Libido.

🌸C H A P T E R 20

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I woke up to the sound of the busy street below. I reached out to my love, only to find the other side of the bed cold and empty. I frowned and rolled to the side of the bed. My phone lit up, my instincts told me to pick it up and see what's made it go off. 

"Hmm. It looks like an email. From the Dean's office...?"

Dear Mr. Adam Banks, 

We regret to inform you that your football scholarship for the 2017-2018 year has been revoked. You have two options for the next semester, you can either pay your remaining balance of $25,000 in full or you can withdraw for the remaining semester. You have until February 1st, 2018  to make your final decision with your advisor or you will no longer be able to attend your classes or step foot in our residence hall until the balance is paid off. 

Best regards,

Dr. James Cromwell

Dean of Students

I reread the words on the email over and over again. "No no no no....." I said repetitively. How did they manage to revoke ALL of my scholarships? How did this happen? There's gotta be something else. How is this even possible....

Weeks away from Christmas break? How am I gonna explain this to Ezra? How am I going to pack my whole life into my car? Who knows where I am going to go? I'll be dammed if I have to go back home. I don't want to EVER go back to that literal hell on earth. I can't go back, I refuse to go back...

My mind starts to race a mile a minute, my breath starts to pick up to where I am hyperventilating horribly. I start to gasp for a breath as my chest starts to harden, I feel in the pit of my stomach that I am going to vomit. 

I stagger to my feet and find my phone on the floor, my eyes feel shaky and I swear I can feel my heart beat in the back of my head. 

It's all coming back again.

I cannot afford this city. New York City to be exact. Going back home was something I was never in a million years ever going to consider again. College was supposed to be my big start to everyday life! I would go here, get my schooling finished out, and go into the NFL and live the bachelor life....my world has come to a screeching halt. 

Then I thought about it.

The last time I had a horrible panic attack was when I was little...

My childhood trauma nearly sent me over the edge a few times with my fits of terror and uncontrollable rage. 

There's only one person that could ever calm me down.

I'm sure his number hasn't ever changed.

I remember just like how my 16 year old self recited it any time I needed help; they were one call away. 

"Hello....Hello? Wait, Adam? Is that you?" 

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I hope Adam knows I was straight up lying when I said I had an exam today, today is a day that I planned to hang out with my friends Tally and Celina, which has been planned for weeks now. I was bound and determined to have at least ONE day by myself, without my handsome babysitter by my side. 

"Okay I am on my way girls! You guys better be ready, I am trying to kick it today!!" I squeal in the phone. 

"Don't worry about us Ezra! Celina arrived this morning from D.C. and you are the only one within the city that moves the slowest!" Tally said, laughing with all her teeth showing. 

"Girl hush! I am on my way, see?" I said, I flipped the FaceTime call around to show that I was on the subway on the way to get to them.

"Good! How did you get out of Adam's grasp today?" Celina said, popping into the call. 

"I didn't, I told him that I had a test today.." I said with a faint smile. 

"You know he's gonna have the entire armed forces looking for you in a few hours right?" Tally said. 

"Maybe so, but I assure you I am gonna put up a fight like I always do." I said with a wink. "I'm hanging up, I'm trying conserve battery. Bye bitches!"

I hang up the call and started to stare out the window. My mind couldn't help but to think about Adam, he looked so peaceful when I left this morning. I hated that I lied to him, but I knew he wouldn't want me to go, he really loves being around me. I'll make sure to make it up to him when I get back home, if you know what I mean!

The train leads into the city, where I get off and run up the stairs to the busy street. Of course the heart of New York City is busy and booming. I call out for a taxi and it stops, I get in and we ride down the street and into the busy traffic. I send a text to Adam:

Babyyy🧸❤️: Hi baby! I'm so sorry I left so early and didn't wake you, also sorry I lied! I'm hanging with Tally and Celina for the day, I knew you would not want me to be out for the whole day so I dipped lmaoooo but ill be safe I promise!! Be back later, let me know if you need anything😘

I smile before pressing send, it makes me sad not seeing him now. I'm sure he's fine, knowing him he would probably be sleeping or trying to make up all of his work. 

The taxi stops and I get out and stroll out to the main road. Tally and Celina are smiling and waving me down, I smile brightly and run up to them. 

"Hey you guys! Let's s have the greatest day ever!" I say in the most cheesy way ever.

"Okay weirdo! Let's go!" Celina says. We stroll off into the city.

🌻

"Okay Adam just breathe. It's okay. In and out, slowly." 

"I'm t-trying...I can't.." I say, trying to fight the tears threatening to stream down my face. 

"Sunflower...you're okay. Everything is okay." Adrian says calmly over the phone.

Then it hit me.

That nickname. 

That feeling. 

That name that always and forever will pull me back down to earth.

For some reason, that anger and hatred that I have pent up over the years of me being so angry at Adrian....

It all washed away. 

 "Better?" He said in his most soft and composed voice that I've missed all these years. 

"Better." I say with a small sigh. It's like he still knows me so well, like we never broke up. 

"Er, I don't believe you....let's go out." He says, I can tell he's hinting to me that he wants me to say yes. 

"Okay, where to?"