you make me - hyungwonho

17

"Because of you..."

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Hyungwon felt the mattress dip down beside him as someone sat down on the bed. He had been staring into the darkness the whole time after Seonghwa finally left, not being able to fall asleep. Or maybe he wasn't allowing himself to fall asleep? Whatever it was it probably wasn't healthy.

"Won?" Jooheon's voice caught his ears, making the other relax a little bit. Hyungwon didn't reply to the other, not having the strength. He felt the other's hand sliver into his hair and let his eyes flutter shut.

"Are you okay?" The younger's voice echoed in the dim room and Hyungwon inhaled sharply. He really wanted to lie to the guy, but couldn't muster the will to do so like he usually did. "I'm fine. I don't... I don't need any psychoanalyzing, thanks.." He muttered from under the blanket, almost sounding bitter.

Even if he had tried to lie his way through, it likely wouldn't have worked on Jooheon at all.

Hyungwon hadn't wanted to break down in front of the other men like that; to display weakness in the damn blink of an eye. Hyungwon wanted other people to see him as a strong individual and hated showing a weaker side of him.

Even if Wonho had said it wasn't pathetic it felt still very much like that.

"I'm not here to poke at your brain," Jooheon huffed and Hyungwon felt the mattress dip down even more as the other lay down. "We're just worried, hell, you even scared me a little." the younger muttered quietly and Hyungwon almost missed it had he not been listening.

He didn't want the younger man to be scared of him or for him because of what happened. 

Defeated, Hyungwon turned around and got slightly surprised by how close the other man was so he shuffled back a little just to get some space to breathe. "I'm sorry you had to witness that.." he then said, sighing afterward. "It's been a while since the last time."

Anything close to an attack like that was when he was found by Hoseok in Japan. Hyungwon wouldn't say it was panic but it had felt like agony took over his whole being on that gravel road.

"It's fine. But it's not fine that you keep your condition hidden from us, Hyungwon." The younger said then and Hyungwon had to break the line of sight to the other man. Guilty was what he felt for hiding it. And it had probably been selfish too, only considering himself and not giving a damn what kind of an effect it could have on the rest. "What if something like had happened on the field? I..."

Hyungwon understood the worry. He really did, so he quietly apologized once again. If he was to get an attack like that out on the field there would be no time to get cover. One headshot and everything would be done.

"It's.. It won't happen again." He mumbled, not even trusting his own words. There was no solid evidence that it wouldn't happen again and he knew that. Hyungwon wasn't even sure what triggered them so they weren't predictable.

"They're working on tracing where the call came from." Jooheon then said, sitting up. "It might take a while but we should be able to get the location."

Hyungwon quietly observed the younger guy in order to find any signs of him bullshitting him. He wanted to see if the other was just saying they were tracking the call to comfort him in his miserable state. 

But he saw none. Jooheon was being Honest.

He wasn't even sure why he doubted the younger; Jooheon had never even given him a reason to do so. Hyungwon felt like he was just being unreasonable and delirious from the absolute lack of sleep.