Xavier had a criminal record as colourful as the bruises on his face. He had built a less-than impressive reputation for himself from fights and drug misuse to rape allegations. The townsfolk knew to stay clear of him and his family. Including kind...
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I should've whooped his ass for the way he made me feel just then. No man, boy or human should ever make me feel belittled and humiliated. But Xavier gets a hall pass, for now. He's going through it. It seems like he's been going through it his whole life, so it's really no wonder he's snappy all the time.
I kicked a pinecone, watching it bump along the pavement as I walked, then I kicked it again. Little by little this wooden piece of nature broke apart.
There's so much I don't know about him, his mom proved that. In all honesty, I was expecting an alcoholic or someone just as reliant on drugs as he was. I never expected a sweet woman on her last few weeks of life. It made me want to go home and give my dad the biggest hug because I was so internally grateful for having him in my life.
When I got home he was curved over the kitchen counter writing me a note. His reading glasses were slipping down his nose and I stood on my tip-toes to lean over his shoulder and read whatever he was writing.
"Oh, you're going the store. I'll come."
My fathers car smelt like new leather, it even over shadowed the pine scented air freshener hanging on his rear view mirror. He concentrated on the road ahead, waving to the towns children who all got excited at the sight of a cop car.
"Dad?" I asked, circling my finger over the bumpy texture of my door.
"What's up chicken legs?"
"You have friends in the ambulance department, right?" He took his eyes off the road to look at me, his bestial grey brows furrowed.
"I have friends everywhere Lia, why? You're not in trouble are you?" There was an amorphous look in his eyes, he was worried about me.
"No, but my friends mom is sick and she's not getting any better. I wanted to do something for her, take her out somewhere but she's pretty much bound to her bed and she's on oxygen."
His eyes anchored back on the road ahead, his lips thinned and the wrinkles on his face tightened into a frown. We stopped at two different red lights before anything was spoken between us.
"Your friend, uh?" He commented.
I sighed. "Dad, he's nothing like the picture his wrap sheet paints of him. He didn't do the crimes he's accused of, I know he didn't."
"I don't want you around him Lia, he's not safe." I pivoted myself in my seat to face him. He parked up, not too far from the shopping precinct.
"Okay, fine. I won't be near him but his mom is dying, she deserves one last happy memory do you not think?" He folded his muscular arms across his chest and nodded once, willing to hear me out.
"What are you asking for Lia?"
"I don't know, exactly. She has these oxygen tanks by her bed, they're small and portable but we'll definitely need a wheelchair and I'd like the EMT close by, just in case. I can't feel responsible if something goes wrong."
"I can ask Mikey, see what he can do but I'm not making any promises." I leaned over and gave him a hug.
"Thank you dad, I love you!"
Together we shopped at a collection of small stores. We picked up a few groceries and the whole time I couldn't stop thinking about Xaviers mom. I decided to make her a little care package, things to maybe make her feel a little more human.
I mean, Xavier is probably a godsend to her. He provides the important stuff, the basic care, the money, the medication. But he's still a guy and he doesn't pay attention to the little stuff, like how the oxygen must dry her lips out, they're cracked and sore. Lip balm and some deep moisturiser would do the world of good for them.
He doesn't notice her matted hair either, he probably never thinks to brush it for her. I picked up a couple of deep conditioning hair masks and a soft toothed hairbrush. Then I moved onto magazines and just bought a couple that seemed interesting because it must get boring when you're stuck in bed all day every day.
I could've gone on and on just buying small comfort bits for her. I was trying fill a void inside of me, I just felt bad. I felt bad that there was nothing I could do better this situation for this family. I felt bad for everything Xavier was going through alone and yet he still wasn't really accepting of my comfort or support. I think he's been alone with it for so long now that he doesn't know how to lean on someone else. He gets up every day and continues to fight with the battle of his emotions and that must be taking a toll.
I looked down at my basket, it was full. Most of it was probably crap. I got a few high-sugar energy drinks for her to try out and other little snacky treats. I got her a big bunch of flowers and some warm, fluffy bed socks. I cast my eyes over the 'get well soon' cards and just as my fingers were about to reach out and grab one I stopped.
She's not going to 'get well soon.'
My eyes welled up and I started crying, right there in the middle of Walmart. I sobbed into my hands, trying to stop myself because I could feel an elderly couple staring at me from further up the isle. It was embarrassing. When I left Xaviers I thought I was fine. I didn't even know his mom, yet my tears were honest and my hurt was real.
"I got the milk - are you crying?" My dad grabbed me quick and cradled me into his arms. "What's wrong chicken legs? Did something happen?" I shook my head against his chest, probably leaving a blob of snot on his T-shirt.
"It's just not fair dad, it's just not fair." I kept repeating.
"Hey, it's okay, it's okay to cry. We'll go pay for all of these and then go home, watch a movie and eat our body weight in junk food."
And that's exactly what we did.
I took a long bath, cried some more and made my dad watch the Step Up movies.
"Lia?" He stopped me before I went to bed. "I'm not supposed to do this, I could lose my job for this, but you're my daughter and you need to know." He handed me a brown folder and I looked down at it in confusion. "I want you to read this, front and back. Don't skip any line. Read it twice."
"What is it?"
"Everything you need to know about Xavier Wilder, I printed it while you were taking a bath. Lia, read it."
"Will there be a pop quiz?" I joked.
"Lia, just read it." My dad replied, without finding the humour.
It was thick and heavy. Automatically I figured whatever was written in this folder was not going to be an accurate portrayal of Xaviers character. I didn't want to read it. I didn't want to see the side of him that wasn't as rosy as the side he's been showing me over the past few weeks.
I already know about the drugs but I also know he's trying hard to get off them and the reasons why he turned to drugs in the first place. I know he got into fights, but Xavier isn't violent, he doesn't have anger issues. I know about the rape allocations, I don't know the full story but I see the fear in his eyes whenever we're alone together. I've seen how the accusation caused him psychological damage but above all else, I trust him.
