Karsyn Sekai Miller
"Everything come back around full circle. Why do lies sound pleasant, but the truth hurtful? Everybody gotta cry once in a while. But how long will it take 'fore you smile? This is that come back to life shit." - J. Cole
"Karsyn, you know I love you like a daughter and I've always had even when you and my son were not on good terms." Dimitri's mama sat across from me, squeezing my hand with a look of empathy written on her face .
I was wondering where she was going with this but before I jumped the gun, I continued to listen. Using her free hand, she grabbed her phone and scrolled a little bit before sitting it on the table in front of me.
I shook my head, letting an angry chuckle escape my lips. "No way. No fucking way."
"Karsyn, I am so sorry. I had no idea."
I snatched my hand away, I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream but I couldn't. I tried to speak but every drop of saliva that coated my mouth was dried out.
"I know exactly what you're going through. Dimitri's father had a baby on me and it was the worst day of my life. I had to look at that baby everyday knowing that my husband had stepped out on me. I wanted to kill everybody but I didn't. Instead, I walked away gracefully because I couldn't continue to walk around with that hate in my heart. With that being said, don't hate my son, please don't walk around with that chip on your shoulder for the rest of your life. It's not worth it. You're a beautiful girl, move on with your life. Don't let Dimitri's mistakes haunt you from the grave."
The pain that I felt in my chest was like none other, I thought that Dimitri's death hit me hard but knowing that I'd gotten rid of my baby while he already had one on the way was a different type of hurt.
Without a word, I left her house and her life for good.
I had multiple things that I needed to do but instead of doing anything, I went home. The uneasy feeling in my stomach caused me to come to an abrupt stop in the middle of the road. Swinging my door open, everything that I'd had for brunch was now splattered on Calhoun Street.
"Ma'am? Are you okay? Would you like for me to call someone?" An older lady approached me.
I managed to tell her no while continuing to dry heave with my tongue hanging out of my mouth like a dog.
"Well, at least move your car out of the way. You're lucky no one hit you." She grabbed a bottle of water from another lady that walked up. "Here, take this... are you sure you don't want me to call anyone?"
I told her yes while thanking her for the water. I assured her multiple times that I was fine before she finally allowed me to drive away.
When I was home, I was sure I'd break down but surprisingly I didn't. I was damn near done with the bottle of Forbidden Kisses and the perfectly rolled Dutch rested between my fingers as I alternated between hitting the blunt and sipping the wine. I laughed to myself while listening to Khia's "Don't Trust No Niggas." Of course, I was in my feelings but that was to be expected. The only thing I wasn't going to do was dwell on this for too long, what happened, happened so I'd just have to take my L and move on.
Finally checking my phone after hours of it being on do not disturb. There were a few messages from Kristian, Genesis, Onyx and Ryder. I didn't get a chance to check all of them due to a knock on my door. I paused the music and put the blunt out before making my way to the door.
After looking through the peephole and seeing Ryder, I opened it. He took one look at me and held his arms out.
"Hold on, let me wash my hands."
