Clone Trooper Oneshots

Hardcase/Laughter

Plot: You have a nighttime shift as a comedian at 79s and the 501st walked in just as you were going to tell a funny story from your younger years.
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You finished off the glass of water you had before setting it down and stood up. You made your way to the stage to tell a story during your younger years. The moment you stepped foot on stage, you heard clamoring from the entrance of the bar. You turned and smiled as you saw that is was the 501st, great friends of yours. You got along with all of them but the one you liked the most was Hardcase. Your eyes scanned the group for said clone and you spotted him messing with Jesse. You smiled more and you stood in front of the microphone. You tapped the mic, grabbing everyone's attention.

"Okay, I'll be telling a story from my younger years if that's alright." You said.

The crowd murdered for a bit and nodded their heads for you to continue. You took a deep breath and started to speak.

"Another story I heard about myself," You started. "This one happened in high school."

The audience laughed a little.

"Uh, we had this teacher in high school whose kid went to our high school, he was Mr. McNamara and his son, Jake McNamara, went to our high school. He was a sophomore when I was a senior, so he was two years behind me. And Mr. McNamara was an asshole."

Everyone laughed.

You continued, "One weekend, he and his wife, decided to leave town. Which you should never do, if you're an asshole."

They laughed again and you smiled.

"And Jake McNamara decided to throw a party at the teachers house. Hooray... And everyone around town heard about it, and we all got up individually and thought, Okay, let's go over there and destroy the place."

Once again, laughter.

"I walked into this party and everyone I had ever met was there. And everyone was drinking like it was the end of the world. People were drinking like it was the civil war and a doctor was coming to saw our legs off. It was totally unsupervised, we were like dogs without horses, we were running wild."

They laughed and clapped.

"I walked down--"

They slowly stopped.

"I walked down to the basement, they had a pool table in the basement. One dude took a running start and threw his body onto the pool table, and broke it in half. Another kid found out which room was Mr. McNamara's and went upstairs and took a shit on his computer."

Everyone groaned in disgust, but still laughed.

"So the party was going great!"

They laughed loudly.

"I'm standing in the basement and I'm holding a red cup- you've seen in movies- and I'm standing there, and I'm holding a red cup, and I'm starting to black out. And I guess, someone said like- 'Something, something, police.' And in a brilliant moment of word association, I yelled, 'FUCK THE POLICE! FUCK THE POLICE!' And everyone else joined in. A hundred drunk white children yelling: 'Fuck. Da. Police.' With the confidence of guys who have, like, already been to jail... And aren't afraid of it anymore. You know that like, 'I've served my nickel, you come and take me!' confidence, but white children. The reason someone had said 'Something, something, police", was because the police were there. So a Coruscant police officer walked down the stairs and got to the bottom of the basement, and looked out over a sea of drunk toddlers yelling 'Fuck da police!' in his face. And he was almost impressed!"