Peter Parker One Shots

{HAH! I Got Kidnapped}

Requested by anon: Can I have one where Peter allows himself to get kidnapped for some reason. C R A C K?

Disclaimer: I don't own Marvelllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll and neither do I own Marvel (That was lame I'm so sorry please excuse me while I delete my existence).
This work was inspired by 'It IS easy to kidnap Spiderman (If Peter Parker doesn't want to go to a board meeting)' by Lurafita on ao3.

TW: Kidnapping. Crack treated seriously.

**********

"I don't want to go to a goddamn gala," Peter groaned as he walked alongside MJ and Ned.

"Well, you tried to ask Mr. Stark, and he said no. So you can't do anything," Ned stated.

"He didn't say no," Peter said, "He said and I quote, 'I suffer, you suffer with me.'"

MJ snorted.

"God, if you're real, please let some miracle happen to save me from a boring gala," Peter prayed.

As if answering his prayers, a black van screeched down and stopped near where he was standing, and the door opened to reveal three men in ski masks.

"You, Peter Parker," one of them snarled, "Get in the van before we force you to."

Peter blinked at them, "Are you going to kidnap me?" he asked, eyes wide.

"Yes, now get in," he growled.

Now, imagine everyone's(except Ned and MJ's) surprise when Peter fucking whooped, then practically nyoomed into the van, diving in the empty seat. 

"Wha..." the apparent leader trailed off.

"Dudes," Peter said, poking his head back out, "Move your asses before someone calls the police. You're kidnappers for gods' sake."

The men instantly jumped into their vehicle and started slamming the doors shut.

"GUYS," Peter yelled from an open window as the van was speeding away, "DON'T CALL HIM BEFORE 7 PM."

Ned blinked, then turned to face MJ, "Did he really do that?"

MJ, who had her head in her hands, nodded defeatedly.

**********

"Pep, I don't wanna go," Tony whined, following Pepper around like a lost puppy. 

"You need to, Tony," Pepper scolded, "Even Peter is going. Learn something from him."

Tony snorted but didn't say anything, crossing his arms and pouting at the floor.

"Boss, you have a video call from Peter Parker," FRIDAY suddenly declared... why does she sound so done?

"Accept it," Pepper said when Tony didn't.

A clear hologram opened in front of them to show... what the hell?

Peter, the absolute brat, was tied to a chair with ropes he could break in a millisecond and had a gun pointing at his head. He was trying and failing to hide a grin, and had a badly painted bruise on his face. Heck, he could see the paint crumbling. 

"Mr. Stark, Miss Potts," he stated, "As you can see, I've been kidnapped. Truly unfortunate, that," he said 'sadly', "My kidnappers want 10 million dollars-"

"1 million," the man behind the camera hissed.

"I want 9 million dudes, I'm the main reason you're getting the money," Peter scolded, "And can you remove the gun, it's itchy," he said to the man standing beside him. The man shrugged and pocketed his gun, opting to stand next to him with his arms crossed.

"Thanks, anyway, they want 10 million dollars in cash," he said, "That's all I had to say, right?" he asked someone behind the camera.

"Yeah, good job," the man assured, then brought out a plate of sandwiches and a milkshake.

"Get us the money, Stark," another growled, then cut the call.

There was silence for a few seconds. 

.

.

.

"Pep, my kid is in danger," Tony said, 'panicked', "I need to go save him, my poor Spider-Baby. So sorry. Seems like we cannot come to the gala tonight," he said and sprinted out of the room, his Iron-Man suit forming around him.

Pepper just stared at the wall for two seconds, then started laughing hysterically.