sanford x reader in a nutshell

1K 28 39
                                    

What am I writing man..

**plays montero aggressively**

Reader iz gender neutral so hhhhhhhh

somewhere in the hellhole nevada, there were three very dumb people known as hank sanford and deimos. They are idiots and literal simp magnets, they were just chilling (doing absolutely fucking nothing) until they come across some fucking grunt (yes your a grunt you can live with that). They all went some kind of power ranger mode thinking they were some kind of shit threat idk. they look at the three idiots looking like they are doing jojo poses I guess. They make it visible that they aren't a threat, the three stooges stop doing their shit poses and i guess take them to their side idfk.

A billion minutes later

They were all somewhere, all four i guess. y/n was reading something (((wtf fifty shades of nevada??)) while hank was writing stuff on something. Thinking he was funny he wrote "ass" on the thing, y/n just looks at him with the face of disappointment and what the fuck ((because what the fuckshdhdo))) sanford sits next to y/n because he finally found somebody with decency and somebody who really isn't fucking insane like most of the people in nevada. "Lmao what u readin" he said grabbing their damn book seeing its FIFTY SHADES OF NEVADA. He ya yeets that shit out the window and tiky gets hit in the head and starts fucking crying. y/n gets worried about tiky but they were told to not worry about it as the child should be fine (why is there children in nevada)

Insert a stupid amount of numbers minutes later

Sanford hasn't left y/ns side for whatever reason, deimos thought this was amogus sus sussy sus and turned to the two epic gruntzzzzz "sannnnfoooord u have a crush on y/n dont uuuuu" he said in some cheesy ass joking voice tryna annoy the buff chill grunt. He just blushes and looks around xd. y/n blushes as well (hahshshahskapskdnskksjdnfksksjdnsodjd) deimos makes kissing sounds mocking the two and then gets hit in the fucking head with a frying pan with it making the taco bell sound. This story is sponsored by gen z humor (please kill me)

He comes back from being bonked and uses 1% of his power like shaggy (im listening to a thousand years while typing this im having mixed feelings) eventually recreating god eater from friday night fucking shaggy mod hahahshkskskf. Everything being confusing for absolutely no reason, a mag agent breaks through the wall with a huge ass thing of koolaid. "OH YEAH" it yells pouring the koolaid on deimos. He fucking drowns, sugary death. Everyone (not including y/n and Sanford) being confused as hell. They walk away from whatever happened as everything made no sense at all (im writing this with no effort, this is just my brain doing its job.)

Sanford and y/n slowly walk away from that shit (not knowing hank is literally climbing on the wall like a damn spider) they hear the song sweater weather playing somewhere. Ignoring it because tricky came barging into the damn building holding tiky and hank falls from the ceiling looking like a dead turtle. "WHO HURT MY SON" tricky yells holding tiky. Sanford fucking banana splits outta there while tricky starting running on all fours like a damn cheetah. Hank begans spinning and slithering like a fucking snake bitchass 🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍

y/n looks through a window and sees agent torture sitting, listening to the song mentioned earlier while a grunt leaned on him (finally the man finds love in this world) y/n looks through another window and gets a fucking show. Thanks auditor, you burned my eyeballs.

Later hank paints something on the wall reading "haha jonathan, im in madness combat"

Sanford lives but now he's hated by tricky and his four year old son tiky. Though tiky gives the buff bitch cookies because he's a damn child












663 words waht the actual fuck did i just write 🗿🗿🗿🥄

663 words waht the actual fuck did i just write 🗿🗿🗿🥄

Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Madness Combat x reader Oneshots in a nutshell (finished xd)Where stories live. Discover now