Almost Over (SP #1)

Kabanata 23

"CLAUS!" masigla kong tawag sa kanya nang makalabas siya ng kwarto niya habang inaayos ang butones ng itim na dress shirt.

Sandali niya lang akong tinapunan ng tingin bago walang sali-salitang dumiretso palabas ng bahay katulad nang lagi niyang ginagawa nitong nakaraang mga linggo. A deep sigh left my lips as I stared down at the breakfast I made for him.

I know this is nothing compared to the food he prepares for me everyday back then, but still, the Claus back then would really appreciate it. Pinilit kong ngumiti bago marahang hinaplos ang tiyan ko na nag-uumpisa nang umumbok.

Wala man akong ganang kumain, I forced myself to do so. I can't afford to lose our baby too.

Nakakailang subo pa lang ako ay naramdaman ko na agad ang pagbaliktad ng sikmura ko dahil sa amoy ng cheese mula sa omelet. Nagmamadali akong tumakbo papuntang lababo at maluha-luha habang hindi matapos-tapos ang pagduduwal ko. Pakiramdam ko ay hinahalukay ang tiyan ko at ramdam ko rin ang biglaang pagsakit ng ulo ko.

Mabilis akong napalingon nang makaramdam ng mga kamay na marahang tinatapik ang likuran ko. My eyes watered as soon as I saw my husband looking back at me with a tired expression. He sighed before turning around to retrieved a glass of warm water before he turn to me once again and helped me drink from it.

I felt his arm gently went around my waist as he guided me to a chair nearby.

"You already know that this made you nauseous, why do you still keep it around?" sermon niya kasabay nang paglalayo niya sa 'kin ng omelet.

"That's your favorite . . ." sagot ko sa mahinang boses habang nakatitig pa rin sa kanya.

He knew.

He was still watching me.

Agad kong naramdaman ang paggaan ng dibdib ko habang iniisip na kahit wala siyang maalala tungkol saming dalawa, he still can't stop himself from caring.

I watched him took the plate with the omelet and walked towards the trash bin to throw it. I immediately stood up and walked up behind him and hugged him from the back after he threw the food on the bin.

"Stay with me, Claus. Please . . . Please stay with us . . ." pakiusap ko kasabay nang paghigpit ng yakap ko sa kanya.

Narinig ko ang pagtunog ng pinggan nang ilagay niya iyon sa lababo bago niya dahan-dahang inalis ang mga braso ko sa baywang niya at umikot paharap sa 'kin. Mabilis ko ring ibinalik ang mga braso ko sa baywang niya at muli siyang niyakap.

Isinubsob ko ang mukha ko sa may dibdib niya. I immediately felt relaxed and the nauseousness I felt earlier immediately dissipated as soon as I inhaled his familiar scent.

Nang maramdaman ko ang marahan niyang paghaplos sa likuran ko ay parang tinulak palabas ang mga luha ko and I ended up crying on his chest.

"Please . . . Please, stay with us, Claus. I love you . . . I really love you . . ." hagulgol ko kasabay nang paghigpit ng yakap ko sa kanya.

"I'm sorry for everything . . . Please don't leave me," pakiusap ko bago tuluyang nandilim ang paningin ko.

"Kuya! You're just putting her and the child in danger! Stop playing with her feelings!" dahan-dahan kong idinilat ang mga mata ko. Everything around me was white and I can smell the faint scent of disinfectant in the air.

"If you can remember her—"

"I don't. Hindi ko maalala, Claire! Hindi ko maalala kaya hindi ko rin maintindihan kung bakit sobra akong naguguluhan!" Mabilis na lumipad ang tingin ko sa magkapatid na nagtatalo sa isang sulok ng hospital room.

"I heard she cheated on me? She even had a sex tape with her ex while we were married! She made a fool out of me, Claire! Pero hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit hindi ko siya matiis! I wanted her gone from my life but the thought of her leaving me drives me mad!"

My eyes watered while my heart felt conflicted between being flattered and hurt.

I felt flattered that my husband, with or without memories can't stand me leaving, but I also felt hurt and guilty because this is the first time I heard him say something about what I did before.

Claus had always, always insisted that everything's okay. Na kahit alam niyang niloloko ko siya noon ay wala lang sa kanya as long as sa kanya ako umuuwi.

He was willing to hide the pain he was feeling just to have me around. He didn't care about the rumors when the trial started. But now that his memories were gone and all that I can hold unto was his love for me, he started to question everything.

"I don't understand how I was able to stand living with a woman who was in love with someone else, Claire," rinig kong dagdag niya. I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep as I listened to their conversation.

My tears were silently falling out of my closed eyes but my heart was crying outloud for all the pain I've given to him.

"I didn't understand that before too, Kuya. I forced you to leave her before. But you were so adamant on staying with her. Bakit? Kasi mahal mo siya. That's what you told me. You were willing to stay blind from everything she did because you love her. So damn much, Kuya."

"Ngayon ko lang iyon naintindihan . . ." dagdag ni Claire sa basag na boses.

"Kuya, ngayon ka pa ba susuko? Everything's almost over. Kaonting tiis na lang. Elle's already in love with you. She would never leave you now. She can't even live without you now, I think. And you'll be having a family already."

"Hindi ko alam, Claire . . ." Mariin kong naipikit ang mga mata ko nang marinig ko ang tono ng boses niya.

I'm giving my husband a hard time once again.

Palagi na lang.

"Ikaw na rin ang nagsabi, even the thought of her leaving drives you mad. Wasn't that enough reason for you to try again and see for yourself how and why you always ends up loving her all the time?"

Please, Claus. Let'sget over this together.