(⚠️possible TW): alcohol usage + starvation
Adelaide Lawrence lives with her father, Johnny Lawrence, in a crappy appartment in reseda california. her and her dad have an amazing relationship, even though her dad is an alcoholic. her best friends d...
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I spent the rest of the night sitting with my guitar. I obviously couldn't play anything but I tried to write what was on my mind, no good outcomes. Demetri has said to me since I was ten that I could get somewhere in my music career, I've written like a billion songs, but I've only ever liked ten. traitor is my favourite, it has so much emotion. especially since I wrote it in this period of my life where I'm feeling so much hurt and confusion. if only sam never existed, then this would've never happened.
or if I never saw Miguel that day and dad never taught us karate. if I didn't accept carmen's offer to stay the weekend when my dad got arrested, this wouldn't have happened. I feel like traitor really represents that feeling that I am feeling. God do I need therapy. it's fine, I got Demetri, my free personal therapist! this time, I managed to keep eating, I haven't skipped a meal yet. Miguel falling into a coma was so damn hard, physically and mentally.
I wanted to try things with moon, I really did. but it didn't feel like the right thing to do. why is this so hard?
"I say you try things with moon." Demetris's words ran through my head. after two hours of thinking, and writing. I finally decided, I am going to try. we dont have to go super fast, we can go slow, work our way up to the relationship I had with Miguel, make it better. I think that's my problem. I was so used to being so damn in love that I forgot what it was like to start from the beginning. I am just expecting moon to know me like Miguel did, that's not fair to her.
moon <3 hey sorry for just storming out on you. my mom needed me. wanna still hang?
in perfect timing, she texted me. I smiled as I read her text.
me of course. meet me at the park by our school. :)
I had fixed myself up and sprayed on some perfume. I got into my dad's car and drove off to the park. I struggled to put on my grey cardigan when I felt how cold it was outside. I finally got it, letting out a huff when I was able to breathe again. when I struggle, I feel the need to hold my breath. as I walking the pathway, I saw moon sitting on the park bench waiting. I sighed before heading to moon. this is gonna be super easy. I thought to myself as paced over.
"hey." I smiled sitting next to her, she smiled back not responding. "I'm sorry how weird I've been acting." she randomly apologized. her acting weird? "acting weird?" I accidentally questioned out loud. "yeah. I've been super stressed lately. I started smoking again, and it's been hard." she frowned. "moon, you dont have to apologize for that. the one here apologizing should be me." I told her straight up. she gave me a puzzled look. "I've been probably confusing you. saying let's try things then panicking and regretting everything because of some asshole who cheated on me. I've set my standards way too high because of my relationship with Miguel. That's not fair to you, I'm sorry." I sincerely apologized to her.
