Peter Parker One Shots

{Pick-Up Lines}

Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel.

TW: Floof!! And Peter being a hot badass (as he is in all of my one-shots). Peter x Harley because I missed this ship. Also also, CHEESY PICK-UP LINES!!

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"When is my replacement coming, old man?" Harley asked.

"For the millionth time, Keener, he's not a replacement," Tony shot back without looking up from the blueprint he was hunched over, "And he'll be coming any moment now."

As if on cue, they heard the tell-tale sign of the elevator dinging.

"Pete, get something to eat and come in the lab, I have someone you would like to meet," Tony called.

"I'll come in the lab first because food deserves to be eaten peacefully on a table, not in your lab, where you are present to disturb me, Mr. Stark" a voice called back, and then Peter walked in, and oh no...

He was unfairly gorgeous. No one should be this gorgeous. What gave him the right to have such gorgeous brown eyes? Or such pretty, pale skin? Or such soft-looking curly hair? And, oh my god, were those sweater paws?

Harley put on his most charming smirk and offered Peter his hand, "Hello darlin', it's pleasure to meet you, I'm Harley Keener."

The boy smiled sweetly and shook his offered hand, "I'm Peter Parker."

And Harley said fuck it I'm going to flirt with him I don't care I met him 3 seconds ago, "Hey, do you know what my shirt is made of?"

Peter blinked up at him, "What?"

"Boyfriend material," he winked at him. He could distinctly hear Tony choking on air in the background.

Peter hummed and eyed Harley, "I don't know, it looks a little too clingy and hard-to-maintain," he said casually and walked out.

.

.

.

"Oh yes, I forgot to warn you," Tony grinned, "Don't be fooled by his oversized sweaters or cute charm, he's a little shit."

"I'm in love," Harley stated, staring at the closed door.

**********

This started a game for them.

Harley would use any and all pick-up lines he could think of on Peter, and he would shoot him down. They somehow seemed to have mutually agreed that as soon as Harley managed to find a pick-up line Peter did not have the answer to, Harley would win and take Peter on a date. 

**********

"Say, darlin'," Harley said, interrupting everyone's conversations on the dinner table, "I think there's something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you."

"I think there's something wrong with mine too," Peter said sincerely, picking up some salad and serving himself, "Because I can't see you getting anywhere with me."

Bucky cackled and high-fived Peter across the table.

**********

Peter was cutting an apple, minding his own business when Harley popped out of nowhere to lean against the wall.

"Do you believe in love at first sight? Or do I need to walk by again?" he asked flirtatiously.

"Go ahead," Peter said, looking up at Harley, "I think I'm getting rusty on hitting a moving target," he casually brought up the knife he was cutting the apple with. He flung it at Harley, who had frozen in shock. The knife whizzed past him and stuck to the wall next to him.

Peter strutted up to him and leaned close, so close their lips nearly touched, "Looks like I haven't lost my skills," he breathed out. They were so close Harley could easily count the faint freckles Peter had spread over his nose and cheeks.

Then, Peter pulled the knife out of the wall, picked up his apple, and skipped out of the kitchen.

Harley collapsed face-down on the sofa, and that is how Pepper found him, an hour later.

**********

Tony exasperatedly watched as Harley gained The Look, as the Avengers had dubbed it, and bee-lined straight to Peter.

"Are you a magician?" he said loudly. Peter didn't even flinch, writing something on the whiteboard, "Because abra ca-dayum."

"Yeah, I am," Peter capped the marker, "Now watch me disappear," and he jumped up in the vent conveniently placed right above him.

Tony's shoulders shook and he hunched into himself more so that Harley wouldn't see tears of laughter running down his face.

(Harley knows Peter is Spider-Man).

**********

Peter and Nat were sparring, with everyone else making bets in the background and/or cheering them on. Harley was just looking at Peter, because he was shirtless, and damn his stomach had goddamn butterflies in it.

"Darlin'," Harley called, unable to resist himself, "If I say that you have a beautiful body, will you hold it against me?" 

Clint and Sam hooted. Peter flipped over Nat with ease.

"If I say I want to check out your ass, would you turn around and walk away?"

Harley groaned in his hands, flipping off Steve, who was patting his shoulder while laughing.

**********

Then finally, one fine day...

"I'm really attracted to you," Harley said during breakfast. The rest of the team immediately quietened down, "According to Newton's law of gravitation, you're attracted to me too."

Everyone looked at Peter, who was... Wait... was he blushing????

Peter bit his lip and peeked at Harley through his eyelashes, "Tomorrow, 7 pm, come to the roof," and he flounced out of the room.

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.

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"YOU MEAN ALL THIS TIME, ALL I HAD TO DO WAS SAY A SCIENCE PICK-UP LINE TONYSTOPLAUGHING."

**********

Just a smol one-shot for you guys before I have to seriously put away my laptop because... exams.

I larb you 3000, my Fuzzies <3<3