Chapter 31

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1st person POV. (Y/N)

I wait and then I hear metal clang on the floor. I look down discovering the dagger at my feet not stuck in my flesh.
I smile and chuckle. They stare at me in awe, Loki's eyes look relived but still shocked.
I the dagger up and get an idea. I think of wanting the dagger to cut through my skin and bring it close before sliding it over my finger, small amount of blood starts to leak from the edge of the dagger and I nod. Just like I thought, if I want it to go through then it will otherwise it won't.
"What are you doing?" Loki asks me while pacing to me.
"I testing my powers, if I want it it'll hurt me, if I don't it won't." I stick my finger up in my mouth and with my other hand, I hand Loki the dagger to return to its place.
Instead of sitting back in the wheelchair, I challenge myself to walk with the crutches.
"See, your powers can now protect all of us and you," Wanda assures. And I nod.
"Do you want to come rest?" Loki lays his hand on my lower back and I nod walking out on my crutches with Loki behind me.
Loki closes his bedroom door and I carefully sit down and put away the crutches. He comes to me and takes my head lifting it to his face. I smile and he leans down to kiss my forehead before climbing over me and laying down, I lay down on him, my head on his chest, his hand rubbing my back.
"This is nice," I say, my voice low.
"It is."
"I hope that I can walk independently soon," I admit.
"I agree but we have our whole lives ahead of us to walk on our own." Loki pauses. We're both looking up at the ceiling and staring into the nothingness. "I can't wait for us to retire from the Avengers and start traveling around, maybe including Åsgard."
"So you have been thinking of the future and it contains me?" I ask smiling.
"Of course I have. I don't go and start a relationship with whoever without wanting them in my future."
"People think that they want a specific person in their life but then they change their mind so I don't think you can say that Loki." I kind of joke but kind of say it seriously.
"You should know I don't joke around when it comes to something long-term."
"I think you do." I chuckle and look up at him, "I mean you are the God of Mischief, that includes jokes."
"Y/N, you're ruining what I was saying."
"And what was it you were saying?"
"I was telling you that I see you in my future I hope as my lover, but if that doesn't work out I see us working out as friends no matter how it ends."
"I'm sorry to say this Loki but if it ends on bad notes I don't think we'll end up as friends."
"Okay, how about you stop talking while I am talking." He suggests annoyed at my interrupting.
"Sure." I smile.
"Well forget everything I just said, I just want to say that I wish to see you holding my hand in the future wherever we'll be." He finishes.
"That sounds good." I smile and silence takes over and my mind wanders.
It wanders to the future and shows me an image of me and Loki holding hands, that's when a question pops up in my head.
"Loki?" I say and he looks down at me who looks back up at him.
"Uhhmm?"
"Are you only holding my hand or is there another hand in yours or maybe mine?" I ask.
"What?" He quirks an eyebrow confused not understanding.
"How many more hands will you and I hold in the future?"
"Are you asking me if I think I or you-" His voice is hesitant. "-are going to start away from each other?"
"I- uh- uhm- no?" I laugh.
"Then what are you asking, or should I say accusing?" He's about to sit up.
"God, Loki, no. Of course not." I put my hand on his chest preventing him from sitting up. "I'm asking you how many kids you see us having." I simplify my question.
"What?" Without a warning to me, Loki sits up and turns his body and head to me.
"What do you mean what?" I ask confused.
"You want children?" He asks me like it's something he never expected.
"You don't?" I confirm his question with another question pointed to him.
"No, I don't think I even like children, I've never included them in my thoughts of anything involving me and especially my future."
"I'm just going to tell you now that I want children and I'm not going to give that up, neither am I going to force you to have them," I say.
"Good, because I'm not going to," Loki says.
"Are you seriously not going to think about it?" I ask stunned.
"No, why should I, you are not thinking of the idea of not having children." Loki throws at me now standing up.
I get my crutches and get on them, getting on his level. "I've dreamt of being a mom since I was a little girl, thinking about all the things I and my partner would do better than my parents."
"I've despised everything around children," Loki says and an idea pops in my mind and before I can think about it I've thrown it out of my mouth at Loki.
"Are you sure it's not because of your own childhood?" Without noticing my stomach has turned and Loki's eyes turn to be offended and angry, angrier than I've ever seen.
His mouth opens but the door opens faster Thor standing in the doorframe looking at us at each side of the bed, he must feel the tension as he awkwardly talks to Loki.
"Brother, I hate to break up whatever's happening but we've got to go home to Åsgard."
"For how long?" He asks reluctantly.
"I'm not sure?"
"Why?"
"I don't know that either but I know mother has called us to come."
"I'll be down in a minute," Loki tells his brother and I stand there feeling small.
Loki walks past me and opens his wardrobe getting a bag to put a few clothes or essential things he needs with him to Åsgard. He's in the door when he turns around and locks eyes with me, I still stand in the same spot.
"I'm sorry," Loki says and then he walks away. I'm sorry too, I think when going to close the door.
The door closed my breath starts to go all over the place, it makes it hard for me to breathe and I stumble to the window on my crutches. I have tears in my eyes and when I sit down at the window Loki and Thor are running out with Tony yelling after them and some others walking behind them.
Loki and Thor stand far away from the rest of the team and Thor holds his hammer Mjölnir up in the air and yells something, then what resembles a rainbow fly down, taking away Loki and Thor, leaving a big burn mark on the grass.
Tears start to stream down my cheeks more profusely and I move my body off the window down to the corner in Loki's room.
I sob and the door opens up.
"Y/N?" Nat asks and rushes over me when she sees the state of me.
Wanda's right be home her and in no time Wanda has closed the door with her magic and they're both by my side.
"What happened?" Nat's soft voice asks as Wanda's gentle hands run over my knee and shin.
"We- we fought." I sob and Nat's hand rubs my back.
"Ohh, honey."
"And he left!" My voice breaks.
"He'll be back."
"When?" I ask hysterically. "When we have no way to go back, or when I'm old, he ages differently from us, from me! How have I not thought of that? We'll never last, not even if we could work out this goddamn disagreement! What was I thinking?" My voice echoes through the room and the girls can only listen to me, try to assure me everything will be alright when it won't, and comfort me.
"I do hope he doesn't come back, that eliminates all these tough thoughts."
"Y/N, that's not what you really want, I can tell you that myself."
I catch my breath and my tears dry up.
"I want a drink," I tell the girls and they nod leading me downstairs, turning on some music and they make me a drink.
I swallow many glasses of alcohol and my throat is starting to feel, when I stand up to try and stand alone, without the crutches I can stand for a bit before sitting back down.
"I never asked, when did you come home, and did you find something?" I ask Nat who swirls her drink.
"We came home just before Loki and Thor left."
"And did you find something?" I repeat.
"We searched for a long time and didn't find anything." Nat frowns and I sigh.
"Well, tomorrow I'll have to update everyone who was away because we discovered something today."
"You did?"
"I did."
"Are you pregnant?" Nat jokes and laugh, Wanda smiles and I do too.
"No. Fortunately, we wouldn't want the baby to have suffered through what I did."
"True."
We get joined by a few others and a new team party has started.
My head travels to Loki in Åsgard and I become quiet, no one notices, at least not now, so I allow myself to wonder what he's doing, whether he's also thinking of me or if he's already forgotten. I hope he'll come back soon but if he won't I don't think he should come back, our relationship would be hard to work out if he'd stay there for weeks.
I already miss him and his I regret what I say. I roll my eyes, downing the liquid in my glass currently.
I stand up and fill a tray with shot glasses moving it back very carefully and it does take time, soon Bucky sees me and comes to help me.
"Everyone take a shot! Let's get this party started!" I yell wanting to get Loki off my mind.
Tony turns to music up even more and the evening contains more shots, other alcoholic drinks, songs everyone sings from the top of their lungs, and a night where no one goes to sleep until it's almost morning.

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