NCT Imagines ambw

Coffee (Mark)

Trigger Warning: depression and suicide⚠️. Please don't read if these things trigger you. I promise it's not worth it ❤️⚠️⚠️⚠️

Mark's POV

Is this how she felt? Is this why she left me? Why didn't I help her more?

I looked at the wall. I heard Yuta's voice calling my name, trying to snap me out of my thoughts but everything sounded fuzzy and far away, everything looked blurry. I couldn't stop thinking about her, the love of my life and how I slowly watched her slip away.

Flashback

She's doing it again. Sitting in bed, her knees hugged to her chest as she looked blankly at the wall. She had been like this for weeks now, only ever moving to go to the bathroom. When she'd go in there she would lock the door and cry softly but not soft enough that I didn't hear her. She wasn't sleeping at all and she didn't eat despite me cooking meals and getting her favorite snacks for her. She was starting to form dark under eyes and was starting to lose weight in her face.

"Y/n?". I knew she heard me but she never looked at me.

"You want take a shower or a bath? I can wash your hair for you.". It's been a while since she got up to do anything besides use the bathroom. She didn't respond.

"Well is there anything I can get for you?" I asked moving closer to her.

"Coffee" she replied.

That's all she wanted to consume was coffee.

"How do you want it this time?". I already knew the answer to that but I asked anyway trying to get her to interact with me more.

"3 shots of espresso, one sugar cube and 6 teaspoons of unflavored creamer.".

"Do you want decaf? This is already your 4th cup and it's barely past lunch time" I reminded her, gently.

"3 shots of espresso, one sugar cube and 6 teaspoons of unflavored creamer" she repeated. I sighed. Y/n was giving me nothing to work with.

"You're not getting the espresso. You don't need it and it's not good for you anyway" I said going to the kitchen.

I had no idea what was happening with her. She woke up one day and was different. The spark in her was gone, she wasn't bubbly, she didn't laugh or tell her corny jokes. I came home from work one day and she was sitting in that same position looking at the wall. I tried getting her to talk to me but she wouldn't, it's like she didn't know who I was.

I got all the ingredients for her coffee and started brewing it.

I even called a psychiatrist to come evaluate her, that was hard too. They said without Y/n talking to them it was difficult to give an accurate diagnosis of what could be wrong. We tried for hours to get her to communicate by talking, pointing, drawing, writing but nothing worked.

This was an everyday thing. I'd wake up and Y/n would be there, eyes opened and glued to the wall and she would stay that way. I would get up, get ready for the day, offer her breakfast, be turned down, make her coffee and spend my day alone. I would still go out to practice but I took a few days off to be with Y/n all day. I felt like a helicopter boyfriend but I wanted to see what she had been doing all day, if sitting looking at the wall was it, and it was. Today I was going back to the studio for a couple of hours to practice the choreography for our new song. I was only a little nervous leaving her alone. What if she got up to get the 3 shots of espresso I wasn't giving her?