Jaxs's Random Titanfall abominations

Saudade

 Clover huffed as she leaned over the sink, grasping the edges as she stared herself down in the mirror, her eyes shone like daggers under a light.

She found herself longing for something she thought she'd never want again, something she swore off years ago. The cold never bothered her until she was surrounded by warmth.

Now she craved it like a dog and its food.

It was a one time thing, she warned herself, a one night stand, that was all.

She cursed at herself to not get attached.

But the memories of a few nights prior continued to flood into her mind, plaguing her thoughts.

Zerchevs body pressed up against hers. Their warm hands cupped around her ice cold hands. Their small giggles that escaped their mouth that melted her heart.

"Stop" she muttered, shaking her head like a dog riding the water on its pelt to flush the images away. She hated this, this feeling, this moment, that moment, the way she felt.

She felt so weak at that moment, and Clover is not weak, but it felt so right to let her guard down, to trust somebody, to be careless and forget about the world and it just be them, together without a worry on their minds.

She refused to name it but she knew deep down she loved them.

And she hated it. But she couldn't escape it. No matter how hard she tried.

It always came running back. Or she supposed she runs towards it, craving the carvings of affection that Zerchev etched into her heart, intentionally or not. Lapping it up as if dehydrated.

It was like a maze and every turn there they were, waiting for her with open arms.

They filled her thought stream constantly, like it was the only thing she was driven by, hoping to see the smile under the helm.

Hoping to have a break from War.

But she drew back, holding herself away, hiding her feelings, scolding herself roughly.

She could not love, not again.

Never, again.

Love only brings pain, especially during war, there is not a time nor a place for people to fall in love. And war brings death. Love and War do not mix. Clover knows this, she's experienced this first hand.

And she doesn't want to experience it again.

She does not want to feel her heart shatter, right after she had just pieced it back together. Oh so delicate it was, and oh how hard she tried, and succeeded, to protect it.

Clover did not want to feel the pain of watching a loved one die infront her eyes.

'Then work hard to protect them,' she told herself, 'work hard to protect that warmth, that warmth you crave so damn badly'

Maybe.

Just maybe.

She can make one exception.

Clover was a broken gun and the only one able to fix it was Zerchev

She just had to let them.

.

.

.

.

.

'Finally'

'Oh shut up Flicker'

'What? I'm just tryna tell the truth'

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oh my gods i finally wrote something, i have been so braindead i am so sorry-

anyways 

Clover(and Flicker) belong to the one and only, me!

While Zerchev Belongs to my dear dad slavic_potato 

once again i am so sorry for not posting more lol