schlatt (+lunch club) : babysitter

+ ten

"quit leaning over me." schlatt budges me back with his elbow.
"i'm just trying to see outside!"
"it's hills, so what."
"so i'm in a new country and i want to see the sights."

"can you two stop bickering." swagger calls from behind us.
"you're like an old married couple!" noah laughs before returning to conversation with cooper. the others are mainly focused on chad, who is drinking heavily despite it being midday.
"chad you fuckin monkey! you're gonna be passed out by the time we arrive!"

"hey, girl!"
"y/n!" travis corrects mason.
"y/n, we got some footage earlier that we're gonna send your way but for now we need you recording our minivan shenanigans!"
"oh sure!" i get out the camera again and point it around. there's not much going on right now, so i review what i got earlier.

"yo! kinder surprise!"
"dude can i have one?" cooper holds out his hand.
"nah man, nah. these things kill more kids than guns."
fitz chimes in, "someone say guns? guns are fuckin sick. i love america."
i chuckle behind cam.

"wait don't you have a license fitz?"
"i do.." he sounds very hesitant.
"then why aren't you driving?"
"because i don't want to.."

then it cuts to fits driving when he was blasting that shitty tutorial music. that bit gets me.

"schlatt!" swagger calls, "do a bit for the camera."
"no i just wanna nap and listen to my music.." schlatt grumbles, leaning against the window. honestly, me too. we have a long journey ahead so i fumble in my pocket for my headphones.

"shit.."
"haha!" he laughs at my misfortune.
"i left my headphones at the apartment.."
i hear a click as the camera is stuck in my face before schlatt puts it back into his hoodie pocket, "that's gold. y/n suffering, my favourite thing."
"i'm gonna tell ted you're being mean."
"snitch."
"asshole."
"GUYS."

i lower my voice, "gimme yours."
"no?"
"please. ill tell ted. i'm sick i'm dying."
"ugh." he pulls one out and sticks it in my ear, "there, now shut up."
"hey i don't want to listen to your shitty- wait."
"what?"
"is this... tennessee ernie ford? sixteen tons?"
he smiles but tries to stop himself, "yeah."
"i love this song! i owe myy soul to the company storrrreeeee"
"don't sing."

i get some more shots just for a travel montage. little things like the rain on the window or the road stretching ahead. bucks seems pretty impressed which is apparently a good sign. i sit smugly with the camera on my lap as the chatter continues and schlatt's music plays in my ear. our tastes, despite our differences, seem to be almost identical. radiohead, cat stevens, the beatles, sinatra, even some kali uchis. i remember ted saying we had the same favourite song too; Where'd All The Time Go?

"schlatt?" i poke his arm.
"hmm.." he scowls and jumps awake, "i was asleep bitch.."
"alright never mind." i sigh and unlock my phone.

conar

you got access to a computer yet?
we need to think up a username for you
something easy to pronounce and cool

hmm..
y/neatsshoes?

plagiarism!

what about..
y/ncicle haha

NO
think about it a little longer

okk

i lie back on my seat and listen to the others.
"i've literally never played dnd in my life. it's such a sad game."
"i'm getting into it! it's such a good game! you're just fucking rude."
i chuckle, i have a joke for this, "you guys ever played against a mind goblin?"
"fuck sake there's another nerd on the bus.." mason sighs.
"no? a mind goblin?" swagger looks hopeful.
"mind goblin these nuts up bitch!"

the whole van fills with uproar as everyone laughs.
"Y/N FUCKING HELL!" chad howls in delight.
"i've never played in my life, sorry swagger."
"that was... brutal."
i shrug.

schlatt somehow manages to sleep through all the yelling still. i nudge mason to get him to see, "how's he sleeping through all of this?"
"holy shit do you have a pen? we could draw on his face."
"record it too!" cooper waves his hands up and i hand him the camera.
a smile curls onto my face, "somebody find a pen! i'll do his hair funny!"
"yes!!" mason claps happily and turns behind him to find a pen.

i take a couple hair bands from my pocket and carefully move my hands towards his hair. to test, i wrap my finger round a lock of hair, waiting for a reaction. it's softer than i expected. he sighs a little but overall isn't too bothered, so i chuckle quietly and tie some in a little sprout at the top of his head. the others around me try desperately not to laugh.

"pen?"
"here." cooper hands me one, concealing a chuckle.
i lean closely and bring it towards his chin for a little beard.
"no no! draw a knob on his forehead!"
i snort quietly and lift my hand right up to his forehead, pressing the point delicately onto him.

"mm.." he scrunches up his face and i quickly chuck the pen back to cooper, siting back.
"are we here?" he stretches his arms up and looks around.
"no, no." i stifle a laugh.
"wh-" he fumbles with his little sprout of hair, "what happened to my hair??"
we all try desperately to hold in a laugh, "nothing."

he pulls off the hair band and looks at me, "you."
"what?"
"nobody else here ties up their hair."
"chad does."
"chads like two metres away!"
"mason did it!"
"i'm revoking your music." he tugs the headphone out of my ear and sits it back in his own.
"shit.." i frown and take back the camera from cooper.

"i'n gonna read. record this so people know i'm smart and you're dumb."
"fine." i shove the camera in his face.

"i've been reading symposium by plato."
"f*ggot."
he stares blankly but i lower the camera.
"that's... maybe we don't say that word."
"oh come on don't get all social justice in here, it's a joke. they're kidding around." schlatt surprisingly defends his own insulting.
"come on y/n don't ruin the fun."
i sigh, "okay."