The Hostage (Brittana)

14

Brittany's POV
I look at the girl sitting beside me, and I feel so confused about this whole thing. Me and love don't associate with each other. I acknowledge it's existence, but I don't believe it, or even try to make it happen. But now it's happening, really fast, with the wrong person. Or maybe it's the right person, wrong time. Something like that.

Brittany S. Pierce doesn't get confused, or finds things difficult. I look at the problem, work out a solution, then follow through with it. But I have literally no experience with love, so I can't do my usual plan. I could ask someone for advice, but who? Quinn is out the picture, her and Rachel are totally their own thing. Mercedes maybe, but then the whole gang would hear about me and Santana. Same if I was to ask Kurt. Sam is a good option.

Why do I keep looking for people to talk to? Every time I do that, I just end up more stuck than before. I'll just think it through, and actually talk to Santana. If I'm honest, and hopefully she will be too, we can get through this without anybody getting hurt, or upset. I've cut myself off from people before, and I can do it again.

But part of me doesn't want to cut her off. There's a small part of me that actually wants her. To be her girlfriend, take her on small but romantic dates, buy her random anniversary presents. We can make memories, take pictures, go to restaurants we find on the back streets of Lima. You know, have a normal relationship. We could even get a cat.

What am I thinking? I'm pretty sure I'm allergic to cats. And I don't need a relationship right now. I'm too busy with work, and making sure that everyone else is okay. Because Quinn won't be this stable for much longer, and Mercedes and Sam are working out how to go from friends to partners, and Mike and Tina are on another break in their endless relationship, and Kurt and Blaine are sickening us all with their constant affection.

To sum it up, there's enough confused love in this apartment. And I'm holding it all together, at the top, by myself. And anyone else would just get in the way, especially Santana. She's so loud, and argumentative, and violent. But, she's Santana. And I guess I like those things about her. For some reason.

Oh god. I'm actually in love with her. I like her bad qualities, and even I know that means that you more than like someone. I know I told her that I more than likes her, but love is different. But now I need to figure out if I put love first, or my whole career. Because if I start to date her, then I will have less time to work. And it's not just me, if the gang falls apart then I'll be taking away the one family we all have.

I wonder what Santana is thinking. She said that she feels the same way as me, but I'm not sure how I feel. Right now she's sitting beside me on the bed, fidgeting with her fingers and staring off into space. She's been through a lot, and I don't want to hurt her more. But I need to save myself, and if I do that then I'm saving the gang and this messed up, loving family. She finally breaks the silence.

S-"Guess what!"
B-"What?"
S-"I think that Sam and Mercedes are going to date!"
B-"Weren't they already going out?"
S-"It was unofficial, and they're both scared to ask each other if it meant more. It's too cute."
B-"I guess."

S-"It's funny how we can just be honest about our feelings towards each other, because we don't really know each other that well."
B-"Yeah, it's kind of good."
S-"It's weird though. I'm not used to having crushes, usually girls have crushes on me. And guys, but I shut them down pretty quick."
B-"I never go out anywhere, so it never really happens."

S-"So you actually never go out? When was the last time you went to a nightclub, and actually partied."
B-"Never done it. Quinn gets to go do that part, I stay in the car and prepare our plan."
S-"You never do anything fun."
B-"It doesn't matter. I'm rich, and I would rather work."
S-"You're actually so weird."
B-"I don't really care."