Not Your Average Nerd (BxB)

Chapter 19

Sean's pov

There's something about Samuel that I just can't quite pinpoint. Something about him that I just can't ignore.

I don't know what it is, or how to explain it. I couldn't even if I tried. Everything that surrounded him and what he associated with seemed to be just as good as him.

Whenever I was around him my emotions would swap and twist to the point where nausea would threaten to over come me. Happy tears would prick at my eyes and my heart would speed to an alarming rate.

If it wasn't for Jess's constant reassurance I would've thought I was suffering from heart arrhythmias. She insisted that this is what it's like to have a crush. Supposedly it was normal to feel this way and that whatever I do, don't freak out.

But it was easier said than done. Whenever I saw Samuel and that cheeky smile I wanted to run away and hide. Shield myself from embarrassment of the fact that he effected and impacted my emotions in so many ways.

I had to fight off many emotions and not so great thoughts just to be able to hold a regular conversation. His presence alone had me acting out in ways and doing things I wouldn't normally do.

Whenever he would begin to talk and ramble on about anything I was busy trying to conceal my speeding heart beat. I wouldn't be surprised if he could hear the abnormal beats coming from within my chest.

If I wasn't trying to control my heartbeat I was struggling to speak, any sort of words that I thought would suffice would quickly turn into a mental battle. What to say from what not to say. How to start a conversation and not keep it one sided. How does he expect me to start a conversation in the first place when he's looking at me like that. So many thoughts and so many possibilities.

Then there were times when I got sudden bursts of confidence. I was able to relax and talk freely. Hold a normal conversation without the fear of messing up. Say things that even made Samuel giggle or laugh. Do things that in any other situation I would scold myself for. I was starting to think that this is what Jess meant when she said I needed to get 'comfortable' around Samuel.

But then again I really considered going to the hospital for a damn MRI to see if I was going crazy. Maybe my heart was malfunctioning and slowly shutting down. Or something was wrong with my brain, perhaps I had a tumor.

Then the fact dawned on me that I was young and healthy, so it wouldn't have any correlation with anything health wise.

Maybe it was just me and my overwhelming feelings for Samuel. Feelings that I found myself being confused about, for the simple fact that I've never had a valid crush before. Samuel was becoming my first in many aspects, not only relationship wise.

He was the first person that I've ever told about my books and writing. He didn't have to listen or care, but he did. He even had the choice to kick me out of his house and never speak to me again. But he didn't. He was the first person to show any interest  in me, that wasn't appearance or money wise.

Although my house was kinda a dead giveaway, I wasn't even sure if Samuel knew I was well off. But I'm sure if he did know, he wouldn't care. Probably just ask me if I could buy him a lifetime supply of skittles.

I guess it really was time to face the truth and realize that I liked Samuel in a non friend way.

Then again, when did I ever?

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On Wednesday after the bell had rang for last period  Jess was in one of her teasing moods again. She only got like this when she claimed to see 'progress' in my actions. She even still referred to me and Samuel's relationship as Plan Sam.