilling.

"You're right. You have every right to feel like this. I saw how you looked at her. But she meant a lot to all of us. We all failed her. You shouldn't be carrying that weight all by yourself."

And with that, we were at my apartment. Rossi gave me a small smile when I stepped out, closing the car door behind me. I knew that smile. The broken one that you gave to show someone you could fix them, but how could you fix someone else, when you can't even fix yourself?

I barely left my house anymore. Hotch said to take all the time I needed. He said that the last time too. When Maeve died. Days went to weeks, and I was still holed up inside my apartment, where Peyton used to be. She practically lived with me. We never put labels on things or made them official. I guess it was because she knew she was going to leave anyway.

Inside here it was just me. Just me and my mind. Questions swirled inside there with no answers to them. It was dark and scary up there. I knew what it was like to be scared of your own mind.

I wasn't getting much sleep. That voicemail never went away. Instead, I'd have to say it word for word every single time so it would disappear for a while. It came back, it always did. And I just recited it again.

Downsides of having an eidetic memory.

The eyebags just become more visible, my hair all messed up. I look like shit. And my maniac performance of that voicemail didn't help either. I was going crazy.

Eventually I cracked. The tears wouldn't stop, my hands still trembled. Her broken words and sobs echoed inside my mind. So I picked up the phone. Dialing the only person that I knew was hurting as bad as I was.

Surprisingly, she picked up and I sniffled before whispering, "Why does everyone always leave me?"

A/N: i'm sorry i know this is a short chapter. It was a filler chapter but don't worry, because from here, shiz is going downnnn.