schlatt (+lunch club) : babysitter

+ twenty two

"what if," schlatt looks away thoughtfully, "maybe you stayed?"
"i don't see why i'd need to?" i chuckle slightly.
"i can think of some reasons."
"there's nowhere better for me than austin, i've explained this to you before."

"what if i was a reason?"

my heart sinks. please don't say it ..

"schlatt ... don't say this ... please ..."
"i think we'd be perfect together y/n. i think i could make you happy."
"schlatt no, please-"
"i felt different you for longer than you know y/n. i know myself and my mind and you're all it can focus on i can't even find words to describe it."
"no, no ..." i stand back, losing myself a little.
"i cant stand it any longer, i need to know y/n! i'll change myself, all of myself. i'll do it all for you and that is an easy price to pay to have you... just-"
"please, no, schlatt i can't do this i can't-"
"i did all this teasing and waiting and everything and now i can tell you because well- i think maybe now you felt the same. i figured maybe you could love me ... i figured you'd love me y/n.."

my eyes fill with tears and i cover them.

"i realise- look, i know you're probably way too out of my league but-"
"no, no! schlatt ... you're a great guy you're so... you're so smart and you're witty and- you're so much ... i know i was right to have met you!"
"then love me, y/n! is that so hard?" he laughs sadly.
"i can't we- we'd never work together ..."
"but we would! i would do anything for you!"
"it would be a disaster! we would just bicker and argue and you'd find some other person who's on your level of mindset-"
"y/n i could never feel about someone as i do about you."
"please, please don't say that! i promise you will find someone perfect for you!"
"i have, i have! it's you!" he gestures to me rapidly, eyes glistening too now.

"we would be so bored of each other and.. you deserve much more than me!"
"no, no-"
"you were rude to me, i was rude to you! something built off hate can't turn into love!"
"i was only an asshole because i was scared! all those ... all the times i was there i realise now i- i just wanted to be near you .."
"that's- youre just making stuff up now! you hated me, don't deny it! i heard you muttering to yourself how pissed off you were.. look at me, schlatt! i mean, youre drunk and i'm- i'm weak and i'm not interesting-"
"i love you."
"i have nothing to offer you, nothing to show off about me-"
"i love you, y/n."
"i'm cold and i'm sick and you'd hate my attitude because i'm not just some girly girl whos gonna care for you all the time and-"
"i love you." he shakes his head.

"jesus schlatt! just listen to me!"
he sighs and buries his head in his hands.

"even now we can't help but argue. even now we- we're standing here yelling at each other with no chance of the other changing!"
his hands wrap around mine.
"i'm leaving, it's just the way it is. one day you'll thank me for this. when you have someone else and you don't argue with them constantly. you're just lonely right now and looking for the nearest girl you can find!"
"i never hated you .. i only hated how i felt-"
"schlatt you ask minx right now and she'll tell you i'm- i don't date. i can't give you what you want i'm not gonna be there to hold and kiss you all the time."
"but i can for you ..."
"schlatt i have a career to focus on now and so do you! you're gonna grow like you deserve to and have all these fans who adore you, i'm gonna go to austin and make a name for myself with all the other streamers and we are both going to keep to our ... agreement ... we stay out of each other's way. i need my new life in austin, schlatt ..."

he holds my hand in his up to his face and kisses it.

"we were never meant to be together.."

"well, i guess all i can do now," he takes a deep sigh and drops his hands to his sides, "is watch."

"no, no .. i need you to forget about me. lunch club is ... ending now and- and now we're going out separate ways. it's for the best."

"i guess i should've just stayed an asshole."

"no schlatt! that's-" i groan annoyedly into my hand, "that's exactly your problem! we wouldn't be arguing like this if you weren't so full of yourself all the time! all these shitty comments about women and edgy goddamn jokes just for ... for what? laughs? god ... it drives me crazy! you go make those videos and i go make mine. you were- you were wrong for saying you loved me because we both know we aren't compatible, schlatt. i need you to understand that."

"alright." he mutters.
"goodbye." i turn to the door and open it tiredly.

"hey."
"what."
"here's your camera back." he holds it out by the string and drops it into my hand.

i hold it tightly. it's still warm from being around his neck. "thanks."
"i'll see you."
"yeah ..."

and i leave for good.

i say goodbye to all the friends i've made here. charlie, ted, noah, cooper, all the misfits guys. i wish minx and niki well but i'm sure we'll always still talk occasionally.

as i sit on the plane and look down at the city, i remember the camera in my bag. i take it out and look through the album. those first photos i took travelling, the plane, my room.

then it's schlatt's photos.

me losing. ted and i in the doorway. me looking dead in the morning. various times he shoved the camera in my face when i looked like shit. it's a real reminder of how ugly i look sometimes, thank you asshole.

but eventually the photos start to change.

australian trees and the campsite and campfire. me smiling on stream. charlie and i in an intense smash fight. a couple sunsets over the city with me and the boys on the deck laughing. a group selfie of all the lunch club guys making dumb faces. me behind the camera laughing. all the little LA adventures we all went on together.

the whole camera captures the memories of my trip just like the camera was originally for ..

i smile, a few tears hanging on my eyelashes. i'm really gonna miss this trip...

the last photo is a piece of paper with schlatt's scribbly handwriting across it.

i hope you remember this better than you remember me

and i know i will.

(to be continued ...)