Harry, Harry, Harry... Louis

Chapter 17

I usually bring my journal when I go to my secret spot, but I obviously did not have it with me today, given the circumstances that brought me here. I lay in the warm grass and bathe in the sun for what feels like hours.

I needed to be alone to let my mind run freely and to understand what is it that I'm feeling.

Am I mad at Louis? Very.

Because he may have had sex with Agathe, which shouldn't really matter because I have Jeanne. But it still matters. It matters so fucking much and I don't know why.

What's stupid is that it's not even the fact that he's with Agathe that bothers me.

It's the fact that it looks genuine. Like he's actually into her. Last night at the bar he looked like he didn't care at all about her, like he was just with her to get to me. But this morning was different...

The image of him smiling at her is imprinted in my head. I can't get rid of it.

The worst part of it all is that the first thing I thought of when I saw him this morning with her is how beautiful he looks when he's smiling.

I think I'm more disappointed in myself if I'm being honest. Louis has been cryptic as fuck with me since the beginning and I still chose to let myself get more and more interested in him.

One day he's rubbing circles with his thumb on my skin, the other he's ignoring me, then the next he's sensually kissing a girl while locking eyes with me, then he seems genuinely into the said girl.

I don't understand the guy, nor any of his mixed signals.

But now it's all over. I'm not talking to him anymore. I'll go back to ignoring him and pretending he doesn't exist. It's better that way.

I'll leave him and Agathe alone.

I take a deep breath and remain with my eyes closed on the hill. The lavender smell keeps me calm although the million thoughts summersaulting in my mind.

...

I breathe in a strand of grass through my nostrils, which makes my eyes shoot open. It takes me a couple of seconds to adjust to my surroundings.

Purple flowers. Lavenders. Lavender fields. My secret spot.

The sun is setting in front of me. I look down at my watch.

It's 8:30 pm

Did I spend the whole day sleeping here?

I quickly push myself up and start running up and down the hill to reach my bike, laying on the side of the road. I hope on it and head home as fast as I can.

...

As I make my way through the kitchen, I run into my mom.

"Mais where were you today? I called Jeanne and she said that you weren't with her. J'étais tellement inquiète mon chéri!" she yells at me.

"Je suis désolé Maman. I was just..." I scratch the back of my neck. No one knows about my secret spot and I want to keep it that way. "Riding my bike. I was in the village. And I fell asleep in a parc. I had no idea how much time had passed. I'm sorry Maman."

"It's okay mon amour, I was just un petit peu concerned." She reaches out for my shoulder and squeezes it gently. "We were about to eat dinner; do you want to join us?" I tense a little.

"Who is going to be there?" I ask, trying my best to act casual and not like I'm just asking to check if Louis will be there.

"Louis won't be with us, if that's what you're asking." I sigh in relief. "He's in his room actually. He was acting... different today." I look at her, surprised.

"What do you mean by different?"

"He just sat all day in the living room. He was there from about 1:30 to 6. He sat there doing nothing, with his leg frantically bouncing, as if he were waiting for something to happen. He eventually left and said that he was going to sleep in his room."

A heavy ball starts forming itself in my stomach. I feel so guilty. I should've given him a heads up, but I was too angry to care this morning. Now I just feel like shit.

Maybe ignoring will be harder this time.

"Oh" I manage to say. "Weird."

"I won't be joining you guys for dinner, I'm really tired from all that biking I did today." I lie.

I've been doing too much lying this summer. I gotta work on that.

"Okay my darling, have some good rest then." She brings my head close to hers and kisses me on the forehead.

"Merci, je t'aime Maman." I answer with a smile.

...

As I walk into my room, I jump and let out a small scream in shock. Louis is there, sitting in my bed, as if he were waiting for me.

Once I'm met with his eyes, I see that they're filled with concern.

"Where were you today? Are you okay" What happened?" He questions, while bringing him hands to my arms, which I immediately yank them away from him.

I might have felt bad for him downstairs, but now I remember why I wanted to distance myself from him in the first place.

"You don't get to ask me those questions!" I answer, louder than I anticipated.

He stands up and backs away from me. "I just wanted to know why you weren't there today, for our... meeting" He puts his hands up in surrender. His voice is soft. He thinks he scared me by touching me.

"I don't want to do them anymore. Maybe you could ask Agathe to teach you all about art history." I say, face serious.

"What does Agathe have to do with this?" He asks, genuinely clueless of why I'm acting this way.

"It has everything to do with Agathe! Don't you understand?" I'm screaming now.

"No I don't! I don't know what I need to do or say so that you can stop being mad at me. Hell, I don't even know what I did wrong!"

I put my hands in my hair and sit down on my bed.

"I saw you this morning with her." I say, not louder than a whisper.

"Oh." He sits down next to me. "Well you were with Jeanne, so why does it matter?"

"It doesn't!" I put my hands on my lap, fiddling with my fingers. "I don't know."

"You don't seem to know a lot, don't you?"

"No, I don't." I let out a shaky laugh. "I know nothing Louis."

I stand up and walk to my door.

"That's not completely true." I say walking out of my room. "I know that for now, I need to keep my distance from you."

I don't let him say anything before I'm already out the door and heading God knows where.

VIRTUAL HUGS AND KISSES BESTIES<3333