It's Never Just Goodbye // Ed Sheeran

No Plans at All to Leave

Ed

“I’m standing here, drunk as I ever had been, and I’m confessing that I still fucking love you! Could you please look at me?” I ask and Alice finally moves her eyes up to mine. “Alice, I haven’t moved on.”

“You said you did. Why would you say that if you didn’t mean it?”

“People say dumb shit all the time.”

“Ed, you’re really drunk. I can see it all over your face and how you’re talking, that you’re insanely wasted. If you wouldn’t have been drinking when Kim told you, you wouldn’t be here.”

“You’re wrong.”

“I’m not wrong and, deep down, you know that I’m right. You aren’t thinking straight. Tomorrow, you’re going to wake up and hate the fact that you came here.”

“I’m sobering up.”

“No, you aren’t.”

“Alice, I mean what I say. I fucked over so many relationships because the entire time I was dating them, all I could think about was you.” I say.

She rolls her eyes. “Ed,” She says quietly. “Please leave and go home.”

Her voice wavered as she said the simple words. It almost seemed like she was begging me to leave. Her eyes protruded and red, her teeth raking her bottom lip. Just one look and I knew being here wasn’t what she wanted.

“I’m not leaving.”

“I don’t want you here, Ed! I don’t love you anymore!” She stood from the couch and threw the couch pillow down. She faced me with a false self-pride. “Just go!”

“No, I’m not leaving. I want you to face me and tell me you don’t love me.” I said. She straightened her body out, her hands hanging at her sides, and her eyes dead-set on mine. “Look me in the eyes and tell me that you no longer love me.”

With her eyes stone-cold and her plump lips set in a straight like, Alice says, “I don’t love you anymore.”

I didn’t expect her to say it. Maybe she’d break down and realize she really did love me still. Alice, the headstrong girl I actually fell in love with, wasn’t backing down in this fight.

“Ed, I’m sorry.” She reverted her eyes to the wall behind me. Her voice finally showed she was actually human rather than it having no emotion. She sniffed, held her hand up to her lips, and held her breathe.

Shaking her head briefly, Alice sucked in some air and spoke, “That chapter of my life is over. I grew up, okay? I grew up and got over you.”

“I know that magic between us is gone, but we can fight for it.” I moved closer to her, dodging the coffee table and moving around it. I reached out my hand as if she was an anxious deer I wanted to feed. Tears prickled out from my eyes and slid down my face, burning my cheeks. “We can be together. Just like our friends, we can be together.”

“No,” My hand touched her cheek just as she said it and she jerked away from me. “I can’t do this anymore, Ed! It’s been almost a whole year since we called it off. Why can’t you just find someone else?”

“You’re the only girl I have ever loved, Alice. So many years I spent pondering over the memories we shared together, so many songs written that pour how I feel about you out.”

“Write new songs!” She stammered, moving away from me. “I don’t know what to tell you! I can’t do this now, Ed. I’m engaged.”

“I know that, but it doesn’t have to be like this! You can call it off!”