The Trouble with Kissing Connor

Chapter 41- Connor

I woke up the next morning and for a few blissful seconds, my mind was completely blank. But then the memories of the night before flooded in.

Some good. Very good. Others shockingly bad. Sadie wanted a break from me. I paced my room a few times and didn't know what to do with myself. I felt like one of those toys that had been wound up, and not the energy had to be released. I stopped pacing and saw my tennis racket bag in the corner of my room, and something inside me reached out and grabbed it. I slung it over my shoulder and started jogging. Out the house and onto the road.

When I reached the courts, they were locked, so I did what I usually did and climbed over them. I wouldn't get into trouble for this, they all knew me down at the club. I pulled my racket out the bag and the grip felt like it fitted into my hand perfectly. I threw my racket in the air, watched it flip over and caught it by the grip again perfectly, like I always did. I grabbed a new jar of tennis balls out my bag and pulled the lid off. The air inside released with a little sound and that smell hit me all at once. I loved that smell. Fresh tennis balls. Bright yellow and fluffy and ready to hit.

I walked over to the wall and hit the ball against it. It bounced back at me and it hit it again. It bounced back, and again. And again, and again. The motion of my arm through the air, the sound of the ball on the wall, the bounce and then the feel and sound of it hitting my racket, was soothing and almost hypnotic. For the hour that I hit the ball against that wall, I forgot everything. Forgot all my problems and focused on nothing else other than me, the wall and then ball.

When I was done, I wiped the sweat from my forehead and stared down at the racket in my hands. I had done that for me. Not for my dad. Perhaps for the first time ever, I had picked up the racket and hit the ball for me and me alone. I smiled. I knew what to do. Knew what I wanted to do.

I grabbed my phone out my bag and typed the message as fast as I could, in case I changed my mind.

I'm in. What do I need to do?

I typed to the scout. He messaged me back immediately.

That's great! We have a few people trying out, we were going to make them play a tournament and the winner and runner up would get the scholarship. But I've seen you play Connor. You'll win anyway. So if you want, we can offer you a place immediately.

Immediately! The words screamed at me from the screen. I'd imagined that I would go there next year, not now. But...

Sadie wanted a break. She needed one. And if I loved her, I needed to give her that space and there was no way I was going to be able to do it if I lived next-door to her and could see into her bedroom window from my house. My fingers shook as I typed back.

Let me talk to my parents today and get back to you.

**

I called a meeting with my parents that afternoon. We all sat in the lounge uncomfortably and neither of us spoke until I broke the silence.

"I've decided to take the tennis scholarship," I blurted out.

"Wait, if you're sure that's what you want to do," my dad said, "I don't want you to do something that you–"

"I want to do it," I cut him off. "I want to."

My dad smiled at me, and for the first time since the divorce bombshell, I found myself smiling back at him.

"That's great news," my mom said, also smiling. I also hadn't seen her smile like that since the D bomb.

"Speaking of news, your mom and I have some news to share too," my dad said, looking over at my mother.

"What?" I sat forward in my chair.

"After our last talk, you said some things that really hit home and made me think."

"Oh?"

"I've chatted to your mom, and the two of us are going to try some therapy. You were right about me not being the kind of person who would give up so easily, and so, I'm not. I turned that job down, and I'm going to be moving back in. Your mom and I are going to take some time to really focus on our relationship, and see if we can't make it work."

"You are?"

My mom nodded and leaned forward in her chair. "This is not a promise though, Connor. Your dad wants to try, and so do I, and we are going to see what happens."

I nodded at them, trying not to let hope run away with me. And then a thought hit me. "The scout says I can start immediately, if I want."

"Immediately, wow, that seems very drastic, and sudden," my mom replied.

"Or perfect," I said.

"What do you mean," my mom asked.

"Well, if I wasn't here, it would give you guys a chance to focus on your relationship. You could get to know each other again, get to know the people you fell in love with all those years ago, before I came along." I smiled at them both. If my going away now would give them a better chance of making it, then I wanted to do it. I already knew that going away now would be best for Sadie and I. Stuff was finally starting to make sense. For the first time in weeks, things seemed like they were making sense.

"Only go not if that's what you want," my dad said.

I looked at him for a whole and searched my feelings one last time, and came to the same conclusion I'd come to moments ago.

"Yes. I want to go. Now," I said, feeling totally sure of myself.