Let me love you (Marina)

Chapter 3

I finished my shift at five in the afternoon and I could tell that I was quite exhausted, sitting all day doesn't do your spine any good, no matter how attractive the idea is. I left the office, said goodbye to Sarah then heading to the pediatric ward to check on my hospitalized patients before going home.

After going through all the rooms I stopped in front of the last door, sighing deeply before entering.

"Doctor Deluca!" An animated scream greeted me and I couldn't help but smile at the little one on the bed.

"Hey, Samuel!" I looked at his mother sitting on the chair next to the bed. "How are you, Mrs. Sanders?"

"Good doctor Deluca," she murmured shyly.

The woman had dark circles under her warm brown eyes and looked exhausted. I went over to them and took Samuel's medical record from the foot of the bed and began to review the news in his file.

"How did you feel this weekend Sam?" I looked at him over the folder.

"Good," he replied simply with a shrug.

"Sure? Was there anything new?" I directed my question to his mother.

"During his session on Saturday he got a bit dehydrated but they were able to stabilize him," The woman said with tears in her eyes. "And he was a little dizzy today."

Samuel was a perfectly healthy, active 7-year-old boy, affectionate with his parents, who loved going to school and enjoyed spending time with his friends. Suddenly, one day he woke up feeling tired and bruises began to appear on his body for no apparent reason. His parents decided to bring him to the hospital and after many examinations and studies he was diagnosed with leukemia, he was immediately put under chemotherapy treatment and here he is, fighting day after day for his life.

As a health professional I understand that diseases do not judge by color, religion or gender, much less by age, but it is impossible for me to separate my sensitive and human side from this particular case because what kind of sin could this kid be paying for? What kind of atrocity did he do in his short seven years of life to deserve something like this? Why does everything have to be so unfair? They were just unanswered questions, questions I tried not to think about... At least not in front of him and his parents.

I shook my head to focus my thoughts and cleared my throat to remove the lump that had formed.

"Did Dr. Edwards check it out?" I asked.

"Yes, she came that same day and did some tests on him. She said there was nothing to worry about."

I nodded while writing some directions on a recipe.

"But I didn't vomit, Dr. Deluca," said the little boy with the little enthusiasm that his fragile body was capable of showing. "It's the first session that doesn't happen to me."

I smiled at Samuel and watched as his mother left the room hiding the tears that fell down her cheeks.

"Well done Sam, I'm proud of you." I took his hand in mine and rubbed it gently. "You're being a real little man."

"I can't wait to get out of here and see my friends again but..." He paused and looked at me uncertainly.

I had to put all my will in not crying. Samuel's prognosis was reserved, he had had five chemotherapy sessions so far and was doing very well, there was progress but nothing assured that he would go home healthy. On days like this I really hated my job.

"But what, Sam?" I asked looking at him, still caressing his little hand.

"I don't know if... I just... No... Do you think they want to be my friends even though my hair fell out?" He asked with tears in his eyes.

—Of course they do, Sam, if they loved you before, they will continue to do so now. Even more because they will realize that you are a very brave and strong child," He smiled. "Don't worry about anything, okay?"

He gave me a little nod.

"Come here," I said, hugging him. "You are the bravest boy I know, Sam."

"Thank you, Dr. Deluca," he said through a yawn.

"Well, I'll let you rest. Good night Sam" He nodded closing his eyes and immediately fell asleep. I knew he was tired, all patients are after chemotherapy.

I closed the door behind me and walked over to Samuel's mom who was crying in the hallway.

"Mrs. Sanders," I whispered, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"Excuse me for what happened, Dr. Deluca, I..."

"Don't worry, Mrs. Sanders." I handed her the recipe I was carrying. "Here are the indications to help with the dizziness, give it to the nurse, he will feel better."

"Thank you," she whispered, taking the recipe with one hand and wiping her tears with the other.

"He's asleep, try to get some rest Mrs. Sanders." The woman gave me a sad smile and nodded. I had to go before I started crying in front of her. "Good afternoon."

I hurried down the hall without looking where I was going until I bumped into someone.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled without looking up, at this point my face was streaked with tears.

"Carina?"

I looked up to find a tall, red-haired woman with piercing green eyes looking at me with concern. Jessica Edwards, the oncologist in charge of Samuel's case.

"Hi Jessica," I started to wipe my tears ashamed that she saw me in that situation. Again.

"Everything okay?" she asked in her cute southern accent.

"Yes."

"Are you sure?" She looked at me raising an eyebrow.

"I just saw Sam," I said as an explanation and she understood, giving me one of her glances. "I know, I shouldn't get involved but I can't help it, I've grown fond of that child"

"And I understand it perfectly. I'm not a heartless bitch Carina. I'm only trained to deliver bad news." She said. "Everything will be fine, in fact there have been great advances with him... His prognosis is still reserved but I'm quite optimistic." She gave me a reassuring smile.

"So do I. I have to go now." I said, worried I would start crying again. "Call me if something happens, it doesn't matter what time, okay?"

"Sure, don't worry."

I waved goodbye and walked down the hall still wiping my eyes. I made my way out of the hospital as quickly as I could, reaching the privacy of my car without bumping into anyone else, much to my relief. I sat behind the wheel sobbing uncontrollably, I felt totally useless, spending years studying to save people's lives and not being able to do it with Samuel made me mad. No person deserved to go through a situation like that but if there is someone who really does not deserve it, it is a child.

After a few minutes I managed to calm down and was about to start the engine when my phone rang inside my bag, I struggled for a few seconds to find it and finally took it out looking at the screen.

Incoming call.
Unknown number.

I frowned but still slid my finger to answer.

"Hello?"

"Carina?" Said a woman's voice and I froze.

It was her. Maya. I would never forget her sweet voice. She had called me! She hadn't forgotten about me! Ha! In your face Altman.

"Yes, it's me," I tried to answer with a calm that I didn't feel, my heart was beating fast.

"It's Maya," she giggled when I made a noise in my throat. "What do you say if we go for that coffee today?"