Fresh Start

T w o

   "C'mon don't be a bitch." Kaylee argues as I stop pouring my coffee purley to glare at her. "You're supposed to step out of your comfort zone."

I roll my eyes, "Stepping out of my comfort doesn't mean going to a church-"

"Youth group." She corrects.

"Full of gay hating people." I finish, not acknowledging her correction.

"Not everyone who goes to church hates gay people Kris." Kaylee shoots back before her gaze softens as she gives me puppy dog eyes, "Alexandra's nice, you'd like her, we have to make new friends."

I roll my eyes at that, sipping from my full cup of coffee, "I don't need new friends, I have you and Kieron and Jenna." I state.

She squints at my slightly, almost glaring, "I need to speak with this Jenna, let her know where she stands." I give her a questioning look as she points to her chest, "I'm your best friend, that position is already taken."

"Shut up." I groan, but still laugh nonetheless. "I'll think-" I cut off when my phone rings from the countertop behind me. "Well speak of the devil." I say as I'm met with Jenna's contact. Kaylee simply glares harder as I press answer and walk out of our kitchen to the balcony. "Hey J what's up?"

"Hey." Jenna greets, "Not much, Rayna's pissed at me so I thought 'oh hey why not call my one and only friend'." She states, sarcasm evident in her voice, along with a hint fo anger.

"Shit why's she mad?" I ask curiously, as I sit down on one of the metal chairs, resting my forearm on the railing beside me.

"Fuck no, I didn't call you to dump my shit on you..." She stops speaking for so long I assume she's ended her sentence but as soon as I go to speak she begins talking again, "I called you so you can dump your shit on me and distract me."

I chuckle slightly before answering, "Well you know, not much is going on, gap year and what not." I explain.

"C'mon Kristin, don't hold out on me." She begs, sounding like she's joking but the slightly tone of desperation in her voice reminds me of what she called me for, to distract her.

"Well Kaylee's trying to get me to go to this youth group or some shit." I tell her, tapping my nail against the slightly rusted metal of my chair.

"Uh, if you don't mind me asking, why?"

I shrug slightly, "She met this girl named Alexandra who wants her to go and she thinks I should come too."

"Wait 'she' as in Alexandra 'she' or Kaylee 'she'?"

"Kaylee she." I clarify before continuing, "I mean you must get it right? I don't wanna put myself into a situation with people whose beliefs clash with my lifestyle."

It's silently for a while and I suddenly fear she's hung up but then her next words have my laughing quietly, "I'm gonna pretend you didn't just call being gay your 'lifestyle'. But no actually I disagree."

"With what?"

"I don't know like the whole thing, Rayna's family's supper conservative and everything but they still love her and shit." She explains, "You can't just judge people based on their religion, you don't know they all have gay people, I mean what type of youth group is this anyways?"

I nod a bit as I take in her words, before I change the subject, "What happened with Rayna?"

Jenna sighs somewhat loudly, making it sound exacerbated, "Regular shit K, don't worry about it."

"You're my friend, I worry about you." I tell her.

There's a choked laugh from the other line making me squint curiously, "You're just trying to get the topic off of you, aren't you?"

"What? No." I deny, but I'm left with laughing from the other line that tells me shedoesn't believe me, "Fine yeah that was part of it, but I still care about you and want to hear about you and your girlfriend's fight."

The laughing dies down and once again she leaves the line silent for all too long, but when she talks again her voice has something deeper to it, something like...vulnerability? But that can't be it, it's fucking Jenna, "I-I just- God I don't know why I'm sad." She speaks, her voice breaking at the end, "Jesus okay, she's taken another break from her meds, because guess what the shit works, and like it makes her think she's fine, so so stops taking them...but she's not fine Kris, she's really not fine-" Her words cut off and soon they're replaced by almost silent sobs that have me way more worried than if they were screams.

"Hey, hey, hey, Jenna." I speak softly, suddenly sitting up straighter, "It'll be okay." I say, not really knowing what else to say.

The soft crying slows slightly, "You-you promise?"

I nod my head franticly as if that makes a difference, "I fucking promise, it'll be alright."

"God..." Jenna trails off, inhaling deeply before exhaling, making the crying stop, "I'm such a fucking baby." She murmurs, almost more to herself, "Not as much of a baby as you're being about this youth group." She jokes, making me laugh lightly.

"Oh shut up." I mutter.

"No you shut up." She shoots back, but no heat behind her words.

It's like there's a silent promise for neither of us to break the silence as we both stay on the call, enjoying the peace and quiet. Eventually I hang up, only because I hear crashing from inside.

When I re enter our loft Kaylee's cleaning up glass off the floor, she meets my eyes, smiling slightly, "Broke a fucking glass." She states simply.

A wave hits me as her words do, a wave that makes me remember things I'd rather forget. I look down at the nasty scar on the palm of my hand, remembering the pain that came with it. Mental pain. Emotional pain. Physical pain.

"Yo Kris." Kaylee says, grabbing my attention and making me bring my eyes back to her, "You good?" I nod slowly as she continues sweeping up.

I am fine. I remind myself as I pull my sweatshirt sleeve over the scar on my wrist, along with the one on my hand. Now.