Chapter 99

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"Hello my vros," I said.

'Brendon, you look so sad. What happened? Is it Jess? Did she... is she gone?'

"I came on here to give you all a quick update. This is probably the last time you'll see me for a while.

Jess was rushed to the hospital on Friday night. She had a bit of a stroke and her heart stopped. She's okay, relatively speaking but we found out that Jess is dying. Actively. There are  lesions on her brain, and she's losing the ability to speak." My voice cracked.

"We're bringing her home on Thursday or Friday, because Jess told us she doesn't want to die in a hospital. Her doctors say it could be a couple more months, but we really don't know.

We'll keep her comfortable, as comfortable as we can.

So, that's where we're at. I want to thank you all for your support these past few months and I know you'll keep us in your thoughts as we navigate this terrible time.  Remember how dope you all are."

I signed off, catching a glimpse of the comments. The fans were devastated for us. The comments were full of support and prayers.

I turned off the computer and called my parents.

"Hi Dad," I said when he answered.

"I have a feeling I know why you're calling, son," my dad said. "I can hear it in your voice."

"How bad is it, Brendon?" My mom asked, having picked up the extension.

"It's bad. She's dying. Doc says we might have a couple of months. She's losing the ability to speak. She has lesions on her brain.

We're bringing her home on Thursday. Maybe Friday. Doc will check in here at home and we're hiring nurses. She'll come home to die," I started crying.

"Oh Brendon," my mom said.

"Can we come out this weekend?" My dad asked. "We'll stay a few days if that's okay."

"I think Jess will love seeing her PopPop and Granny. And she'll still be able to recognize you."

We made arrangements and I hung up. I had texts from all the guys offering help and visits and the like.

I couldn't face any more, but I couldn't turn my phone off in case Sarah needed me.  I went upstairs to bed, stopping in Jess's room. I went in and sat on her bed.

Looking around the room I remember the day we adopted her. She was so happy, but so reserved. She had never asked for much. She was always happy with what she had. When she was given something, she was so polite and thankful.

I looked at the guitar in the corner of her room. She had learned quite a bit with me as her teacher. She could play a good number of songs and sometimes just plucked notes.

On a shelf just above her desk were the two sets of drumsticks Josh had given her. She hadn't quite mastered the drums. But she had fun when Josh would come over and teach her.

The day we'd brought Jess home, the room had no real personality. It was just a room with a little furniture. Now, it was Jess's room. Her personality was all over it. Mr. Bunny was on her bed. Darren's drawing was over it. There were posters and some clothes lying around. Jess's books on the shelves. The stickers on her computer.

I picked up Mr. Bunny and held him and cried. Bogart hopped up on the bed and whined. I gave him pats.

"She'll be home in a couple of days buddy," I said. "She's coming home to die."

After I'd had a good cry, I left the room and went to my room. I lay on the bed with my phone plugged in, and tried to fall asleep.

Thoughts kept running through my head. Jess on her first tour. The look on her face when I surprised her and picked her up from school when I was supposed to be in Vancouver.

The look on her face when I came home a week later after the fiasco with the other bus accident.

How excited she was about her trip to Europe and how animated she was when she told me about their adventures.

How great she was on the baseball diamond. How baseball was her biggest passion after reading. Watching her watch Dodgers games on TV. And when I'd taken her to a couple of games at Dodger Stadium.

How she seemed to always have a smile on her face.

I must have fallen asleep because the ringing of my phone woke me up and it was still dark. I looked at the time. 5:34 am. The call was from Sarah. My heart sank.

"Sar?"I answered, dreading her words.

"Bren," she said, her voice thick with tears. "Can you come back to the hospital, please?"

"Of course. What's wrong? What happened?"

Sarah sobbed.

"Jess had a seizure. It didn't last long, but, well, I just don't want to be alone. Please come back?"

"I am. I will. I'll just let the dogs out quickly, and then I'll be right there. Do you want me to bring you anything?"

"Can you bring Mr. Bunny?"

I smiled.

"I will bring Mr. Bunny," I said.

I grabbed the toy from Jess's bed, got both dogs downstairs and outside and put food in their bowls. Once they were done their business outside, I let them back in, and closed the door.

I popped a text off to Zack to ask him to check the dogs a little later on in the day and then headed to the hospital.

I parked in the underground and stopped on the first floor to get coffee for Sarah and I.

I took the elevator up to the PICU and walked down to Jess's room.

"Sir? Visiting hours aren't until 11 am," a nurse I'd never seen said as I walked down the hall.

"I'm Jessica Urie's dad," I said.

"Oh. Okay. Sorry about that," she said.

They don't restrict the visitors for dying kids.

I walked into Jess's room. Sarah was lying on the bed beside Jess, whose eyes were closed. Sarah was running her fingers through Jess's hair and murmuring to her.

I walked up to the pair of them and kissed Jess on the forehead. She stirred a little, frowned, and settled.

"She's asleep," Sarah said. "The seizure knocked her out. The doctor on call said we could probably expect that she'll fall asleep for a while after she has a seizure."

I didn't say anything. I just nodded, looking at my daughter, looking so small. I handed Sarah her coffee and sat on Jessica's other side, and took her hand.

"Good morning my wonderful daughter," I said quietly. "I hope you're having a good sleep."

Tears formed in my eyes.

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