dursley [h. g.]

••dursley•• || regret

Kendra didn't quite know why, but she felt guilty as she returned to the castle. She couldn't help but drag her feet as she climbed the stairs and flopped down into bed. Lisa stared at her for a moment before she sat down on her own bed. 

"Kendra?" Lisa asked. Kendra hummed in response. "Are you good?" Kendra hummed again, and after a few minutes of sitting in silence, Lisa stood again and mentioned something about checking on Mabel. 

Kendra stayed motionless on the bed, regret festering in her heart. Sure, it wasn't like the kiss with Pansy Parkinson was bad, and it wasn't like the Slytherin was unattractive. Kendra could have lied to herself and said that it was Pansy's words after the kiss that had soured her memory. She looked down at the word scarred into her arm, her finger tugging at her cardigan to reveal the raised white lines. They had finally scarred over, and Kendra was glad that she no longer had a glimpse into her inner layers of tissue. But the deep scars still reminded her that the word would never go away, if it would even fade. 

She pulled in a shivering breath and let her sweater drop. The scar still unnerved her and the word itself could still pull her back into the basement with Bellatrix hovering over her. But that hadn't happened with Pansy. She was more upset than disappointed in Pansy than upset. The gnawing feeling in her chest still remained, and Kendra had to accept that it wasn't because of the Slytherin girl.

If there were infinite universes and a new one sprung up everytime a choice was made, there was one where it had been Hermione whom Kendra had kissed that day.

The ache in her chest intensified. 

She screwed her eyes shut, trying to banish the thoughts from her head; she was too tired to think about it. She buried her face into the pillows and prayed that sleep would come to her. 

'I could help, if you like?' Morgana asked, far too excited for something as uneventful as putting Kendra to sleep. 

'It's fine,' Kendra brushed Morgana off, who wilted. Kendra noticed this immediately. 'What's wrong?'

'Well, if you must know, I'm rather bored,' Morgana admitted. 'Now that you and that lover of your's are fighting and there's no secret clubs going on- not to mention that I haven't been out in ages and quite frankly, I would love to just stretch my legs, perhaps blast a few choice persons into dust.'

Kendra rolled her eyes at Morgana's statement. 'Do you not remember what happened the last time something "exciting" happened?' 

Kendra hadn't forgotten, and her neck twitched violently- an anxiety tic she had developed in captivity. Laughter that wasn't there rang through her ears and a phantom burn itched into her scarred arm.

'I did tell you I was sorry, you know,' Morgana sniffed. 'I thought you said something about putting the past aside and focusing on what could be instead of what was, anyways.'

'I hate you sometimes,' Kendra sighed. Even the brief flashback had shaken her throughly, and she wished she had someone to hold her. And for what seemed like the hundredth time, Kendra missed Hermione.

'You are aware that I can hear all of your thoughts, correct?' Morgana asked, slightly amused. Kendra shoved her face into a pillow, as though the witch's voice would be muffled by it. Of course, it didn't work. 'Darling, all you have to do is say the words to her and she'll be back by your side again. You know that.'

'I don't know if I'm ready to forgive her,' Kendra argued. Hermione had broken the fragile agreement that was Kendra's trust, and it would take more than wanting to be held for the hurt part of her to be healed. Sure, the fault was not entirely Hermione's- Kendra had not been a pleasant person to be around when she had first been rescued. She was either silent, snappy, or overly paranoid and clingy. Kendra could admit that all of these must have made it difficult to live around her. But they were not things that she was capable of controlling after she had gone through a trauma. And for Hermione to add onto it by leaving her alone in the deep end was too much. 'I don't want to be hurt again.'

'Naturally,' Morgana agreed. 'However, that girl has changed since she left you. And of course, I would never tell you how to think, my dear, as that is quite entirely up to you, but it would seem as though you miss her. And by her dreams, it would seem as though she needs you too.'

Leave it to Morgana to try and get Kendra and Hermione back together again. 

The witch had a point, though. Kendra bit her lip slightly, genuinely considering Morgana's words all of a sudden. She had changed even when she had tried to apologize to Kendra in the hospital wing. Kendra realized she had too. The war seemed far more real to her now, knowing that there were lives on the line should she not play her part correctly. And it was not the time to push the people she loved away from her. Maybe it was just the right set of circumstances to give Hermione a second chance.

Perhaps the kiss with Pansy had done more than fill her with regret. It had made Kendra realize how much she missed Hermione, and that she had already subconsciously forgiven the Gryffindor- or at least forgiven her enough that she ached for Hermione again. Maybe it was wrong to go back, but if Morgana was telling the truth, then Hermione had changed for the better.

Perhaps it was time that Kendra actually let her apologize. And Kendra was ready to give her another try. 

a/n: i was gonna go another place with this one but boy oh boy am i in the mood for love (aka i met someone yesterday and we are going to go get boba sometime soon so um get ready for me to project all of my gay shit onto here because she is wifey material istg)

pls ignore all of that i am acting like a middle schooler in a relationship for the first time- anyways let me know your thoughts, ideas, albus dumbledore slander, things you think should happen, funniest jokes, isk anything your comments make me laugh so hard.

finally meme time i need to shut up omg i sound crazy

because we all know that cedric was our bicon harry's first gay crush <3