Harry Potter One Shots [x Reader]

Remus Lupin

Title: This Is Me Trying

Pairing: Remus Lupin x reader

Summary: After the war and death of your friends, you left Remus. Now that you are back months late will he be able to forgive you?

Word Count: 1.5k

The end of the first wizarding war led to many celebrations throughout England, but you had not been able to find it in you to celebrate when your best friends were murdered by Voldemort. Their son was now an orphan, doomed to live with Lily's Muggle sister and brother-in-law for the rest of his days, and you had learned more heartbreak as the days went on. Before you knew not only had two of your best friends and dozens of others been ripped from your lives, but Peter had been killed by none other than Sirius who had been working for you-know-who. At the end of the ordeal of the war, you and Remus had no one. What was left of your happiness was gone and even the remnants of your life with Remus haunted you. In him, you saw your friends and every reminder made what was left of your mental stability slip away, which led to you leaving abruptly. It didn't matter how much Remus begged for you to stay when you told him you had to leave. It was foolish, you now knew, because as soon as you had left you knew you made a mistake. The way to heal wasn't to be on your own but to be with Remus. But four months later you felt too guilty to come back until the day you stood in front of the door.

The weathered wooden door of the cottage you had shared with Remus looked familiar but the surroundings had changed. The vegetable garden you used to grow had withered away. You knew after everything the home you had before might not be yours, but you hoped Remus could find it in himself to forgive you, to understand why you had left. Taking a deep breath, you ignored the rain beginning to soak your clothes as you knocked twice on the door. When opened you were greeted with a face that you hadn't seen for months on end, all of your own doing. Remus's eyes showed the exhaustion that came with the end of the war - with the death of your friends and your flight from your home months ago. Unsurprisingly, he was quick to move to shut the door before you moved forward to interject.

"Remus." You pleaded with your eyes widening in a silent plea. "Please don't shut the door."

He scoffed loudly at your plea and despite the anger, he felt upon seeing you, he swung the door open and stepped outside. Ignoring the rain that began hitting his face and ruining his dry clothes. "What are doing here, Y/N?" He asked as he looked at you with a pained expression. "It's been four months, I hardly think you have anything to say to me after you left."

"Remus-" You tried to begin again in a soft voice before he interjected.

"What could you possibly have to say to me - to come here for?" He said in a frustrated voice, the rain he was standing in the least of his worries.

Your emotions bubbled up and you couldn't help but raise your voice. "I'm sorry!" You cried out as your hands flung wildly to the sides. "I just couldn't be here anymore, you have to understand-" You begged of him. This only angered him beyond compare thinking of how miserable the last four months had been.

"I needed you!" He shouted as he stepped forward visibly angry as the betrayal spread to his eyes. "I needed you-" He choked out before swallowing the lump in his throat and shaking his head furiously. He looked baked at you with a broken expression. "I need you and you left, Y/N. Why in Merlin's name would you leave me after everything? After James and Lily. After Sirius-" He rambled as his anger only grew and shook his head again, looking off to his side. He didn't want to see you and he didn't want to talk about him, about the one who had been the reason your best friends were dead and their son an orphan.

"This is all I have, Remus!" You cried and felt the hot tears pouring from your eyes merge with the summer rain and you couldn't be bothered to wipe your tears away. It was cruel, that you were crying your heart in the warm summer rain. Before the memories you held before with summer rain was running back to the castle with Remus after a picnic by the Black Lake the first weekend at Hogwarts. Now you could feel the rain act like an obliviate charm as it nimbly took away your happy memories and replaced them with heart-wrenching ones like this moment. "I couldn't cope. I didn't even know how to act after everything happened and I couldn't even bear the sight of-"

"Of me?" Remus cut in as he pointed a finger at his chest, his pain just as evident as your own. He stepped forward as he came into your personal space. "You couldn't bear the sight of me, then? Was that it then? Our friends are gone and you finally can't deal to be with a monster anymore?" He spat out as his jaw clenched. He was breathing heavily as his resentment and anger bubbled up.

Your uncharted sadness faltered at that moment as your own eyes narrowed at him. Of all the things he would say you couldn't stand hearing those words. "You can't believe that. You know that I don't think of you like that - that I've never thought that." You said lowly, almost begging him to see reason.

"Makes sense to me, doesn't it?" He retorted in a low tone, his anger rising once more. "It was one thing when we were at school but now that Lily and James are gone what does it matter? I'm too much of a burden for you and you could only stand the sight of me for so long before-" He spoke venomously before you cut him off.

Thrusting your arms forward in your furious state, you pushed at his state which didn't do much damage but displayed your anger at him. "How could you say that?" You questioned furiously as hot tears coated your cheeks. "I've been in love with you for years Remus and if it wasn't for this bloody war we could have built a life!" You shouted, no longer hiding your heartbreak.

His hands caught yours on his chest as he held you in place, not pulling you closer to him but not pushing you away. "Then why?" He asked defensively, his anger simmering but his heartbreak still visible. "Why would you leave me when we were all we had left?"

Your expression softened for a moment, realizing the hurt you had caused the only person you now had left. "Remus, I could barely look at anyone after the funeral, and when we found that he-" You cut yourself off, getting just as choked up as he had earlier at the person you had once thought was your best friend. "I could barely look at you because you reminded me of them. I couldn't stay here and being with you killed me but never because I didn't love you." You confessed and heavily let out a breath. Remus's expression had softened and the anger slipped away at last. Still holding your hands that were placed on his chest at an arm's length, he gently pulled you forward until you were close to him. You looked up at him and for the first time in months found yourself staring deeply into his eyes. "I've never stopped thinking about you the minute I left but I was too much of a coward to come back." You said as softly as can be as you looked off to the side, ashamed of your mistakes that you knew you didn't deserve to be forgiven for.

Not pondering on his thoughts for a moment, Remus spoke up at once, "You're home now, that's all that matters." As he looked down at you softly, you felt yourself break as you fell in his arms as you let out the pent up emotions months in the making. As you leaned onto his chest you allowed yourself to cry for the first time since the funeral of your best friend months ago. The feeling of you leaning into Remus made him feel whole once again and even though you were two broken pieces after the violence that the war brought, you made each other whole. Remus ignored the feeling of both of your drenched clothing that clung uncomfortably to your bodies as he wrapped his arms around you for dear life, knowing that he never wanted to let you slip out of his fingertips again. "We'll be ok." He whispered as his chin rested on your head that was now drenched from the downpour. Ignoring the rain he affirmed to you and himself, "We'll be ok as long as we have each other."