schlatt (+lunch club) : babysitter

+ twenty

"come on my love or host. i won't be mad" he says, still wearing his headphones and peaking round my doorframe.
"really?"
"big streamers will see. austin streamers. a couple already told me they think you have potential."
"yeah you said. i was actually just looking at houses there" i gesture to my monitor. honestly, i think i've already found one i like.

"yeah, yeah. just come on. we start soon. austin said it's fine." he doesn't sound as enthusiastic as his words, but i guess they speak for his expression?

"oh, alright." i sigh, "but no crossing any lines."
"i wouldn't!"
"schaltt."
"fine." he rolls his eyes and plods off again.

"WELCOME EVERYBODY TO THE ... JSCHLATT LOVE OR HOST!!" austin's now familiar voice rings out with the music and i smile at his showy tone.

"schlatt! why don't you go ahead and introduce yourself and the girls here will reciprocate."
"hey, i'm schlatt. i make wii videos on youtube and i'm in a group called lunch club. working my way up to 1mil. just here for the views." he says pretty tiredly, juxtaposing austin's enthusiasm. the other girls go and there's a few i recognise like alex the chess streamer and the girl with the knives.

then again, i have to introduce myself.
"hi everyone my name is y/u/n i'm a streamer and video creator from minnesota. used to be pretty ill but i'm getting better. i also do camera work and have actually worked with schlatt before."
"oh!" austin says, as though he didn't completely know this already.
"and i don't know why i'm here, i hate schlatt."
"yeah, why are you here?" he makes a scowling face.

"a couple viewers may have seen these two in minx's love or host. frenemies? just enemies? we'll have to see!"

soon enough, the challenges start rolling in.
"for our first round, schlatt wants you to read this sentence in your best new york accent!" austin chuckles.
i bury my head in my hands, "what the fuck .."
"huh??" says alex.

we each get our own sentences to say and only alex and another girl get his approving nod.
"y/u/n?"
i look at the message on screen and look up at the camera with an unimpressed face.
"really?"
"read the sentence y/u/n!" schlatt cackles.

sigh.

"ay! whaddya mean veggies on my goddamn pizza?-"
everyone laughs in shock at my exaggerated and perfect new york accent.
"come on, tony! come on! getanotha slice over heeya, toots."
"where'd you learn to do that!"
"spent some time with an asshole new yorker. also helps to do the accent when i bitch about you behind your back." i shrug.
"hey fuck you tony!" he yells at me in his accent.
"get outta here, ah? get the fuck outta here!" i respond even louder and austin has to calm us down again.

at one point this girl kandyland asks, "do you feel guilty when you masturbate?"

his face is blank.

i can't contain myself and break down with laughter. "does he WHAT."
"uhh ..."
"he just feels guilty because god doesn't like it when a man jacks it to the rock's instagram."
"I DONT-"
"he what??" one for the girls looks lost, "he likes dudes? wait a minute-"
"no no no i am NOT gay!!" he says hurriedly as i chuckle in my little corner.

chat loves it and i never get voted out. knife girl and a couple others go but alex and i stick it out for a long ass time.

at one point, connor (my beloved) joins the call to see how we're doing.
"you guys, schlatt is incredibly shy about his voice. but me? i REQUIRE female companionship."
"yeah."
"so true conar." i nod.
"so guys when you hang with me and schlatt who would you bring. what friends?"
"conar you're the only friend i need." i smile.

"aw come on y/u/n, my day one. you know that's true" he fist bumps the cam.
"my ride or die." i bump it too.
"sister from another mister."
"bro from another hoe-"
"guys this is MY love or host! any of the other girls got something to say?"
"schlatt shut up you-"
he beeps an air horn at me every time i speak.

two can play at that game.

whenever he's not beeping, i blow my recorder that's on my desk. we have this weird sound argument until, once again, austin has to get us to stop and connor leaves.

"schaltt why are you even doing this you know you're gay." i shrug.
"guys what-" austin tries to get words in.
"i'm not gay."
"what date would you do for schl-"
"i'd take him on a date to a male strip club."
"i'm not gay."
"yeah show him some oily dudes." alex nods.
"i'm not FUCKING gay." he smashes the keyboard on the wall.
"jesus christ! anger issues!" i say, a little shocked honestly. he's scary sometimes.

"don't call me goddamn gay then. stop it."
"chat is he gay?" i smirk as comments start rolling in calling him gay.
"jesus fucking christ..."
"i think y/u/n might be a chat favourite, schlatt." austin laughs.
he holds his head in his hands but i can see a little smile between his wrists.

"alright before we end ... what do you think is your best quality?" questions austin.
"my mind." alex nods.
"my independence. fuck you schlatt!"
"fuck you!" he flips the bird.

"okay, okay! time to get serious. schlatt, what do you think about these girls?"
"well, look. alex you're great and i'm glad the last two are actual intellectuals who can have serious conversations. but with y/u/n ... i feel like we know each other on a deeper level. like, hating each other makes us know the truly worst sides of one another and loving despite this? i think that's a love that doesn't come around often."
austin looks surprised, "oo! chat! he actually got serious!"
but i can't tell if it's just for content or not ... it must be?

"well who do you choose?" alex asks.
"i think it's pretty obvious, y/u/n?"
i stare, confused for a second. i'll just crack a joke. "me? i'm not a man!"
"let's see what she chose, chat!"

the dramatic music plays and i stare at him nervously. he looks like he's actually, genuinely unsure. but why? it's obvious what i'd chose...

"she chose host! oh no!!"

"ah fuck .." he smiles but he looks genuinely upset.
"what can i say haha ..."
and it all ends like it usually does.