The Trouble with Kissing Connor

Chapter 26 (Sadie)

My world shook, like a meteorite had just crashed and exploded at my feet. The smell of mint and cinnamon was so intense. It overpowered everything.

"Why the hell did you do that?" I screamed at her. I was seeing red. "How did you even know...." Suddenly, memories of the pen on the floor and the sense that someone had been at my desk flooded my mind. "You...You came into my room and you went through my computer! You read it all, didn't you?"

She looked vaguely amused now and I wanted to slap that look right off her face. "You really shouldn't leave things like that open," she taunted.

I lost it. I took her by the shoulders and slammed her into the wall behind the clubhouse. "Why?!" I wailed, fighting back tears of rage. "We were just about to... he was going to....and I deleted the account, I'm not going to be messaging him again like that, so why? Why did you do that? Fuck, I can't believe you did this! You're such a liar."

McKenzie shoved me back now. "Liar?! Talk about the cats-fish calling the kettle black. You lied to him, Sadie. Pretended to be someone you weren't. "Mystery Mint Kisser?...Seriously? That's not even a good pseudonym...And then you made up all that bullshit about your parents being divorced and you emailed him all that crap about 'understanding what he was going through,' her tone was mocking. "Seriously Sadie, who knew you were so good at catfishing? You should be ashamed of yourself!"She spat the words out like venom. They flew through the air and straight for me, like a million sharpened needles. It was excruciating, but...

She was right. As much as I hated her guts right then and wished she hadn't been born, she was right. How did I expect this to turn out? Secrets always have a way of coming to the surface. And they always destroy. Secrets destroy.

"Sadie....?" I looked up and Connor was standing there. My heart felt like it ripped right through my body and broke into a million pieces. I'd never seen him look like that before. Pale. Sick. Confused.

"You were the one emailing me?" he asked, his voice soft, almost inaudible. I didn't know what to do, but nod feebly.

"Please tell me it's not true?" He sounded desperate. "Please..."

"Connor, I'm so sorry, I–"

"Stop!" He held his hand up. "No. I don't believe it. Because you're my best friend and my best would never lie to me like that, right?"

"I...I..." I stuttered, I had no idea what to say to him to make this better. Was there anything I could do to make this better?

"Wait, did you also...?" And then something else flashed across Connors face, more understanding, more recognition. "If you were messaging me, then you were also..." he stopped and held his head for a moment. "You kissed me," he finally said, as if only figuring out all the puzzle pieces now.

I nodded again, this time biting my lip and fighting back the tears.

"You're the mystery mint kisser." He pointed at me now, his finger seemed accusatory.

My world shattered. I saw it happen before my eyes. Every hope I'd ever had for Connor and I. Every dream and fantasy... gone.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, sounding desperate. 

"I didn't know how to, I..."

"So instead, you pretended to help me find her for weeks?"Connor looked at me in utter shock. "And you lied to me about your parents getting divorced, when you knew what I was going through?"

"Connor...I...Oh God, I know it sounds bad, and it is bad. It's so bad, but you were hurting, badly and I was desperate to help you and I thought that if you had someone you could talk to, that you could relate to then....I was trying to make you feel better. I was trying to–"

"Wow! Sadie! I feel like I don't know you anymore."

"No, don't say that. You do know me, I'm your best friend."

"Best-friend, hey? I didn't think best friends lied to each other," he spat those words at me with such anger that I couldn't hold them back any longer. The tears started streaming down my cheeks. "Mind you, I didn't think parents lied either. But they do. Clearly, I'm the fucking idiot here." 

"I'm so, so sorry." My words were so faint that I barely heard them myself. "I know what I did was wrong, I know, but I didn't know how else to reach you. I didn't know how else to comfort you. It was stupid, I should never have done it, but I did and....I'm so sorry."

Connor shook his head in disbelief and maybe denial, and then he took a step backwards. Backing away from me, like I was contagious. 

"Connor, wait." I started to panic and stepped towards him, but he held his hand up.

"Don't...don't talk to me again."

"Please."  I was desperate. 

"How could you do this to me?"

Before I could respond, he turned and ran off. My knees felt like they were going to collapse under me.