Chapter 45

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It's been a few days, Nina and Matthias are bellow deck, she is having withdrawals from the drug and I feel awful for not being able to do anything

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It's been a few days, Nina and Matthias are bellow deck, she is having withdrawals from the drug and I feel awful for not being able to do anything. I am standing, looking out at the ocean breathing in the salt smell that reminds me of Ketterdam. "I thought I would find you here" a voice breaks through my thoughts, I turn and see Kaz standing next to me. Smiling I look back out to the water "not many places to hide" I jest, twirling my finger around the streak of blonde in my hair.

Kaz leans forward on the bar "why would you want to hide?" He asks and I shrug standing up straight "I'm surprised" I say dodging his question "you haven't spoken to me since the Ice Court" he looks over at me. His dark eyes lighter as the sun begins to set "I was terrified" he admits softly, "terrified what I would have done if you had died" I smile and stretch my arms out in front of me "well it would have meant more money for you".

Kaz steps closer then and my pulse quickens "if you had died that day" he breathes out slowly as if calming himself "I would have murdered every guard in the Ice Court, hell I would have killed everyone if it would have brought you back" my eyes are shining with tears, "why would you do that?" I ask my voice breaking slightly. Kaz tucks a piece of my hair behind my ear and cups my face in his eyes holding eye contact "Salem you are-" before he can finish Matthias appears next to us.

Kaz breaks away instantly and I turn to Matthias a fake smile on my face "yes Matthias?" I ask and he goes ted realising he was interrupting something "sorry, I um. Nina asked for you" he explains. I nod my head and follow him away, before going inside I turn to see Kaz but he has already disappeared. Did I make it all up? It's dark below and Nina is writhing in pain on the table Inej was laying on, on the way here. "Hey, you asked for me" I say softly as I sit next to her and take her hand "help. Me" she manages out through gritted teeth and I swallow hard "I don't know how Nina, you have to push through it" she shakes her head and tries to sit up but wince as she falls back down.

"You are Grisha" she says "we can take each other's pain away" I frown searching her face "ok you are definitely delusional" I joke and she smiles shaking her head "you can. Try, please" sighing, I move closer to her and clasp her hand in both of mine. I take a deep breath and close my eyes focusing on her pain. It isn't working and getting annoyed I stand up and let go of her "I can't do it Nina I'm sorry" and I storm from the room.

Back on the open air I go over to Matthias, hugging my arms around my body "I'm sorry Matthias, I couldn't help her" slowly he looks down at me. I feel the others looking at us from across the boat, his eyes are a storm of emotions and I feel pity for him. He raises his hands and I flinch thinking he is going to hit me and he hesitates before he does something I don't expect. He goes down on one knee and places a hand over his heart "my queen" my eyes go wide and I grab Matthias by the elbows helping him up "nope nuh ah I'm no ones queen stand up" I start to panic. I just told him I couldn't help the love of his life, what is wrong with him?

"Yes you are" a voice says from behind me and I whirl around to see Kaz standing with Wylan and Jesper "you are the queen of the Barrel, queen of the Dregs and the queen all of us chose. You are our queen Salem" I snort and retort "when did you become so righteous?" He shrugs trying to hide his familiar smirk from the others "when I saw who you really were"

A/N: I have been wanting to right this chapter for ages I'm glad I finally got here!!!

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