Karsyn Sekai Miller
"I know I ain't been the easiest to deal with as of late. Twenty-two, with a lot on my plate." - Brent Faiyaz
I stood face to face with Dimitri, whose face held a wide smile, while tears poured from my eyes like a running faucet. But I was confused, I was supposed to be happy, he was back. So why the fuck was I crying?
"Why are you always crying? I told you about that shit." He chastised.
I reached out to grab his arm to see if the tattoo of my name was there to make sure I wasn't tripping but my hand went right through his body.
"You gotta get it together 'Syn, you out here looking real bad." He said, just as bluntly as I remembered him to be. "Go out and live ya life, stop letting shit plague ya mind and cloud your judgement. I just want you to be happy ma, that's all I've ever wanted"
" I love you Dimitri."
He smirked, showing his dimples, my favorite thing about him. " I love you too 'Syn. Forever."
Jumping from my sleep, I touched my wet face, the tears in my dream were very real. Checking the time, I laid back down. For the past week I'd isolated myself from everyone. After attempting to get my shit together, I was informed that Kristian had been racked up some additional charges and his upcoming parole hearing was now in jeopardy, so that sent me ten steps back because I really wanted my brother home. After the dream I had just had, I couldn't help but to think that it was some type of closure or confirmation for me to move the fuck on and focus on me.
I'd fallen asleep while working on my portfolio and trying to do some class work, it was going on one am and I had no plans on going back to sleep. Rolling out of the bed, I closed my laptop and sat it on the dresser before doing the same with the pile of papers.
After using the bathroom and taking care of my hygiene, I got dressed in a pair of NIKE spandex and a matching sports bra before throwing on some sweatpants and my high school hoodie, on my feet were a pair of CROCS. I tossed a few items in my duffle bag and turned off everything in my room before heading to the kitchen. After grabbing a bottle of water, I snatched up my keys and left.
It took less than thirty minutes for me to reach my destination. Karter and Kristian would kill me if they knew that I was here at this time of night. Unlocking the door to the abandoned looking building, I silenced the alarm before locking the door behind me. I turned on the lights and took my speaker and IPad out of my bag. I undressed and started to stretch, once my body felt loose enough, I pressed play. Just for fun, I decided to record myself.
As Miguel's "Vixen" came on, I gripped the pole and allowed my body to do the rest. Dancing was once one of my many forms of therapy that had been pushed to the side. I would like to say that I had mastered multiple styles of dancing but pole dancing was my favorite.
My movements matched the music and for the first time this week, I was free from all of the bullshit. I was in the zone. But for the first time in months, I felt like me again.
Later that day, I was cuddled up in the middle of my bed, some movie was playing on TV but instead of me watching it, it was watching me scroll through my phone. Sore as hell, I had no intentions on doing anything today. I heard my front door open and shut. Knowing that it wasn't anybody but Genesis, I closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep. As she called my name, I ignored her.
"I'm going to take a quick nap on the couch before my next client." She whispered, believing that I was asleep.
Relieved that she wasn't here to drag me out of the house, I opened my eyes.
