She Will Be Loved- Ben Tyler Cook

Chapter 60

Ben's POV

May 21, 2021

"But overall, I've been feeling really good lately. The best I've felt in a very long time. But obviously I still have some bad days, some days I feel extra anxious. Some days I just want to blackout so I don't have to deal with it, if I'm being honest. But I've been able to push through it all. I've been able to handle everything in a healthy way," I let out a breath, finishing the long tangent I'd just went on. I was currently in a therapy session, nearing the end of it.

 Everything I'd just said was the truth- I've been feeling great lately. But as life goes, there's still some hard moments. I've been able to get through them though, and I'm learning to be kind to myself when I'm having a hard day. It's easy to get mad at yourself for going through the motions when you're trying to heal, but bad days are all part of the healing process, it's certainly not linear. 

It's funny, having to tell yourself this when this is exactly what you tell other people going through a hard time. Something I can confidently say to others and genuinely mean it, I have trouble giving myself the same grace. Why do we treat ourselves so harshly? Why is it so hard to treat ourselves with the same love we give others? I'm trying to overcome this. 

Dr. Brenton finished what she was writing, let out deep breath, and smiled widely at me. I laughed nervously.

"What?"

"Nothing, that's exactly it. You're doing great."

"I am?"

"Yes!" She laughed. "You said it yourself, you've been feeling good. You still have some bad days but you understand that those are normal and you know how to handle your bad moments. You've been using every healthy coping mechanism I've given you, you take your medication. You've been doing everything right, and I am just bursting with pride at how committed you are to taking care of yourself."

"Yeah, I am," I smiled, happy that she was happy with me. 

"How do you feel about appointments every two weeks now, opposed to our weekly sessions?"

"I think that would be good." We talked for a couple more minutes, and then I stood up to leave.

"I know I've said this before- but thank you. You've helped me so much and I don't know how I can repay you."

"This is my job, Ben. You're already paying me, duh," she joked and we both laughed. "Just keep sharing your story, Ben. It's a powerful one."

I left the building that day feeling refreshed. Everything in my life seemed to be falling back into place. I had been feeling significantly better lately, my mental health doing better than ever even with a few hiccups. Dr. Brenton and I had decided that it would be best for me to stay sober for awhile before I try being able to go out for the occasional drink. It was hard at first, I won't lie but I've been feeling so much healthier and happier because of it. 

My shoulder finally healed, I made sure to give it the rest and proper healing it needed. I even have a job now! After healing from an injury I got back into the performing world and auditioned for a lot of things- some broadway, some tours, some on-screen stuff, and I'd been lucky enough to be cast in an upcoming TV series. It felt great to be back, and the passion it felt like I'd lost was coming back. 

The connections it felt like I'd also lost with my friends had come back, and things had returned to pretty much normal between them. As for Kasey... we'd been okay for awhile, but now I haven't talked to her since March, the day we went skiing. I think it's my fault, I'm not really sure. I shouldn't have gotten mad about the whole Sky thing, but it had just thrown me off. But we both apologized to each other, and I'd talked with Sky about it and we're all cool. But still, neither of us said anything to each other since that day. Not a single text, no calls. Not even any meme sent on Instagram. Maybe I could have reached out. But she hasn't either.