Loving A God - LokixReader

Chapter 36

1st person POV. (Y/N)

I look at the beautiful houses with big windows revealing the store and options inside them, we stand in an open outdoor market and Wanda is gathering us around, trying to make us shut up while we gush about our wonderful surroundings.
"Guys, can you please just listen for one minute!" Her voice sounds irritated.
We slowly finish our sentences and turn our heads to her. It's like we're on a school trip and the teachers trying to get us to listen, honestly, this is exactly what this is.
Wanda sighs and starts. "For an hour we're just going to do us split up and go explore the stores around us. But when that hour is over we're meeting back here and going to check out the market, so only go to the stores first we'll do the market together, alright, so let's go!" She claps her hands and I look at Bucky who doesn't notice me at first but then nods to the side offering me to go walking with him and Sam.
"Where do we go first?" I ask them.
"There." Sam points and walks off. I and Bucky walk behind him and I look behind myself seeing Loki follow Thor, who's following Bruce, who's following Tony. I smile and almost roll my eyes.
"So what's up?" Bucky asks me.
"What'd you mean?" I ask him, Sam looks at me.
"I'm going to go check out that store." Sam points again and leaves us.
We sit down on a bench before Bucky asks again. "What's up with you, I feel like you've been off since we got here."
"Ohh-" He noticed, I'm thankful for that but I'm not sure if I do want to tell him. I stay quiet but give up once I remember he's always been honest with me and I owe him that back.
I explain to him that Loki and I had a fight and then he asks the question no one else has asked.
"What was the fight about?"
"I- it- it's ridiculous."
"Y/N, I'm not going to judge you, I'm not going to pressure you to tell me either but you know I'm here to listen and if you want another perspective I'll give it to you."
I look at him and I lay my head on his shoulder. I huff and sit back up facing him completely.
"It's was about kids." I frown.
"What's so ridiculous about that?" Bucky seems shocked.
"Because," I throw my hands in the air, "Me and Loki haven't been together for that long."
"Y/N, even though you haven't asked, my opinion is that you can talk about it whenever and honestly if you see yourself with your partner, whoever it is, in the future you should talk about it sooner than later because what he doesn't want children and you do, can you really see yourself together after that?"
"You see, that the problem, he doesn't want kids and I do."
"No offense but honestly that doesn't surprise me."
"Maybe," I say drained from this situation.
"I can only say that you should have a serious talk about this and the sooner the better," Bucky says, and as if on cue Sam walked out of the store door.
"Wanna continue or head back?" Sam asks.
"Are you crazy! We've only just started!" I jump up and push my problems aside, for now.
"Alright! You heard her, let's go." Sam says to Bucky who's still sitting on the bench when we have walked a few steps away.
Bucky joins us and we walk and talk and explore the stores until we have ten minutes left and we start to walk back, which doesn't take long, or at least that's what we think.
"Where were you?" Wanda shouts at us when she sees us approaching.
I look at Bucky showing a fake scared face.
"Uh-oh," I say and we don't answer Wanda until we're closer.
"Wanda, we're sorry we're late, we thought it wouldn't take so much time to walk back. But we're here so you can now continue."
"I don't have much to say other than we're now going into the market and I don't just enjoy yourself." Wanda throws her hands in the air and walks away into the market, I see Vision follow her so I don't want to interrupt them, I'll talk to Wanda later. I walk behind Bucky and Sam and look at the stalls we pass.
I'm not sure if I'm searching for something but if I see something practical I'll get it.
Stalls of clothes, food, vintage things, books, and small decorations.
I scan the books and the small decorations thoroughly and find a book that's green with gold embroidery and I find a fridge magnet that's made for Loki, the magnet is two daggers with, of course, emerald green handles. I buy them both and find a gift bag to hide them in so Loki won't see them.
When I find Bucky and Sam again they're arguing over something, what I'm hear8ng doesn't make sense so I suggest we just go sit down on a bench and wait for everyone to be done to go home. They agree and I sit in between them feeling a lot of anger flow between them.
We don't speak at all while we wait, I've become bored and tired so I lay my head on Bucky's shoulder, and soon after that Wanda is walking across the market finding everyone and gathering us at the same place we were. Thor along with Loki is one of the last out and when I see Loki spot me I see he gets a little tense, I sit upright again and listen to Wanda.
"Is everyone satisfied?" She asks and no one objects, so she moves on. "Alright, we're going home." She says, somehow sounding exhausted.
We call caps and leave to go back to Tony's private resort. I throw my gift into my room and then offer to cook.
I'm left alone in the kitchen while they all go out to have drinks before dinner. The spaghetti is in the pot and the meat is cooked, now I have to make the sauce and then Loki comes in.
"Oh- hey," I say when I look up at him.
I pour the tomato sauce ingredients onto the pan with meat and Loki questions me lurking his eyebrow.
"Stop," I say.
"Can I help?"
"Sure, stir the sauce," I tell him to do, and still on the other side of the counter, he stirs the sauce while I throw in seasoning.
"Y/N." Loki begins.
"Loki." I'm returning the spices so I'm facing away from him.
"I'm sorry." He says.
I don't answer or turn around I continue slowly and quietly to put the bottles of spice back on their shelves.
"I'm sorry for how I spoke to you, and my opinion and how I left without a word." Loki continued. I still just listen and have my back turned away from him. "Y/N, I've changed my mind, the past weeks have been awful, not knowing where we stand and I'd do anything to be with you."
His last words make me turn around and finally answer. "Loki, you can't have kids just to be with me. If you don't want kids I'm not going to make you, and you know maybe we weren't meant to be." I admit.
His eyes look like something has broken inside of him. Oh, God.
"I don't believe that, and if you do I'm not sure where you were while we were happy together."
"Loki, I want to be with you, but we can't have kids together, not if you want to."
"But Y/N, can't you hear what I'm saying, I'm telling you that I've changed my mind on the kids."
"I don't believe you have just changed your mind in a few weeks."
"But that's what happened!" Loki tells me.
"How? What is it exactly that changed your mind?"
"It's nothing it just happened." He says but a realization comes to me.
"Your mom. You and she had a chat. Thor told me that and after that, you have been deep in thought. What did she say to you? That you had to have children for her?" I accuse.
"What? No! Of course, she didn't say that."
"Then what did she say?"
"Y/N, why are you doing this? Whatever this is?"
"I'm not doing anything except asking you a question and being thorough so I don't get hurt again because I loved you!" My voice has raised a bit in the heat.
"Loved? You don't love me anymore?"
I wait to think, "I don't know." I answer him and his eyes travel to the floor. "Wanda, can you come back in?" I yell out to her.
She comes in and takes over for me and I leave sniffling to go to the bathroom.
I close the door and lock it, and sit down on the toilet hiding my face in my palms. A tear leaks through my shut eyes onto my hand and that's when I sit up, blow my nose, throw it in the toilet, and flush it. I fix myself up in the mirror while thinking I need to pull Bucky for a chat.
I walk out of the bathroom and into the living room stopping by the kitchen counter.
"Thank you so much, Wanda. Would love to take over but I have to take care of something I'll tell you about it later, do you maybe want me to ask if someone can take over for you?" I offer but she shakes her head and so I leave her and Loki alone in the kitchen.
I place my hands on two chairs that are occupied by Tony and Pepper and sitting in front of them is Bucky.
"Bucky, can I take you away for a chat?" He nods and stands up joining me at the end of the outdoor dining table, I link my arm with him and we walk to a seated area away from everyone where no one can hear or see us.
"So what's up?" Bucky asks while he's getting comfortable.
"You know Loki came in to help cook well we chatted and I'm not sure what to do or think or anything."
"Okay, I need more, tell me what he said."
I brief him on our conversation and he nods. "What do you think."
"I'm afraid that he doesn't want kids and he just wants to be with me so he'll force himself to have kids," I answer.
"I think whatever his mother said that it wasn't to tell him to go have kids she probably gave him so pros to weigh out his cons. So after that, he fought about it and decided it sounded good when he would do it with you." Bucky says.
I nod and smile, "Maybe you're right, but what if I give him a chance and he hurts me again?"
"Then you won't keep it to yourself you'll have to tell everyone, and I think it's better to have loved and get hurt than to not have loved and wondered what could've been."
"Yeah," I say, and silence takes over. I stand up pulling Bucky up with me and I hug him. "Thank you for the advice."
"Yeah, it really is nothing." I smile and we break away.
"We should head back." And we do again with linked arms we walk back and when we sit down outcomes Wanda carrying all the food with her magic and Loki walks out behind her, we lock eyes but he breaks away and sits down in the seat vacant farthest away from me as he can sit down in.
Wanda sits down lastly offering everyone to dig in.