Heart of Sin

Three Years

Aisha

"Come on, you gotta get up!" Freya begs over the phone.

"And what? Have the media all over me? I already woke up to so many texts." I shake my head even though she can't see me. "It's best I stay to myself today."

I don't even let her speak before I hang up. I'm just so fucking exhausted and have been crying all morning over the death of my parents.

It's not fair.

Hasn't been for the past three years.

**

Slow steps, Aisha. Slow steps.

I hold onto a nearby tree, catching my breath.

"You should probably get a crunch." a familiar voice comes out of nowhere, startling me.

I shriek. "Sin..."

"What's wrong with your legs, kiddo?" he leans against the tree.

"I was unable to walk for three years and this past month I've finally regained feeling in my legs so I'm still struggling to get used to the feeling of walking again." I frown.

He tilts his head. "How did you lose feeling in your legs?"

"Don't ask stupid, Sin. You and I both know what happened." I look down, preparing for a whole questionnaire about my life now.

"I honestly don't. I just came in two days ago from Ohio." he says, shocking me.

"Wow, that actually gives me some relief." I slide down the tree, pulling my knees up to my chest.

He slides down with me. "What happened?"

"Three years ago today, the bridge we were driving on collapsed. Cars fell on top of cars and our car rolled down a bank next to the interstate under us." I begin to get emotional. "Nobody survived." my voice cracks as I try to hold back my tears. "I was supposed to die that night. I wanted to die after realizing all that happened, but, some stranger ran down and got me out." I trail off. "I wish I could thank him and talk about that night since I quite literally have no one that understands. It hurts so much..."

He stares at the ground, processing everything. "It wasn't your time to go. If it was, then that stranger wouldn't have taken you to safety. I'm really sorry all of this happened to you, I am, but it's time to grow. You can walk now and everything seems good physically, it's just your mind we gotta fix."

"It's really hard for me. I just can't explain how I feel. I lost everything of mine that night, but the death of my parents will always hurt the most." I tug my lips to the side.

"I'm sorry. I couldn't imagine going through what you felt. Take some time and do some fun things rather than stressing all this." he suggests.

"I just got feeling back in my legs. Not much I can do."

"Why not painting?"

"Painting?"

"Yeah! Whenever I was stressed and felt defeated, I always expressed my anger in drawings or paintings while I had background music on. It helps a lot." he explains.

I give a little smile, examining his face and taking everything into consideration. "Yeah... I think I might do that. Thank you..."

"Yeah of course." he gets back on his motorcycle.

"I have a question." I stay, stopping him in his tracks.

I nervously play with my fingers as the burning question I'm dying to ask is also very frigging embarrassing. "Why me?"

He tilts his head in confusion. "Why you?"

"It's just..." I sigh. "Everyone in town talks about you." I get my point around and he just rolls his eyes, huffing. "I've seen it with my own eyes as well though, Sin. You don't talk to people and you just ignore them... so why me?"

He shakes his head. "I better head out."

"Sin, wait!"

He throws on his helmet and speeds off.

Great.

Now he thinks I'm a creep.

**

"Hey love..." Camilla walks in with a little chocolate cake. "We got your favorite."

I give them a sad smile, letting go of the picture frame of mom, dad, and I. "Thank you."

"Anything you wanna do tonight?" Freya sits next to me.

Remembering what Sin said, I nod. "Yeah... why don't we paint? I have three canvas's and all the paints!"

They look at each other and nod. "Yeah!"

We all shoot up and I stagger my weak legs to my closet, grabbing my big suitcase of paints and brushes as well as my canvas's.

Before painting, we pull up pinterest for some painting inspiration and I decided on a night time woods theme as it gives me a feeling of relief, Freya chose spongebob, and Camilla just decided to paint her dog.

I turn on some music that gives me a sense of comfort.

It's so peaceful...

It really amazes me that a hardcore badboy everyone is making Sin out to be, has a beautiful way to calm down.

Honestly, it feels like there's more to him than being rumored about. But I most certainly won't know since I scared him off.

"Welcome back to channel 2 news—"

I look up and see all of the photos from that night.

My heart pounds and I instantly get flashbacks, one after another.

I feel my body shaking and my bottom lip trembling.

I can't breathe

I feel trapped, like I can't escape this feeling of being there.

"Turn it off!" Camilla smacks Freya before shutting the whole tv off. "I'm so sorry! Deep breathes, love. Deep breathes!" she rubs my back.

"I'm gonna get her a glass of water!" Freya runs out of my room and down the stairs to the kitchen.

"Breathe, Aisha, breathe." Camilla says in a soothing voice. Something my mom always did when I broke down into fits. "You're okay... nobody is gonna hurt you. You're safe, I promise. Do your five senses, babe."

I inhale for five seconds, hold for five, and release for five over and over again until I came bring myself to find five things I can see, four things I can feel, three things I hear, two things I smell, and one thing I can taste.

"I can't do this." tears flood my eyes like a waterfall. "I thought I could, but I can't. I'm sorry."

I curl up in my bed, crying my eyes out.

It never gets easier.

I thought this year would be different,

but it's not.