𝐎𝐰𝐧𝐞𝐫

17:white lies

𝐂𝐇𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐀𝐍 𝐉𝐎𝐇𝐍 𝐆𝐑𝐄𝐘𝐒𝐎𝐍

"I don't believe in love" I told her. Bullshit.

The first time I saw her I knew I wanted her. Having grown up in a unloved household, I had no sense of love. I didn't believe in it, until I saw her. I understood what people meant when they said 'love at first sight'. But I didn't know how to react around her, how to tell her how I felt. I only had a understanding of sexual attention, not emotional.

Everything that came out my mouth seemed to ruin things somehow, seemed to come out wrong. I didn't want to hurt her. One part of me wanted to have her but the other part of me wanted her as far away from me because I knew I wanted good enough for her.

She was independent and kind. She showed me kindness that nobody else had. She was patient with me and I tried to be with her. But around her, my guard didn't feel the need to be up. She made me feel comfortable and like I could say anything and she wouldn't judge me.

As I looked back up to her, her face instantly fell. I felt a sharp pain go through my chest as I saw her smile fade. She looked away from me and looked down to her lap. She fiddled with her hands, a thing I noticed she only did when she was nervous.

"Oh" she whispered. Her voice sounded upset, as much as I knew she was trying to sound strong. "I need to go to the bathroom" she put a smile on her face as he pulled out her chair. I went to say something but she had already got up from her chair.

I watched as she walked away. She was so fucking hot-not the time.

Why did I have to say that, I didn't believe in love. Falling in love is meant to be a sensation to embrace, yet if you have never felt the real thing before it can scary. But realistically, anything new would feel that way. It is a step onto a new path for me, the ground felt different, the air had a new aroma, and the oxygen I breathed in felt worthy.

At first I didn't know what had taken over me, I still didn't exactly know. But Vince had told me I was falling in love with her. I denied it at first, I couldn't fall in love. I wasn't capable of it. But she had changed me, in ways I didn't want to be changed but it seemed to be for the better.

I wanted her to fall asleep in my arms so I knew she was safe. I wanted to make her laugh because she laugh made me, happy. I wanted her to hug me when she was sad so I could take away all her pain. I wanted to make her scream-not the time, once again.

I needed to make it up to her. How?

Pulling me out my trail of though, the jackass waiter came back with our drinks. His eyes were obviously glued to Camila, he didn't even make it discreet. She was mine.

"Gin and toxic for you sir and lemonade of the lady" he said as he put our drinks down. I saw Camila walking back in the distance but my eyes couldn't miss her. The waiter looked down to me and I looked back up to him with a scowl on my face.

"Uh-do you know what you want to eat" he stuttered. Camila came back and sat down, her face still not as bright as it normally was.

"No" I told him and he awkwardly smiled as he nodded.

"I'll be over when your ready" he said and I waited for him to walk off. If we wasn't in a restaurant full of people I would have punched him until he couldn't see so he wouldn't been able to look at her the way he did.

"What did I say about that" she said me without looking at me, referring to how manners costed nothing. She was so mouthy sometimes, I loved that about her. Nobody else would have the guts to say much to me but she, she wasn't about to let me tell her what to do. I loved that about her.