Fresh Start

O n e

   "Yes, Mom, I'm fine." I say into the phone, glancing over at Kaylee who was sitting at the other end of the couch, apparently finding me talking to Alyssa amusing as she grins, looking like she's holding back a laugh.

"Have you been taking-"

"Yes." I say, cutting her off since I knew what she was gonna ask. "Yeah, I've been taking my meds."

"What about Kaylee, how's-"

I once again cut her off, "Kaylee's fine." I answer as my best friend gazes at me, seemingly happy from hearing her name. "We're both good."

"You had therapy yesterday didn't you?" My mom questions, the same eagerness still lingering in her voice.

I roll my eyes at Kaylee, igniting a laugh from her but still I answer, "Yes I did, it was fine."

"What about-"

"Mom, I've lived here for three months how long is this helicopter mom act going to last?" I question.

"Well I didn't know my concern was bothering you." She says, more than a hint of sarcasm in her voice, "I'm sorry for worrying about my daughter who's in a completely different hemisphere."

I can't help myself as I answer, "Actually we're both in the northern hemisphere."

It's quiet for a few moments on the line as she probably hears Kaylee's chuckle in the background "Aren't you a smarty pants."

I nod a bit, helpless to the smile that takes over my face, "Yup, that's why you love me."

"One of the many reasons, sweetie." She replies.

"Isn't it like midnight in Chicago? Why are you still awake?" I say, changing the subject.

"Isn't it around six am in Florence? Why are you awake?" Alyssa retorts.

"We stayed up late watching tv." I answer hesitantly, making eye contact with Kaylee who purses her lips to stop from laughing.

A loud sigh can be heard from Alyssa before she speaks, "Kris just because it's your gap year doesn't mean you can mess up your sleep schedule." She starts, clearly getting ready to ramp up into a full lecture.

"Goodnight Mom." I state, hoping to cut off before her next words.

Surprisingly she doesn't force me to stay on the line, probably because she's tired too, "Goodnight Kris, I love you."

"I love you to-"

My words get cut off as Kaylee half yells; "Goodnight Mrs. Heart" I roll my eyes at my friend before hanging up.

"Seriously, when will she quit?" I say, glancing at my phone's black screen in front of me.

"You should be grateful, my parents stopped calling weeks ago." Kaylee replies, as she types frantically on her phone.

"Your parents still text you, plus you're texting Kieron every waking second." I point out, knowing she's texting him now.

Her fingers stop for a second as she glares at me. "Long distance is hard." I had to agree with her there, from my own experience I know it's fucking hard.

"How is he liking New York?" I ask, trying to switch to a positive subject. I love Keiron and all, but it surprised all of us when he got into Harvard for Law, of course he just had to go which I think put a strain on him and Kaylee's relationship but luckily they're still together and he's already making plans to come visit so hopefully their relationship will last, fingers crossed.

"Says it's fucking amazing." She mumbles, clearly upset thinking about him. "His classes start next week."

I grab the tv remote from where it is between us, hitting play and earning a questioning look from Kaylee, "We're only on season four I bet we could at least make it to six."

She smiles slightly, nodding as she grabs the chip bowl from the floor, placing it on her lap, "You're right, I wanna see how long Haley can last in uni." I laugh in agreement as the theme song starts, demanding us to turn our attention to the tv playing Modern Family.

This had been most of our Summer, staying up to all hours of the night, bingeing show after show. I mean the whole reason for my gap year is to learn to relax and even then, believe me not everything in these last three months has been relaxing.

For starters I've been on three different types of antidepressants, I've been going to therapy twice a week and seeing a psychologist twice a month to discuss medication. One of the big side effects of my meds has been insomnia, hence the staying up all night.

Not everything's been bad though, after switching three different times to new antidepressants, I finally found one that works, of course paired with my antianxiety meds. And for the first time in a long time I feel good. Good. Like good good. Like fucking happy, like I might be fucking happy for a while.

It's been five months since I tried to kill myself and I haven't hurt myself since, and if I do say so myself that's fucking impressive. I can look down at my hands and be met with long nails. Okay, fine, that doesn't sound incredible but in the past my nails have been chewed down to a nub, something I did when I felt anxious or upset.

The point is I'm finally ready. Ready for my life. Ready for happiness. Ready for anything life throws my way.