Almost Over (SP #1)

Kabanata 13

I KNEW that when it started, there's no turning back anymore.

Alam kong kapag nakipaglaro ako sa apoy ay tutupukin din ako nito.

I knew all of that but still, here I am laying in the arms of Tim. Our bare bodies tangled under his thick duvets.

He was still sleeping soundly beside me while I was left staring at his white ceiling.

Malamang ay sinusunog na ang kaluluwa ko sa impyerno dahil sa ginawa ko. I gave myself to someone else when I already have a husband waiting for me to come home.

Sinubukan ko na mang pigilan, sinubukan kong lumayo sa tukso pero para itong asong sunod nang sunod sa 'kin.

Kaya heto, nangyari na nga ang kinakatakutan ko.

I cheated on my husband.

"You're awake?" Tim asked groggily as his hold on me tightened. Hindi ako sumagot at nanatili lang na nakatitig sa kisame.

I didn't know how to face him, Claus, and even myself. Pakiramdam ko ang dumi-dumi kong babae.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Tim asked worriedly as he saw a teardrop fell from my eyes.

Umupo siya sa kama at akma akong hahatakin papalapit sa kanya nang umusog ako palayo. I gathered the sheet and covered my body with it.

Napaka-hipokrita ko talaga. I wanted to blame him with everything, when in fact this is also my fault. Had I not gave in to his advances he would have stopped a long time ago. Pero hinayaan kong umabot kami sa ganito.

Nakakadiri ka, Elle.

"Hey—"

"Don't!" Kitang-kita ko ang gulat sa mga mata ni Tim nang halos itulak ko siya palayo nang subukan niyang hawakan ako.

My tears were streaming down my face as I reached out for my phone and ran over to the bathroom. Tim was knocking endlessly and pleading for me to open the door but all I did was sit on the farthest corner of his bathroom, crying heavily while clutching my phone on my chest.

Sumindi bigla ang phone ko at agad kong nakita ang wallpaper.

It's me and Claus during our wedding day. Pareho kaming nakangiti sa camera habang ang mga braso niya ay nakapalibot sa baywang ko.

"I'm sorry . . . I'm sorry . . ." I keep on apologizing on his picture as if it would magically erase all of the evil things I just did.

"Elle! Open the door, please! Mag-usap naman tayo!" Tim called out while banging on the door. Hindi ko iyon pinansin at tahimik lang na hinayaan ang sariling kainin ng konsensya.

Pagkabalik ko sa opisina ay gulat na gulat pa ang secretary kong mukhang pauwi na.

"Bumalik po kayo, Ma'am? Tapos na agad date ninyo ni Sir Claus?" tanong niya na nagpakunot ng noo ko.

"What do you mean?" kinakabahan kong tanong sa kanya. I even retrieved my phone to check for any messages from my husband pero wala naman. I once again looked up to her with questioning eyes.

"Pumunta po siya kanina dito pero kakaalis niyo lang po. Sabi niya yayayain ka sana niyang mag-date. I told him po na kakaalis niyo lang kaya sinundan niya rin kayo agad." Agad akong namutla habang pinapakinggan ang paliwanag ng sekretarya.

Nagmamadali akong naglakad pabalik sa may elevator habang dina-dial ang number ng asawa ko. Hindi na ako mapakali habang nasa loob ng elevator.

Claus is not answering.

If he really went after me, he might have seen me meeting up with Tim earlier!

Nanginginig ang mga kamay ko habang pilit na pinagkakasya ang susi ng sasakyan.