Loving A God - LokixReader

Chapter 21

1st person POV. (Y/N)

I'm really not up for my birthday party, I'm getting ready for it in my room, where I now also sleep in, I don't sleep in Loki's room, I and Wanda moved my mattress yesterday night with the permission of Tony.
I'm doing my eye make-up (which I should have should've been done with half an hour ago) in blue colors in a match of the dark blue floor-length dress I'm wearing, it has spaghetti straps and a small black belt a little under my boobs.
"Hey, you ready?" Nat breaks into my room.
I put on a convincing smile and say, "Yeah, " I finish up my eyeliner and mascara and put on a dark nude lipstick.
"You look great, and happy birthday!" Nat exclaims giving me a gift from behind her back and she hugs me. "Come on, we've got to go join your own party." I put my first present down and with nat I leave the comfort of my room.
My hand through Nat's we make a grand entrance, down the stairs I look at the face's who are in my party, my eyes search for a certain face. This is way too many people, we should've canceled, with Loki being memory stripped and my birthday being a few weeks ago, it's not a good time to throw a party.
"What'd you want to drink?" Nat asks me when we reach the last step.
"I'll just have a," I pause to think, while still searching for Loki. "I don't know, surprise me." I finally say. Nat walks away from me to the bar to order drinks, I decide to look for Tony, there's a good chance Tony has Loki by his side.
I excuse myself through the crowd and find Tony standing by the balcony door talking to some young businessman, I look to his sides and Loki isn't on either. Where is he?
"Hey, look, here's the birthday girl." Tony grabs me by the shoulders and I'm joined in their conversation, the businessman isn't hard to look at and he has pleasant conversations. I learn that his name is Paul, a little basic and boring.
"So Tony I'm going to excuse myself but I just want to thank you for the party, it's great," I say but what I'm actually thinking is that nope it's really boring.
"Y/N, it's my pleasure to throw a party for you," Tony says and I excuse myself from them, instead, I'm going to find Nat who has my drink.
She's still at the bar with two empty drinks in front of her.
"Nat! Did you drink my drink?" I laugh when taking a seat beside her.
"I couldn't find you, " She explains herself.
"Well, I'll just have another one of whatever you ordered for me."
Nat talks to the bartender in Russian and the only thing I understand is that she mentions Tony.
"What about Tony, " I ask.
Nat mischievously smiles and tells me, "I told him to put whatever we order on Tony's tap."
"You're so good!" I laugh and we receive our drinks, they look green. "What is this?"
"It's an appletini, it's like and martini but with an apple twist," Nat explains.
There's a silence while we both take sips from our glasses, while we gulp our drink I work up the courage to ask Nat if she knows where Loki is.
"I think he's out on the balcony?" She shrugged.
"Okay, I'm going to check on him." I leave my appletini at the bar with Nat and head for the balcony. My eyes scan the terrace as soon as I see onto it, what my eyes find though doesn't please me. Loki sits on one of the outdoor loungers in a deep conversation with a woman resembling a news broadcaster I've seen on TV. And when I get closer I see it's her.
"Hey, " I smile at them.
"Hi, " Loki tries to smile at me back while the woman talks, "It's so nice to meet you, " She has stood up and is taking my hand.
"Yeah, you too." I lie, but with a smile on my face to sell it.
"So you're the Daggering Phoenix?" She asks me.
"Yep, the one and only." I pause and look at Loki remembering how he came up with my name. "I'm sorry but do you mind if I ask what your name is?"
"It's Stella Karen Caste, " She tells me like she's rehearsed it a thousand times in front of a mirror.
"That's a nice name." I compliment and Loki agrees by nodding.
"So tell me! How did you come up with your superhero name?" Stella questions me. Is she seriously asking me that? At a party, my birthday party. She sounds like she's talking in her reporter's voice and asking questions she can use later on for some article she'd cover. I'm not doing this.
"I'd rather not talk about it. But uhh- Loki can I steal you for a moment?" He looks at me surprised if only he knew our history.
"Sure." We stand up excusing ourselves away from Stella and walk away into a quiet corner.
"Loki, I know we do not know each other, or you don't know me, but that woman is not interested in anything else than a story you could bring her," I tell him, I know I can't be jealous but I can't help but feel green-eyed.
"Y/N, I don't agree with you."
"Loki, listen to me, what questions has she asked you, and when you ask her questions how does she react?" Shit, I need to get over myself, and him. I've lost him, he's not mine, never was but maybe a bit.
"Y/N, I appreciate your concern but I do not need your warnings." Loki walks away leaving me a bit mournful about our relationship, if it wasn't for Hydra wanting me we'd still be in a secret sex relationship.
I watch Loki sit back down by Stella and I decide to go party instead of sulking about him, us.
"Come dance!" I yell at Bucky over the music who's the first person from the team.
"I uhm-" Before he can tell me he doesn't or can't dance I pull him out on the dance floor and his hands in my hands we sway to the beat coming from the many stereos placed around the living room.
Before I know it I'm up against Bucky, but I straighten myself and tell him, "You know this is only friendly right?"
"Yeah." He says. He smiles at me takes my hand and spins me around and we're back to dancing without thinking, specifically of the people around us.
Soon a crowd of other people has gathered both around us to watch and to dance with us, Loki stands on the sideline watching us dance and if he'd remember us he'd be punching Bucky in the face and yelling at me, I wish he was doing that, wait why am I doing this?
I stop dancing and smile at Bucky, "I need a drink." I walk away without another word.
While getting through the crowd of people watching I walk into someone, of course, it's Loki, I may or may not have tried to walk his way but hitting him was accidental.
"Oh- shit sorry," I tell Loki and immediately walk away from him. God this is not anything compared to what I thought tonight was gonna be like two days ago.
"A glass of vodka thanks," I tell the bartender, he looks at me like I'm crazy, which I am, no one orders a glass of vodka, who knows I might die?
"Y/N, what the hell do you think you're doing?" Steve walks up to me and takes the glass the bartender is giving me. "Just pour it back into the bottle." He hands it back to the bartender.
"What?" I ask him, "I'm over twenty-one, I can legally drink! Give it back, " I point the last of my sentence to the bartender who has yet t9 pour away my drink.
"No, you're going to kill yourself." Steve tells me, "Don't order something so strong in a big amount, you should order it in shots, or just not order it at all."
"Okay, I'll order something weaker. Now go, please." I start pushing Steve away and he turns back to the bartender and says, "Don't give her something you wouldn't give an underage girl."
"Shut up," I yell at Steve who walks away from me.
I get myself another drink and stare at the people I don't know chatting.
How did my life turn into this?
when Loki emerges from the crowd I see that he's walking toward me, he has Stella on his arm.
"Y/N, I just wanted to tell you that tonight has been wonderful, although I am going to head to bed," Loki says.
"I'm also going to head home, thanks for inviting me to your party." Stella bids goodbye.
"Okay, thank you so much for coming and celebrating with me. Goodnight." I say to them and I eye them walking away, Stella doesn't turn to go downstairs but upstairs, where all the bedrooms are.
I decide I need some alone time and sleep so I'll give a thank you and a good night speech.
I step on the stairs with an empty glass in one hand and a fork in the other.
I thump the fork lightly on the glass making an attention-grabbing noise, the music lowers in volume.
"Hi, you all know I am Y/F/N, the one, and only Daggering Phoenix. I just want to say a few words about how grateful and happy I am to be a part of the Avengers, they've all made me feel so welcome and like I belong here, which I do." I pause. "I lost my family a long time ago and now I have found myself a new family that is more of a family to me than a blood family can ever be. For that, I want to say thank you to all of the Avengers. And I want to say a special thank you to Tony for throwing me this party even though my birthday was a few weeks ago and to all of the people who came, even though I don't even know half of the people here. Happy birthday to me and good night!" I yell finishing off my speech.
I don't go straight to bed, I have a few more drinks that lead me to be drunk, very drunk, Wanda starts leading me to my room, and I am reluctant to go but I eventually do when I realize I can go wake up Loki.
"Thank you, Wanda, " I say and close my door. I wait for a few minutes and from Loki's room I hear some noise, that most likely indicates that he hasn't fallen asleep which is even better than if I had to wake him up.
When I'm sure Wanda is gone I exit my room and a few steps later I'm knocking on Loki's door.
For a second I don't have anything like before but then I hear footsteps walking to the door. The door opens and first I don't see anyone but then my eyes discover that Loki's in bed and that the person opening the door is Stella, she has a towel wrapped around her and Loki has the duvet pulled over his waist.
Oh, God! They're doing it, oh fuck, once again my drunken ass has forgotten about Loki's memory loss. Shit!
"Hey, Y/N, can we help you?" Stella asks me and my throat feels like a desert.
Instead of answering I back away from the door and start walking to my room, Stella tries to call after me but when she sees I close my door she closes Lokis door too.
I sink to the floor hugging my knees to my chest and my back up against my door. How can anyone forget that a bit straight away? How embarrassing can I be to myself?
Tears start running, my face looks like a waterfall I cry so much.
Loki's no longer mine. Loki can do whatever he wants and I cannot be mad. Loki can date someone, have sex with them, marry them, do whatever he wants with them, and my anger, jealousy, and sadness will never be relevant.