dursley [h. g.]

••dursley•• || hermione, you done screwed up

Hermione thought a lot. About many things, but mostly Kendra. She had spent a hundred nights crying for the blonde- hoping she would recover, praying for her return, that she would be okay. And when she did come home, when Hermione ran to her side and held onto her hand like the world depended on it, she could see the pain in Kendra's eyes, no matter what her words said. She could see the way Kendra flinched when she looked at her arm, the way she avoided saying anything about what had happened other than the bare minimum. It was knife in Hermione's heart as she watched someone that she loved so much it made her sick, sit in pained silence and muffle any cries for help.

She didn't know what to do. She didn't know how to help Kendra, how to fix the problem. She felt useless, and guilty, and sick from worry, and eternally angry at herself. Hermione Granger had never come across a problem too tricky to solve, to tough that no good sit down with a book and a piece of paper to write ideas out on couldn't solve. But there was no book on 'How to Stop your Wizard Girlfriend from Blaming Herself after Being Kidnapped in an Attempt to Kill her Cousin'. If it did exist, it probably wouldn't help her.

And without her books and cleverness, who was Hermione Granger?

She was an idiot, Hermione decided as she finished patrolling the corridors and joined her friends again, timing out Harry's rant about Draco Malloy joining the Death Eaters- as if that coward had the gumption to join.

Hermione Granger was an idiot who had told her girlfriend- ex-girlfriend- that time apart would make it easier to heal. At first, she had believed it. Nearly every time Hermione spoke to Kendra, she seemed to only cause her more pain. And as much as Hermione desperately, cluelessly, wanted to reach a hand out to Kendra, she had become scared that she would make it worse.

It had taken approximately an hour of 'break' for Hermione to realize that whatever twisted, evil logic she had used was wrong, stupid, and that she had probably just impaled both herself and Kendra on a double edged sword. Hermione felt selfish, and like the world's biggest idiot.

She wished she still had a time turner. Or that she could run back to Kendra and plead on her knees to let her apologize at the very least. Or that she could blink and that it would have just been a dream. She wished she had a good excuse for why she had done it, even though she was sure that there wasn't one. She wanted to cry and throw up and take back what she said and curse her stupid brain for convincing her that she was doing the right thing.

She had thought a lot about what she wanted to say in that moment, though she had only been planning on doing it for a few days. She had thought too much. And she had been so afraid of hurting Kendra that she had accidentally ripped Kendra's heart straight out of her chest stomped on it, cooked it and ate it right in front of her. And in the moment, she had thought that she had been setting Kendra free from pain. Didn't they always say, if you love her let her go? Hermione hated whoever said that almost as much as she hated herself right now.

She couldn't bare to face Kendra right now. Not that it mattered, because she was sure that Kendra's friends wouldn't allow it. If Hermione was still one of Kendra's friends, she wouldn't allow it either. But still, along with the mix of all of her guilt and nausea and fear and regret and anger and frustration, determination stewed.

Hermione fucked up. Big time. And now, she was determined to never to it again. And maybe, in the meantime, she could prove to Kendra that she was a complete knucklehead who had learned her lesson. And maybe, if she was lucky, she might earn herself up to have a second chance.

Although after what she had done, it would take more than a vase of flowers.

a/n: okay I know it's a little short but after the last chapter I wanted to explain why exactly Hermione justified it and I want to say DO NOT BE A HERMIONE IN THIS SITUATION ITS BAD. I didn't want it to seem like hermione was like ew u have trauma lol bye but yea feel free to be mad at hermione and in the meantime, hermione is going to take her mistake (which was pretty fucking awful on god they both need therapy) and grow into a better person, and a suitable suitor if you will.

anyways here's a rant feel free to skip to the meme: I feel very strongly that if you're not mentally stable enough for yourself then you shouldn't try and be in a relationship, though that's my life perspective and I'm not going to tell anyone off for trying. Kendra and Hermione's relationship suffered because neither of them were in a good place mentally, and neither of them were talking or listening. It left both of them to their own thoughts which after you've gone through something traumatic (yes I'm classifying worrying for ur kidnapped gf as traumatic) is dangerous and it led hermione to the same place where she could rationalize that breaking up w Kendra was a good idea. Was it the right move? not the way that she did it.

but now we can all be excited for this romance novel drama to replace the lavender brown debacle. though she might still have something to do with it ;)

ok now a meme sorry for my rant

fuck the months it's still pride in this house