Loving A God - LokixReader

Chapter 23

1st person POV. (Y/N)

Tony goes back into his room and when I've gotten Bruce Tony is gone downstairs.
When we get to the training room, Tony has pants on and he is checking Loki's head.
"Bruce help me get him to the infirmary!" Tony calls over. I'm afraid to get closer so I watch them from a distance. When they have Loki's hand's over both of their shoulders they start walking to the infirmary.
I pace behind them and when we get there they lay him on a bed and start talking about things I don't understand.
"Go outside and wait there," Tony tells me. I do as he says.
I sit down in a chair outside of Loki's infirmary room, I hear clattering inside and Bruce and Tony talking. It feels like it's been forever when they finally come out.
I straighten up in my chair and look up at Tony hopeful.
"He's fine," Tony says and Bruce tells me I did a good job with healing him.
"But?" I expect is coming.
"Why did you get mad?" Tony asks me.
"Look before you start interrogating her, I'm going back to bed, goodnight," Bruce says and leaves us.
"I'm sorry," I say to Tony forgetting that he asked me a question.
"Y/N." Tony reminds me of his question.
"I tickled him and he got angry and probably confused about how I knew that and started towering over me. I got mad that he wasn't listening to me so I started punching him and I pushed him, he then fell on the pole on the corners of the ring."
"Okay." Tony nodded. "How did you know to tickle him?"
I stare at the floor. I can't tell him. I don't want to tell him. But I need to. "Fuck." I mumble. "Tony, I'm sorry we shouldn't have done what we did." I come clean.
"Done what?"
"We hooked up. Many times, since the trip to the cabin we've been involved. But we weren't dating just friends with benefits." I say shyly. God, why am I embarrassed to talk about this? It's like I'm talking to my parents about sex, if I would've had a normal family that is.
"Y/N, you should've told us, at least when he lost his memory!" He doesn't yell, but he's angry and maybe hurt.
"I'm sorry," I whisper feeling like I've let everyone down. "Can we keep this between us? I don't want any pity if Loki's memory doesn't return." Tony nods agreeing to keep quiet about our Loki's nonexistent relationship.
Tony pulls me into a hug and his arms tighten around me telling me that even though I may not need it now or ever he's here for me.
"You should go to sleep, we'll talk tomorrow." Tony sends me walking down the hall where my feet take me to my bedroom and onto my bed.

I feel weird around my stomach and feet and as I finish rubbing my eyes I see that the training clothes I had on yesterday night are tangled around my body. I get out of the clothes and in new ones I tread myself down into the kitchen.
The whole floor is empty, I can't hear anything and when I go to look I find no one. I'm finished with breakfast when I finally hear heavy steps come from the first-floor staircase.
I look at the entrance from the first floor and see that Thor has come up.
"Where were you?" I startle him as he didn't see me when he came into the kitchen.
"Y/N, you're awake! I know you know Loki was in the infirmary, " He winks at me indicating that the team knows I knocked Loki over hurting him badly. "And he has woken up, so he's hungry." I nod. "Ohh and I almost forgot that you don't know yet, Loki has his memory back!" Thor beams with joy as he makes a toast with cheese for Loki.
For a second I process what Thor said. I understand him but don't get my hopes up until Thor confirms it again that what he said was in fact that Loki remembers everything.
I throw my dish in the sink, not carefully, but it doesn't break. I start steps one after another and with each one, they get faster. When I'm down the stairs I remember I cannot go in there and embrace and kiss him. I'll have to wait. I then slow my stepping and soon I'm in the infirmary about to open his door.
I put my hand on the knob and push it down, I push the door open and step in, my eyes lock with Lokis and for a second I'm about to jump on him but I come to my senses.
When I look at his head he has a bandage wrapped around the area where the wound I healed is. Shit. I did that, I didn't just heal him, I injured him. Fuck. My eyes are starting to swell with tears but before I let one fall, I've looked around me at the team who are all looking at me and turned around walking through the door quickly exiting the infirmary and running away from it.
I'm at the stairs when I both hear Thor coming and I realize that I can't go to my room, so before Thor appears on the stairs and sees me I turn my course to the library.
I close the door of the library lightly barely making any noise. I sigh and walk to a hidden reading nook, I take a book that's beside it and sit down in it.
My eyes scan the first page again and again but I can't receive any of the words I read, my mind always travels to Loki when I'm in mid-sentence.
How could I have done that to Loki? I know him, we've been hanging out almost daily for there and a half months, I knew he wouldn't hurt me, or maybe he would hurt me if he didn't know me, God, I don't know what he'd do. All I can do now is stay away from him, maybe we weren't meant to be, and he almost hurting me and I having hurt him is a sign.
I need to get him off my mind, I need to play some music and focus on reading.
One book down, I'm not sure how long I've been hiding but long enough to read a whole book with three hundred and more pages.
My stomach rumbles when I put the book in its place. I should go eat something, I bet it's night, and everyone's asleep.
I tiptoe down the hallway up the stairs and into the kitchen. Like I thought, the sky outside the window is black. I turn on the sink making the cold water run while I make myself some cereal. Both in hand, I start walking back down to the library.
I open the door to the library and let it close behind me.
Back in my nook, I lay down and start eating the cheerios taking few sips of water in between.
My ears perk up when I hear steps come down the hallway of bookshelves.
I pull my things together and hide in the corner trying to dig myself through it when I press my back up against the wall hardly and quiet down my breath.
The steps are slow taking each one a few seconds after the other. Soon the steps are all the way down the corridor but don't stop for long when they turn around to walk back. I hear the steps get further away and finally, the door of the library opens and closes. I catch my breath before realizing I need a book to read.
I get out of the nook and walk to the fantasy bookshelf. There I slide my hand over the books while walking down the hallway trying to select a book to read and finish in the next day. I pick one book and am taking out another when something lightly touches my shoulder. It settles on my shoulder pressing hard, I feel that it's a hand.
I allow the hand to turn me around only the person that's touching me doesn't know I'm about to knock them out.
I am turned around and without taking a single glance at the owner of the hand I'm slamming them up against the bookshelf, which thankfully is a built-in bookshelf so it doesn't topple over.
My eyes look at the person and I blink a few times to make sure that it really is who I see, Loki.
I let go of him immediately when I see that it's him, I back away arms up in the air like he's pointing a gun at me. A sob escapes my mouth.
"I'm sorry," I mumble. Moving my hands to cover my mouth.
Loki moves slowly to me while tears start to run out of my eyes.
"Hey, Y/N, it's okay, you didn't hurt me." He says softly still moving towards me, trying to smile while I back up to the bookshelf.
"Y/N, come here." Loki puts his hand on my shoulder again and pulls me into a hug.
Reminded of the warmth that I feel in his embrace, I sob. I've missed him so much, the old him, the Loki who knows me and hopefully loves me, even though just as a friend.
"It's okay, you didn't hurt me," Loki says again comforting me in a hug I'm just now accepting and returning.
"Why'd you do that!" I push him away from me and slap his hand.
"Do what?" Loki asks me confused.
"Everything since you told me to run when we got ice cream, you left me, then you came back and didn't remember me! I know it's not your fault and we promised not to get attached, but I did! And you left me. Even hooked up with another girl!" I yell, sobs interrupting me now and then, Loki's eyes are wide.
"Do you mean Stella?" Loki carefully asks.
"Of course her," I say, my voice small and my heartbroken.
"Y/N I remember everything that happened in the last week, I never hooked up with her, I liked her and was going to that night you walked in on us but after seeing you hurt like that I didn't want to, even though I didn't remember us," Loki explains and takes my hand in his. "Come on, you should sit down."
Loki leads me to the sitting area. And sits us down on the big couch. He takes my head and puts it on his chest, stroking my cheek lightly.
"Nothing happened love," Loki whispers.
I'm still crying but I believe him, something in his voice sounds real.
"Loki. I think we should stop this none relationship thing, either we get together or we just stop doing whatever we were doing before." I say my voice cracking in the end.
Loki doesn't say anything and when I look up at him he's staring straight ahead. "Loki?"
His head turns to me, he gives me a small smile and says, "I better tell you that I've never been in a serious relationship, so I think we ought to give it a try but I'm not sure how I'll do or how this will end."
"Loki, I haven't been in a relationship either, just hooking up, relationship then. And I agree we should try this." He intertwines our fingers together and smiles more confidently now.
He leans toward me and I reach my head up at him, for the first time in one week or so, we kiss. His lips take reins and control the speed our lips greet each other.
He moves me by the hips up on him, his hands explore my hair tugging slightly at it. I feel a flutter in my stomach and continue kissing him while his hands start to travel from my head, down my back, and to my butt. He grabs it, squeezing it a few times before I break away from him.
"You okay?" Loki asks and I nod.
"I'm just tired."
"Want to go upstairs?" Loki offers.
"No, I think we should stay here, we can sleep in the nook," I tell Loki, worried someone might find us sleeping together before we announce that we're dating.
"That sounds wonderful." Loki accepts smiling, taking my hand while I lead him to the nook that I've been in for the last twelve hours.