To Die List(CrankGameplays X Reader)

~XXII~

My worst fear is someone on tiktok finding my account and making fun of it. Nothing is scarier than the people on there

This is just wattpad and there really are no rules, so this book can be as long and dragged out as I want or need it to be. Soo if I'm too slow with anything or taking to long to make things happen, I'm sorry :) I literally have no idea how legit authors/good writers make a book with a decent amount of chapters and still get everything in without making anything seemed rushed or too soon ;-;

Y/n's POV

Watching my new pet fish swim around was my new favorite pass time. His tiny, curious self searching his tank high and low for something everyday. Eventually he looks around outside his tank, his small eyes scanning over whatever he could see in my bedroom. He was cute.

If it weren't for Ethan, I wouldn't have ever gotten to experience this pass time. In times when pain and weakness took over, watching my fish was the most interesting and relaxing thing to do. Well, it was the most relaxing until my night with Ethan last night.

Hearing his heartbeat through his body and feeling the soft rise and fall of his breath along while his fingers rested on my head took first place of most calming. I didn't believe him, I thought whatever he was going to do wasn't going to do anything for me. Thank god I didn't have any energy to argue. I never wanted it to end, even if we sat there like that for a hours.

Ethan ended up walking me home before he left for school. As much as I just wanted to be left at the abandoned house, he wouldn't let me. He was too worried for my safety, which was sweet I guess. I know nothing would have happened, but again, I didn't have any energy to argue. He brought me to my room and asked me if I needed anything.

I almost wanted to tell him to stay with me, to rub my head again and lay with me. Almost.

Instead, I shook my head and closed my eyes as if I were going to sleep. Time alone would be nice. Ethan said a few words before he left, closing my door as quietly as he could as to not make my head hurt any worse, but I couldn't understand them. I paid no thought to it though, only assuming it was a goodbye of some sort or a reminder to take care of myself. It couldn't be too important.

So there I was, left in the dark with only Swim Shady's tank light acting as a night light. It was comforting there. The almost inaudible hum of his light and the water moving around with the warmth of my bed surrounding me. Even if sleeping was difficult at the moment, at least my room had a nice feel to it.

I closed my eyes, laying as still as a person could. Eventually, this is all I'll be able to do. Six feet under in a wooden box, rotting away with the earth. Thinking about finally being dead and underground was another thing I did often, but it wasn't one of my favorites. It freaked me out most of the time, but other times I accepted it for what it was. I thought about what it would look like, how it would feel (though I knew there wouldn't be too much of feeling), what may be after. It was too much for my throbbing head right now.

I adverted my attention to other ideas and daydreams- sweeter ones. Ones that wouldn't cause spirals or mental pain. Ones like Ethan showing he cares in the small ways, like a fictional boy in a teenage romance movie. Like finally having a friend to have and share all the good moments with. Like how even if I have a terminal illness, good things are still happening. Better things now than anything before being diagnosed.

Even with the worst, greatness still found a way to sneak in with it.

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