Love and Calamity | Jeon Jungkook

17

Jungkook had always been one to make dumb decisions, hence why it came as no shock to his mother when he went home in tears because he'd broken up with Yeojin.

He knew it would hurt her, but he also knew it'd hurt her more if she lost him while they were together.

He regretted it as soon as he left her place. He just wanted to run back in to apologize and allow her to hit him for making her cry.

He wanted to hold her and take back every word he said but he couldn't. He wanted her to fall out of love with him before he died, because the only thing worse than a love that doesn't last, is one that does.

He bawled in his mother's arms, begging her to yell at him and call him stupid for the way he let Yeojin go.

He was harsh with it, telling her she never meant anything to him because he wanted her to despise him — but it only made him despise himself.

After crying to his mother, he went into his old bedroom and begged, pleaded to whoever was listening to go ahead and take him away because he could no longer live with himself after he maliciously ripped the heart of the only woman he'd ever loved, aside from his mother, out.

He beseeched to the higher power to let him succumb to the illness because it was "what he deserved".

He felt stupid for doing what he did to the love of his life but he just wanted to protect her from the bigger heartbreak of losing him — not knowing he'd already broken her past repair.

Jungkook woke up with an ache in his heart as he remembered he'd lost his woman at his own hands. He blamed the same divine being he prayed to hours earlier for cursing him with the illness that caused him to hurt the one he loved the most.

He forced himself to the front porch, wondering how he got to his home, as he didn't remember leaving his mother's place.

He stood on the porch with the all too familiar salty liquid streaming from his eyes, as every little thing reminded him of the girl that begged him not to leave her the day before.

The euphonious singing of the birds, gay and calming like the voice of his angel.

The light gust of wind reminded him of how soft her breathing was when she'd lay beside him.

The sun peeking through the clouds, brightening the morning sky just like she brightened his entire life and made him feel human again.

She truly was his entire world. His morning, night, and day. His star, his sky, and his sun. His clarity, peace, and serenity.

He wiped his face and made his way back inside, still seeing her in everything.

The decor that sat on his coffee table that she placed there to add life to his place, the throw blanket she quilted for him when she started trying out new hobbies, the drawing that was framed on his wall.

The drawing wasn't the best, but it was beautiful to him since she was the one that drew it.

He stepped into the kitchen. Again, only seeing her. The counter she stood in front of when she stubbornly insisted on cooking for him. The custom magnets that she ordered for him so he could add more of her drawings on the fridge. The snacks that sat on the counter that were there for her.

He didn't dare to go into the basement. Almost everything in there was for her. The desk and computer that he had where he made songs about her, hoping to show them to her one day.

The easel that he sat at when painting or drawing things inspired by her. She didn't know when she looked through his artwork that she was the meaning behind every single one.

The butterfly signs that he bought because butterflies reminded him of her.

He covered his face with his hands and sobbed on the floor of his kitchen. Why did life have to hurt so much? Why did love have to hurt so much?

What did he do to deserve this?

If his illness was supposed to kill him, why hadn't it yet? Was he supposed to suffer for the suffering he put her through first?

He just wanted to die already. He wanted it to be over so she could go on with her life and live happily without him.

He wanted her to get over the pain he caused her and find someone else. Someone better who wouldn't selfishly get with her while knowing they would die soon.

But he didn't know she didn't care about any of that. She wanted to be with him during his last days so he could die happy.

Everyone has to die. No one really knows when it's their time. Someone could die seconds after getting into a relationship. It's not something you can predict or prevent.

She wanted to be with him until the end. While he tried to keep her from hurting, he only made it worse.