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chapter 17

Disappointments close your eyes, and it gets colder and colder ~TS, coney island

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Today is not my day. I look like crap. I snap my car mirror shut and rub my eyes. They're swollen from all the crying I did yesterday afternoon and last night. I really tried not to cry before going to sleep because I know my eyes would be puffy today, but I couldn't help it. My father's words from yesterday are on an endless loop in my mind. 

I thought you'd be fixed by now. 

I shake my head, trying to stop myself from ruining my day by fixating on his words. I walk into school and head to my locker, deciding I'll just have to ignore the heaviness of my father's words weighing on me, no matter how hard I try to rid myself of the whole conversation. 

I get to my locker and find that I'm here before Millie. I think I'll just head to chemistry early. I'm not really in the mood to talk with everybody right now. I grab my books and start walking slowly down the hall towards the courtyard. 

I mean what kind of person says shit like that? I have a low opinion of my dad, but I didn't know he could be this apathetic. I'm already trying my hardest to get back to normal, but it's hard. It's really hard. And I feel like no one will ever understand that. Not my family, or my best friends, or my dad. 

I hate feeling alone. And having no one to empathize with all the emotions and challenges that comes with trying to overcome what happened, it's a pretty lonely feeling. And my dad criticizing me for not "fixing" myself in his opinion of an appropriate time frame just makes th-

"James."

A nudge in my side snaps me out of my thoughts and I realize that Luke's been trying to get my attention. I fall into step beside him as I mumble an apology for ignoring him for however long I did, hopefully not embarrassingly long. 

"Are you coming tonight?"

"To?"

"Our game... I'm a little hurt you haven't been counting down the days until you get to see me play again." He gives me his signature smirk. 

I'm too drained to roll my eyes or say something sarcastic. "Yeah, I'll be there." I say. 

Luke's face turns slightly concerned, but he doesn't ask me about why I'm being weird. I don't know if I could answer him. 

"Well I told Noah we'd have a one on one pool match since he claims Max and I cheated by using you yesterday, so you're coming with us to Ajax after the game. I'm not letting you back out." 

"Well Noah sucks at pool, so I'll go just to watch you kick his ass." I give a small smile. 

Luke's face relaxes and he grins back at me. I guess my joke and smile reassured him that I'm fine. Or maybe he's just returning the smile I gave. Either way, he has a contagious smile. I look down and bite my lip to stop my smile from spreading. 

I ignore the way my day brightened after spending my morning class with Luke. He even got me to laugh once, even though I got the evil eye from our chem teacher. I have a feeling Luke knew I was upset about something and he may have been attempting to cheer me up. 

The rest of the school day went by relatively fast. The guys went straight to warm ups after school to get ready for the game. I'm going to try to depuff my eyes before I pick up Millie for the game. She could tell something was wrong today, so I told her what happened with my dad at lunch. I can't get anything past Millie. And she was not happy.