RED - DISCONTINUED

14 - Talk It Out

"Oh Tommy you're awake!" I heard Tubbo's voice sound over their laughter which startled me.

I chose not to say anything, instead shifting uncomfortably in my spot.

My eyes subconsciously moved so that I was now looking at the detail on the van floor rather than looking into Tubbo's eyes.

But Ranboo and Tubbo just kept talking.

What about? I'm not sure, it's all just muffled in my ears as I'm not really present.

I felt a small, soft hand on my shoulder, scaring me and making me jump. Looking up, I saw beautiful green eyes filled with confusion and concern looking right at me.

I smiled at Michael and gave him a nod as if to answer his unasked question of 'are you alright.?'

The left side of Michael's lip twitched before his mouth twisted into a smile. Crawling into my lap, Michael turned so that his head was facing mine and that he was looking me in the eyes.

His dirty hair fell over his eyes and I gently used my hand to push them away from his face.

"I'm okay Mike," I spoke but then added, "I promise," after I seen that he didn't really look convinced.

He bit his lip, looking like he really wanted to say something. The small child on my lap opened his mouth but no sound came out.

He looked pained by this.

"It's okay Michael. You're okay Michael. Alright? You don't need to be able talk alright? We'll work on it some time okay? Just not right now," I gave him a sad smile and he smiled back.

He moved his head to the side, closing his eyes while mouthing what I assume to be "I love you."

"I love you Mike, okay?"

He nodded sleepily as he dozed off. Beginning to snore quietly.

(3rd person POV)

As Tommy stared down at the sleeping child in his arms, thoughts pushed and fought their way around his mind, trying to make sure they were at the front of it. He was quiet, the only noises in the van being Tubbo and Ranboo talking, Michael snoring and his own breathing. 

The blond teen carefully scooted sideways (making sure not to disrupt Michael), and using that foundation to lean his back against the walls. Despite only waking up a while ago, Tommy's eyelids had already started to droop. He fought against this but for some reason his body was really tired and seemed to want to rest but he couldn't pinpoint why.

As Michael's hand brushed up against his own he felt that familiar warm trickle going from his head down his back before feeling himself being pulled into sleep (even though he fought so hard against it, it was no use). When his eyes did close, it wasn't his own dreams that filled his eyelids. No. No, they were Michael's. Cold, scary and unforgiven. But the worst part was that they weren't dreams, nor nightmares but flashbacks, memories. 

Tommy stood in the burning cold snow watching one by one as each small child fell dead. He was staring up at a building that looked like it was out of a horror movie. Massive black gates gazed down on him tauntingly, sending a shiver down his spine. The gates were open, but that didn't mean he could see what was beyond them. There was people standing guard, actually-- scratch that, the men fully dressed in black weren't standing guard, they were shooting down the kids that dared to run, no matter the age. Kids of all ages ran, most falling dead under the whizzing bullets sent in every direction. Only the odd few making it. 

The once white snow was now stained in crimson, red blood. Bodies falling nearly every second of the minutes the teen stood, too shaken up to move. Until, a familiar mop of greasy hair caught his eye. Tommy shakily lifted one leg out of the snow and placed it forward, following this process again and again until he made his way towards the recognizable figure he had spotted a few minutes earlier. 

Said figure was lying across a patch in the snow as bodies fell around him. The small infant had his hands up around his ears-- most likely trying to block out the sound of the people he'd lived most of his life with just dropping dead. 

Tommy tried to pick him up for a hug, only to realize his hand went right through the fragile kid, meaning he was transparent. Tommy looked down at his hands and that proved his theory. 

Being transparent meant that the only thing he could do was sit and watch.

Watch the events unfold.

So that he did.

And the more time he spent there the more appalled he became.

Until it came to an end.

His eyes fluttered open and he brought a hand up to his head before hearing sniffles coming from where his lap is.

Looking down, Tommy saw Michael with a tear-stained face. Tommy wanted to comfort Michael, to tell him that it was the past and everything was left behind-- but he couldn't let Michael know he saw his memories.

Tommy softly started playing with Michael's hair in an attempt to calm him down, undoing knots when he came across them.

He heard the sniffles stop, instead silent tears were just running down the child's face.

Fun fact about Tommy: He had never been good with children younger than him, (evidence is with his younger cousins), but he will always try his best.

That's why he looked to Tubbo and Ranboo for help.

He caught them both staring at him--  Ranboo looking away, Tubbo coming forward to help Michael.

As Tubbo took Michael from Tommy's lap, Tommy stood up to stretch his legs.

He saw Ranboo looking out the window with a hand to his chin, looking upset.

Slowly, Tommy approached and sat down on the seat beside him, twisting his body to be facing him.

At first Tommy thought Ranboo might not have noticed the movement but after a minute or two, he sighed and turned to face Tommy.

He met Tommy's gaze and faltered for a second before quickly smiling a sad smile, "why didn't you tell us?" He asked. Ranboo had been wanting to ask that question since he found out-- you can't really blame him.

"Sorry what?" Tommy asked with genuine confusion, before realising and a guilty look overtook his face.

"About-- that you're red." Ranboo explained anyways.

Tommy let a small, lopsided, guilty smile appear on his face as he shrunk in on himself, "I-- I was scared." He admitted. "I don't know how to control it yet-- it scares me more than you. Sometimes I feel like if I ignore it it will go away-- disappear forever." Tommy elaborated, "I just want things back to the way they were." He half-heartedly shrugged, while whispering the last part.

Ranboo hummed, "we all do Tommy. But we can't have that. What we can have however is friendship. Friendship that is so strong that even the toughest guards will be scared for even just a second. We can do this together. We will get free, maybe not back to the way things were before but we will be able to go home-- have smores on the campfire, sit around the TV arguing over what movie we're gonna watch, get flour all over your face while baking, argue with your siblings about who gets the last chocolate-- and so on. That's the dream, keep it in mind when fighting-- it will help trust me."

Ranboo extended a hand for Tommy to shake before retracting it after realising that Tommy couldn't shake it. Ranboo then offered for an elbow shake instead.

And Tommy shook it-- with a smile on his face.

a/n

sorry this took so long. i had loads of writers block and school had been stressing me out but im on a break from school now until november so i might be able go get out another chapter or so soon :)

seriously, i just want to thank everyone for reading as this obviously isnt the best.

but in particular i want to thank these two amazing people who have been my best supporters when i was thinking of shutting this book down.

-frace and IzzyPuppo

seriously thank you <3